Thank you all for your responses! :notworthy::notworthy::hug:
@Tanishq : Even awesome people can be difficult to handle but I got the message. Thank you, my friend. :)
@Sammyiam : Thank you for your post. My best friends know me really good - so I think she knows when I need time for myself or a biiiig hug. She's the only person whom I can tell that I need time for myself who doesn't feel insulted by that.
@fellowsufferer : I will cheer for you that your dream with the relationship will become true. But don't push yourself, take your time. :hug:
@Fadeaway : I'm sorry to hear that you struggle so hard with your husband. It was the same with my ex-boyfriend...so I'm really with you in that matter.
@illusionist : Glad to hear that you're doing better with your partner now. Your housemates sound really scary. My best friend already promised me that she will not invite people to stay over night who I don't know - to give me as less pressure as possible. She lived in several student dorms and hated the "clean" state there...so we're on eye sight concerning that matter.
@Muse: Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and experiences. The list is a good idea - I will write one and talk about the points with my best friend.
I can understand that you felt very angry about the behaviour of those people, I would have been enraged, too. My best friend and I don't use make up...:p ...and I know her friends and they would never touch my stuff without asking before. It's the same for her. We're both no party people so I don't fear such incidents are likely to happen. ...one hug for you and your brave message. :hug:
I think my best friend and I are not in love in the usual relationship manner, but we have sex...I don't know if we use it to release tension. :confused: ...I don't think so....:cool: ...but I will report after we'll moved in in August.
@FridayJones : We do have sex ...when we feel like it. :cool: Is it bad or good influence?
@falling_wave : Thank you for sharing your experiences and emotions. :hug: I also lived with a random roommate once while I was in boarding school. I'm sorry to hear that your relationship to your best friend developed in such a negative way. Did you make up again after you lived on your own again? I'm glad to hear that you're able to go out and meet friends. That is something what's really hard for me...I need someone to grab my hand or push me - otherwise I stay inside and hide.
@TreeHugger : Thank you so much for your post. I always feel very honoured when you share your thoughts and experiences. :hug: And I really appreaciate your advices, my friend. :)
Are there specifically concerns, fears or experiences that make you doubt now this mutual decision of sharing a flat?
No, they appear more in a general way. My best friend and I are rather different but it's like we add up. It's just that I use to adapt too much when I'm with a person and lose myself through that behaviour.
What is / are the reasons for you and your best friend, to decide, to share a flat together?
There are several reasons: I grow lonely where I live now (no short-range public transport, no people in my age, rock-solid village community with no place for strangers), my best friend starts a dual study close to the town where I work, she doesn't know anyone around here besides me, she won't have much money and sharing a flat will be cheaper...these are the main reasons. There's also the fact that she wants to be closer to me to help me with my problems - I was very, very sick last year...and she was really scared.
How do the two of you approach problems or misunderstandings with each other? (Avoidant, immediate = right when they arise, confrontational, hardly ever, e.t.c.)
We talk about them. She can be very bitchy and I usually need some more time to speak out such things - but we can be honest and we learned the most important rules of conversation (thanks to Schulz von Thun) and it works out really good.
Is there a fear, of losing the friendship, if it would occur, that living together isn't what you and / or your best friend imagined, it might be?
I don't think so. We know each other since 13 years and went through many hardships. We had two relationships and broke up twice but we still couldn't live without the other one. It's like we're two halves. There will be a lot of stuff we'll have to talk about...but we spent already a lot of time together and it worked out. I need to give up control and she needs to be a bit more attentive for housework...so, no big obstacles.
What is your experience concerning the next question; Is there enough personal space for the needs of both? I.e., when you arrive at home, after a hard, long day of work, could you just freely inform her, that you now need an hour of solely Anrish-time (alone-time?) at first?
There will be. She already knows that I always need some time to get out of police officer mood. We'll have seperate sleeping rooms, one common living room and our home office. She always give me that time and when I might freeze, she also kicks me out to go for a ride on my bike or for a run so I can calm down again. When I tell her, that won't be a big deal. She also has those times.
Do you know each others habits already (a bit:))?
Oh yeah, we do. :p ...and we're willing to learn.
Does each of you two know, what you need and expect from each other when living together?
We talked about that a lot. We need freedom and trust. These are the most important things...the rest will develope from that. The chores will be splitted.
I'm glad to hear that you share your flat with your friend and are not alone. :hug: ...my best friend also knew me before PTSD - and there are still misunderstandings but she doesn't judge me, she tries to understand or just accepts. That makes it really comfortable for me. On the other hand, she has the problem, that she is a very spoiled only child who never learned to live on her own. There were always grandmother and mother over her - she longs for independence but doesn't know how to develope...I always try to push her a bit and she already got better.
@itsKismet : Thank you for sharing. I'm sorry that you suffered so much. ...I learned from my best friend that I'm not responsible for everything and that I don't have to take care of everything - so she doesn't expect me to be the perfect room mate.
And, I totally agree. To stay and remain in a certain situation can lead to much more suffering than anything else.
@Blue Survivor : Thank you for sharing. Moving out was the best thing you could do. Personal space is really important for us and I feel sorry that your ex didn't respect that. I hope things will get better for you. :hug:
Thank you all so much!!! :hug::hug::hug: ...I feel less insecure and you helped me to become more conscious of certain things. :)
