UnKnown-Self
Diamond Member
Abuse screws with intimacy. Whether you were sexually abused or not. It gets so intertwined with trust and control, there's the guilt of feeling pleasure, the guilt of not feeling pleasure. The powerlessness of not being able to say no and the power of promising to say yes and then saying no at the last minute.
There is the inner turmoil of wanting to and at the same time when you do, traumatizing your child parts. So you drink or smoke weed to numb yourself enough to do it and maybe even enjoy it. When you are in a relationship in your twenties and thirties and you have a randy partner, that's a lot of drinking and smoking. Plus there's the morning wood and there's no time for drinking or smoking then. You might simply act like you are mostly still asleep and hope no serious participation is expected on your part. The craziness is those times when you get to cuddle and talk afterwards, that's the real intimacy part, not the sex act. Then kids come along and time, energy and patience, along with the talk times get fewer and farther in between. Resentment builds on both sides and with resentment comes the power play. This is when the crazy shit starts. No sex, sneak in while she's asleep (or pretending to) sex, angry sex, make up sex, desperate, please don't leave sex and perhaps finally hall sex. Hall sex is when you pass each other in the hall and say "f*ck you" and get back "f*ck you too!"
This can go through cycles for years. One person might cheat with a real, live person, another might have an online affair. Both might just start self pleasuring because everything else is just too much work.
Some women in their forties hit their prime and " go into heat" and that is a pretty accurate phrase because you can feel the heat through your pores and you can't think of anything but sex.
Then menopause hits. I didn't go through a lot of what I hear reported, the mood swings, hot flashes nope, everything just stopped. I kinda figured nature was giving me a break since I had been through enough. Ha! When I was with my late husband, my sex button just turned off. Nada, nothing, I even twiddled my twat myself and nothing. What the hell? It was like that for a couple years and hubby felt tricked and betrayed, hell I did too. Here was someone I loved and loved me and my works shut the hell down. Real funny sense of humor mother f*cking nature. I offered to attend to his needs and that worked for a little bit but men and their egos need to know they drive you insane with desire and the resentment and power games start. Much more subdued but enough so when one day my va jay jay part returned singing I'm back! I kept it to myself, drove to an area no one knew me an got myself a battery operated boyfriend (B.O.B.) and he never knew. Of course there was much more to it all, like he was depressed and not showering during that time which had nothing to do with sex but his own demons. Even Bob has lost his allure but at least he doesn't bitch about it. Sex is more than a physical function, so much more.
So people how has PTSD affected your sex life? I would love to hear both sides. Don't be shy, I think we can learn a lot from each other.
There is the inner turmoil of wanting to and at the same time when you do, traumatizing your child parts. So you drink or smoke weed to numb yourself enough to do it and maybe even enjoy it. When you are in a relationship in your twenties and thirties and you have a randy partner, that's a lot of drinking and smoking. Plus there's the morning wood and there's no time for drinking or smoking then. You might simply act like you are mostly still asleep and hope no serious participation is expected on your part. The craziness is those times when you get to cuddle and talk afterwards, that's the real intimacy part, not the sex act. Then kids come along and time, energy and patience, along with the talk times get fewer and farther in between. Resentment builds on both sides and with resentment comes the power play. This is when the crazy shit starts. No sex, sneak in while she's asleep (or pretending to) sex, angry sex, make up sex, desperate, please don't leave sex and perhaps finally hall sex. Hall sex is when you pass each other in the hall and say "f*ck you" and get back "f*ck you too!"
This can go through cycles for years. One person might cheat with a real, live person, another might have an online affair. Both might just start self pleasuring because everything else is just too much work.
Some women in their forties hit their prime and " go into heat" and that is a pretty accurate phrase because you can feel the heat through your pores and you can't think of anything but sex.
Then menopause hits. I didn't go through a lot of what I hear reported, the mood swings, hot flashes nope, everything just stopped. I kinda figured nature was giving me a break since I had been through enough. Ha! When I was with my late husband, my sex button just turned off. Nada, nothing, I even twiddled my twat myself and nothing. What the hell? It was like that for a couple years and hubby felt tricked and betrayed, hell I did too. Here was someone I loved and loved me and my works shut the hell down. Real funny sense of humor mother f*cking nature. I offered to attend to his needs and that worked for a little bit but men and their egos need to know they drive you insane with desire and the resentment and power games start. Much more subdued but enough so when one day my va jay jay part returned singing I'm back! I kept it to myself, drove to an area no one knew me an got myself a battery operated boyfriend (B.O.B.) and he never knew. Of course there was much more to it all, like he was depressed and not showering during that time which had nothing to do with sex but his own demons. Even Bob has lost his allure but at least he doesn't bitch about it. Sex is more than a physical function, so much more.
So people how has PTSD affected your sex life? I would love to hear both sides. Don't be shy, I think we can learn a lot from each other.
