Sufferer Long Lasting Physical/sexual Abuse

[TLight]

Hi and welcome;

YOur intro sounds very much like my story....very violent constantly, then violent sexual abuse starting very young...no way out until I escaped at 14.

No no pity here. But support and empathy for the very real scars we have to deal with daily. The anxiety, intrusive thoughts, depressions, anger, rage.....inability to feel other emotions.
PTSD is very real and very very hard. Don't discount what you are going through. It is absolute hell.

I only say that because I discounted my symptoms for decades and self medicated in various ways. Denial is huge. Saying I'm not strong isn't true, however, strength alone hasn't pulled me through. We have to learning coping skills and ways to deal with symptoms, which, unfortunately, will likely always plague us, although it does get better.
Not working has made a huge difference for me, life or death really. Although i'm not happy about that either......living poor. It's like they win somehow, again.

 

[TLight]

ps.......like your avatar. I'm a horse person. My husband and I own a stable and I ride dressage (or attempt to!). Good medicine.........not the business, but my horse.

 

[Rumors]

I get where you are coming from Cherokee. My mindset is similar. Just don't expect more of yourself than you would expect of others in the same scenario! I, too, believe a pity party isn't productive and has no place in my plan.

Best wishes for a happy thanksgiving. Still love the avatar. Is that yours or a copy from the Internet?

 

[Sing2me]

It's a copy. I really wish he was mine though:). I agree with both of y'all and thank you for your posts. I know I expect to much of myself sometimes, my therapist gets on to me about that all the time. l'm not in denial in what I have gone through and still am. Since friday Ive been disassociating most of the time and nightmares waking me up all night. I have forgiven all those who hurt and abused me but unfortunately doesn't take away the symptom much less PTSD. My doctor wants me to a PTSD claim in progress but I've refused to that.

 

[TLight]

I was 'toughing' it out for decades. I look back at those days and realize that toughing it is no way to live. I wasted way to many years in agony of being 'strong' and lost my physical health in the process.
PTSD is a medical injury to our brains that simply can't be beat with 'positive thoughts.' Although that helps a ton! At some point we have to acknowledge our limitations, attempt to live within them, but push the boundaries slowly and very cautiously, otherwise we will head for a big downfall.

Gentle and steady progress. No one is superhuman. I thought I was. I'm not.

Be gentle with you and don't waste too much time struggling to overcome something that can only be acknowledged and lived with. It's not that you have PTSD, it's how you 'wear it.'

I'm not trying to be confrontational, just speaking from experience. I can't work a normal job, likely never will be able to again. But there are many things I can do now that I couldn't do while I was just simply trying to manage a job. I'm disabled. Took me many years to accept that, but when I did, life got a tiny bit more worth living.

 

[Sing2me]

Your not being confrontational, your contributing to a discussion and giving your opinion. I know positive thinking isn't going to overcome a medical injury. And yes there are some thing's I have to tough out like working. What I need and will eventually do is change my career. All of us are different and have to treat our needs differently. I wish I were superwoman;) but unfortunately not.

However, I choose to look at my situation is that the nightmares I faced and surviving has given me an opportunity. I've never met an animal that wouldn't come to me. Taking in a dog or horse thats been abused and changing their little lives... theres joy in that. Even saving a wolf, baby deer, raccoon... I can tell when someones scared or hurting. And then I help them.

I don't try to make myself be stronger than I can be. I'm simply as strong as I am. But taking the negative aspects of my life and trying to turn it into a positive for others is what I need and who I am. That's what makes life worth living for me.

 

[Sing2me]

I've lived with PTSD since I was a small child. I've never known what it was like to not be apart of me. Maybe that's why I see things differently because I have never got to be another way.