General Last Hoorah

[sisu]

TEX - Thank you for your support. You have no idea what your kind words mean to me and how good they make me feel. I wish I could give you a hug in person!! I pray for the best for you, Seren and your children.

I have my first therapy appointment on Thursday and I'm looking forward to some healing. I was emotionally abused by my ex-husband, so the ex-bf emotional roller-coaster did not help. I am going to get healthy so I am ready meet that next "normal" guy - if there is such a thing. But right now it's about me and my children.

You are right TEX...I won't even know how to handle a normal relationship. This one was a lot of work and understanding on my part. And sometimes little to nothing in return from him. But I am looking forward to having that normal relationship one day. I would have continued forward with my ex-bf if he would have been able to do so because I did (still do) love him. But unfortunatley his PTSD is too un-controlled and he is unable to have any type of relationship.

I am still pretty shredded inside, but I am looking forward to a good future. I think things are placed in your path for a reason and it is your responsibility to figure out why and learn from it. I think my ex-bf was placed in my path because I never dealt with the emotional abuse my ex-husband caused me and I am now forced to deal with it head on. This will be good. I am hopeful about my future and thankful for all of my blessings.

I will be back from time to time to let you know how I am doing. I feel good when I am here and appreciate the support and friendship.

Thank you and much love to you!! Elizabeth

 

[willis williams]

Elizabeth, hope your therapy goes great. Just keep an open mind to thier suggestions. That is the hardest part for me is to listen to thier shit when it is obviuos that they don't have thier ducks in a row. I know that it is thier job and most do it good but I always feel like they are just passing time when I am with them. Let us know how it goes they might tell you something that we could use in our own shit pile. Good luck. TEX

 

[Ladyhope Somerset]

It is a medical condition in which your brain 'takes flight' from reality under certain situations - in a range of different ways.

You, yourself, don't view getting emotionally close to someone as a threat to your existence, but for someone with severe PTSD, it can be just that, to their damaged mind. Under those circumstances, hiding and turning off a phone are maybe the only things to do, in an effort to 'protect' yourself from the 'threat'.Sometimes the 'threat' can be almost anything, including daylight or any sight or sound of a person, or the noise of birds tweeting... it is a very severe psychological condition and is not simply "he's upset" or "he's been through some tough times and behaves a bit oddly". It's more like what he's been through has torn him to pieces and the fragile threads that hold him together are snapped by ordinary everyday things, each and every day.

It is very very difficult to explain, and it seems to me that you are doing the right thing for you and him just at present. Good luck with the counselling and good luck with the future

Jan

[edited to emphasise the 'you' in middle paragraph means Elizabeth, where the other 'you's in the paragraph above mean a person with PTSD!]

Hi Jan

I do like your explanation about self protection is good and I think it would be useful to tie it in with hyper vigilance, which has been talked about elsewhere on this forum. The hv angle helped me understand some behaviors are as a result of military training and put into context the response to perceived threats .

PTSD is a very complex medical and psychological condition that will really, really, test relationships! But a bit at a time we learn. Link Removed

Hope this makes sense and will help other Supporters' understanding.

RG

 

[sisu]

My first therapy appointment is in a few hours. I am nervous and excited. I started a journal a few days ago and thought I might write down all of the things that are weighing on my soul. I am on my 5th page and haven't even gotten to my ex-BF yet. I think that this will be good. And I can actually thank my ex-BF for hitting rock bottom finally and dealing with this shit I have been burying for so long. He was definately the catalyst for me reaching out for help finally. I think I sought a broken man because I am broken. Too bad he won't deal with his shit.....he just takes the meds the VA gives him and thats it. He won't do therapy because its not convenient. He has left a path of destruction since being diagnosed 7 years ago.....he even said recently that he knows he has left a path of destruction. Apparently he is okay with that.

He hurt me terribly, but maybe he might just help me too by the fact that he hurt me so bad. Kinda twisted in a good way.

 

[willis williams]

Thats the way to see it you find the good in the ruff that is why I am confident that you will pull through. So many vets have hate for themselves that they can't see the good even though it is right in front of them. I learned in therapy that I should not project my anger on to others like bad drivers ect. because there may be a good reason and being pissed at others just hurt me especialy with PTSD. I don't follow this advise very well but when I do I notice a differance. You are doing good by finding the good it will help in therapy and remember what I said plenty of times You can't fix that kind of broken be strong and keep in touch so we can giggle at your first therapy session since most people go in very aprehencive. TEX

 

[sisu]

Wow! I was kinda nervous and had no idea what to expect from therapy. My therapist is awesome. She asked me a few things and then let me ramble on. Then she would ask a few more questions and let me ramble again. Then she would tell me about the things I was saying and how and why they effected me in my life. Holy shit I have so many factors effecting my life it's really a wonder that I have made it this far. I have hope that I am on the right track now and will one day be able to live a very fulfilling life ~ but I have a lot of work to do on myself first.

Detached parents, narcisistic ex-husband and multiple issues in-between that were pushed deep inside. The ptsd ex-BF is the least of my problems. He most likely appreciated what I gave to him emotionally the most. He was just emotionally unable to give me back what I needed as he is not in any type of therapy. But I do think he gave to me the best he was capable of giving. She said typically combat ptsd decreases ones emotional capacity to about 60% of what you had before. And without therapy and that awareness from therapy, who knows?!?

I have a weekly appointment set up for the rest of the month already. Who knows from there...

