Relationship Looking For Advice On How To Support My Girlfriend.

[woundedwing_]

Hello! So I have been dating the woman of my dreams (who has cPTSD). She has only opened up enough to give me a general understanding of what she's going through and was somewhat recently diagnosed.

I am posting this because everything had been going really well until she had to start pulling way more hours at work. We are in a distance relationship and only got to spend time on weekends, but now she works everyday except Sunday, so usually is busy all day finally running errands for herself. Which has been taxing in itself...

The rift became a gorge recently when she said she needed space and as I was trying to respect that, and visited this site for the first time, it set off my own abandonment issues and I started to push her further away than nessicary... it's only gotten worse and worse in the last two weeks and our communication seems to also be breaking down.

I'm not sure how related it is to cPTSD versus just our personal issues, bit believe that cPTSD is kinda a part of everything for her whether I'm aware of it or not?

Any advice would be welcome on trying my hardest to return to our initial passionate fire...

 

[Ladyghosthunter]

I can't give you any good news, unfortunately. Due to both of you having PTSD, that's the first blow because each person's disability is different. The fire is gone and The Serenity Prayer comes to mind. You can't help the situation and sadly, you have to let her go.
The space in-between you two is also "deafening" as the silence of living a long distance relationship is hard enough as it is. The way I see this and please please don't take this the wrong way: PLEASE get yourself better before you start a relationship. I have abandonment issues and a lot of other things and trust me, if I knew then what I know now......things would be SOOOOOOO different.

Let's get you well or stable first. Let's not worry about what you can't control.

 

[EveHarrington]

Uhm are you aware of the honeymoon period? It isn't real. It never comes back. Now is when you get to know the real person and love them warts and all. (Or things end because their warts clash with your warts.)

 

[Ladyghosthunter]

Uhm are you aware of the honeymoon period? It isn't real. It never comes back. Now is when you ge...

Bingo. Warts and all.

 

[NaeNae75]

I can't give you any good news, unfortunately. Due to both of you having PTSD, that's the first...

I re-read his post several times. Where does it say he has PTSD? All it says is he has abandonment issues? Non PTSD people can have those too.

 

[NaeNae75]

Uhm are you aware of the honeymoon period? It isn't real. It never comes back. Now is when you ge...

I agree with this, but want to add something. The passionate fire can be in a relationship after the honeymoon period, but it comes from finding passion in the warts, so to speak.
I've been with my s/o fir 6.5 years, and we both do have PTSD. It can be very vexing at times, if we're both symptomatic at the same time. I'm a fight and he's a flight.

When that happens he bolts every time. My gut reaction is to "fight" (for the relationship). I've learned this makes him retreat further.

So I've trained myself how to freeze instead. If I let him have his space and tell him I'm right here when he calms down...he always does.

It isn't normal or ideal, but it always brings us closer. When we aren't symptomatic, we do have passion...and more importantly, deep love and appreciation for each other. Good and bad.

 

[Ladyghosthunter]

I re-read his post several times. Where does it say he has PTSD? All it says is he has abandonment issues? Non PTSD people can have those too.

It's my assumption that he posted on this website because he has PTSD or she has it. Here is a website to back up my statement:
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder of Abandonment, Part I: An Overview
Unless they say they don't have PTSD, I'm assuming either one or both have it.

 

[joeylittle]

Unless they say they don't have PTSD, I'm assuming either one or both have it.

He said she has it.

And because of that, I've moved this over to the Supporters forum. @woundedwing_ , you'll find many helpful threads around here.

 

[Ladyghosthunter]

He said she has it.

And because of that, I've moved this over to the Supporters forum.

Thank you Joey!!!!