 

[willis williams]

Good on you! hope that you get a lot from it. 60% hell that is my goal. LOL. It is harder knowing that I don't have emotions then most of the other affects of PTSD. When you have to look in the eyes of the woman you love and fake feelings or try making love to someone when you know that a good bit of the emotions that got you there were fake. Believe it or not unless a person is totally gone knowing that we don't have them is just about as frustrating as for the person on the receiving end. TEX

 

[sisu]

You are so funny TEX!! (60% is your goal.) I KNOW you have lots of rough days, but I can tell you are an extremely smart, intuitive, spiritual and kind man. You can't hide those things. I see all of the good in you!!

Dang, I know why you guys complain about this therapy stuff....it's hard! I have my "homework" in front of me and I've been trying to complete it since last week. I have to list 5 pros and 5 cons about myself and I just stare at the paper unable to write anything. I have nothing good or bad to say about myself....it's so weird. How is that possible?!? I'll get it done, but I feel like I am at the base of a huge mountain that is looming in front of me.....and I have to climb it. I guess the view will be better from the top instead of the hole I was living in!!

I still keep hoping that I will hear from my ex-BF ~ I would just like to be his friend. We were best friends and I really do miss that part. Plus he has no idea how much he has inspired me to get the help that I needed so desperately. That is probably also weird.....I was trying so hard to be there for him and understand him that I ended up helping myself. God I wish I could have helped him too.

 

[willis williams]

Elizabeth you have a lot of good qualities. Just write them down if you are like me I second guess myself. I pick a good quality and at the same moment I am thinking well if that were true this or that would never have happened. It has taken me a long time to realise that not all the shitty stuff that happens in my life is my fault and I still second guess any good qualities that I have. Weird thing is everybody is always telling me that they admire my confidence little do they know I am second guessing everything at the same time they are admiring. I am working on this but it gets a little scary when you have used a fake front to protect yourself for so many years. Example I used to fight a lot and I was very good at it people around that seen that side of me always see me as tuff not scared and dangerous because the only reason I was ever good at fighting was I have a lot of pent up anger and fear I want to go home at the end of the day so I play for keeps. I don't want to be looked at like I am tuff that is just one wall I buildt to protect myself so I would be left alone. I hope all of us find the answers that we are looking for. Hope your next session goes really well for you. TEX

 

[sisu]

I am exactly like that Tex....write something down, second guess myself and erase it. Or I think of something, then I cancel it out because of this other thing I do.... I ended up coming up with 2 pros and 2 cons about myself. I am learning way too much about myself.....I think living in "darkness" was much easier. I guess its true what they say..."Life is a bitch, because if it was a slut it would be easy!". LOL

I have hopes of being friends with my ex-BF someday. I am pretty sure that I can be his friend. I miss our friendship the most. I am not 100% sure he can be my friend though. He had said at one point that seeing me would be hard if he wasn't with me, because he would always want to be with me. (this was in a conversation after we broke up)

My therapist is helping me get a better understanding of combat ptsd. I've got a lot of work to do on me right now though. I truly admire you guys/gals working through all of your stuff in therapy because it ain't for wimps!!

When is that new baby due Tex?? Do you know if its a boy or girl yet? Any dreams to know what to call the baby??

Take care!! E

 

[willis williams]

Not sure on the sex. If it is a girl Tala means stalking wolf. Haven't settled on boy name for sure. It is due the end of june first of july. Just glad that you are getting stuff sorted. I do therapy every two weeks and the aftermath is the worst you bring out so much and then go home and try and prosess it no fun. If he can't be your friend at least you will have a better sense of yourself and you will cope with it better. As for friendship just knowing you on hear I highly dowt you will have much of a problem filling that void. Life is funny when you first came on I attacked you because I thought you were being unfair to your BF and now I just look forward to hearing from you. Guess partly because I was that guy like your BF and treated women bad and to see you addapt and overcome this I have a lot of respect for you. Life is funny that way when I was hurting the feelings of women I did not care. I started caring more after my divorce but still had some ruff spots that needed sanding. Then talking with all the carers on here and hearing how bad they suffer at a PTSD sufferers hands so to say make me realize even more about how I screwed up in the past. I'm not going to lie I am still a hand full for Seren especialy when I shut down. Even when you think you comunicate well it is still hard in a relationship to fully express how one feels. Sense one of the people envolved is always some what destracted with self gain wich is normal human nature. Just rambling. Proud of you! TEX

 

[sisu]

I think you just gave my oldest daughter an idea what to name her first born :p...although she is only 13 and has a LONG time before that happens. She has always had an obession with wolves. She is an avid reader and enjoys writing short stories. Every story she writes is about wolves, every picture she draws is about wolves. She ends her emails with "I <3 wolves". She is a silly girl.

I also saw that you have mentioned Spokane. That is where my ex-BF grew up. Actually in a small town near Spokane called Elk. His entire family still lives in Spokane ~ he is the only one that moved away because of the military. He never moved back to Washington after the Army. I think he would like to someday, but his kids and 2nd ex-wife live here and he doesn't want to move away from his two youngest kids. The other ex-wife moves a lot with his two oldest kids...she re-married another Army man. Actually his oldest is a sophmore in college out East and the other one is graduating high school in May. He missed out on a lot of their life with the Army....the two youngest are 3rd & 6th grade and he doesn't want to miss anything in their lives if he can help it.

I agree, the aftermath of therapy is the worst. I am going weekly right now until I can get a handle on all of this. Thank goodness I have insurance!! I've got plans with girlfriends this weekend ~ that will be good for me. I may get brave and call my ex-BF and offer my friendship. Who would have thought that heartbreak would wind up being such a blessing. (for the record...it doesn't FEEL like a blessing right now, but getting me to therapy IS.)

Thanks for your support Tex. It does mean a lot to me! E