Sufferer Looking For Any Support I Can Get. At The End Of My Rope

[Shannonstrong]

Hello all. . My Name is Shannon. I have been suffering from ptsd and other stuff for 5 years now and at times I felt better. Recently I have been on a downward spiral. The Very negative thoughts that ruled my life until I started fighting back are back. I'm a husband and a father. My wife sees my pain but chooses not to care much because it will interfere with her life and she apparently doesn't get how someone can be so unhappy. At This point my daughters face each day had kept me alive. She is 2 and melts my heart because I feel her love when she says it. I'm To a point where I really just want to disappear. 5 years of feeling this daily is or had wore me down so much. . Its almost like I'm just waiting on that day When it all finally stops.

 

[WillyKat]

Welcome to the Forum!

First, you've come to the right place. It's so very difficult if your wife or significant other isn't supportive. I can attest to that. They don't live in your shoes so can't understand it.

It took a lot of work, but I finally got my wife to read a book on PTSD. Finally, she did just a month or so ago. That and a sincere talk after my recent vision quest, she finally came around and is starting to "get it."

I've also been on that spiral you speak of, often. You're not alone in that.

Are you working with a counsellor/therapist? If not, perhaps you should do so very soon. Same question about medications.
It might help to tell us your story, so that we can better respond to what you're dealing with.

In the meantime, know that this forum rocks. We support each other. You are not alone.

 

[Shannonstrong]

I have tried therapy but I think it was just not the right therapist for me. Medication Wise. .anti depressants make me suicidal. So I don't take those. My Dr prescribed adderral which helped me with focus and motivation but that has pretty much went away. I was a city police officer and I was falsely accused of crime (murder) in order for them to get me to resign. So I lost my career and have my name and face all over the Internet. I'm reminded off that life everyday as I still live in the same city and see the cars and people I used to work with.

I have night mares of being in jail and knowing I didn't do anything wrong. Over the last 5 year's I have isolated myself from every one I know. It's like I live In my own world all the time. I avoid l leaving my house except to work because of the anxiety I get. Being put in jail on a A Felony murder charge will destroy an innocent persons mind. Especially when they are not a criminal. Politics I guess. But as everyones life goes on. . My stands still

 

[arfie]

Hello Shannon. Welcome to the forum. It certainly sounds like you are in the right place. Healing happens. Hope it happens to you. This is gnarly stuff to isolate yourself with.

I don't expect my husband to understand my PTSD. He is welcome to ask questions, but it is not the center of our relationship. He is my partner, not my therapist. When I am being honest with myself, I can see where I am asking him to understand stuff I don't understand myself when I cry to him about my unhappiness.

The folks who seem to understand the best are folks dealing with the same issues. Folks like the ones here. As a bonus, none of them are asking me to pick up groceries on the way home. :clown:

Welcome and give your precious girl a hug for me.;) Please don't disappear on her.

 

[WillyKat]

I was falsely accused once, but it was less than nothing compared to that, and it still hurts. The accuser in my case was / is very ill.

Much of the research I see suggests strongly that working with a therapist works as well or better than medication. I quite meds two years ago and one year ago found a good therapist. I agree though that finding the *right* therapist is key.

About a year ago, I contacted the therapist I had about 12 years ago to get a referral. I knew I couldn't go back to her because she moved away, but I figured she could point me in the right direction. Well, the one she referred me to was booked solid, so I literally went shopping. I set up appointments with two out of the four I called. One turned out to be quacky but the other is pretty good and I'm making good progress.

I told them from the start that I was shopping, looking for the right chemistry. They both thought doing that was a good idea, even the flaky one. You might consider going shopping yourself.

 

[Shannonstrong]

That's a great idea. .I had one that I was seeing before every thing happened. .we clicked then. . But im not sure how it would be now. The Last session with him was the day everything happened.

 

[Britt.f7]

I hope you decide to get therapy. It may work for you. Tough part is finding someone who you could relate to and open up to. It may take a few sessions for you to decide.

I always think the adults can handle it, but the child doesn't understand it. It is important to get help while that beautiful little girl is still young. Trust me when I say she needs her daddy. My children have lived through my depressions and have come out compassionate young men. I am fortunate. I also have a supportive husband, even if he doesn't always get it. I wish you healing.

 

[Shannonstrong]

On The wife understanding. .. she will never understand. I guess from her. . When im having one of those days..I would like a "its gonna be ok" instead I get.."you are allowing this to control you" "you need to figure it out and move on from it" or the best one today. ..my friend kim was raped and she doesnt have issues like you..

I was pretty much called a mental nut case and she doesn't get it. So There's my support. . That is why I would rather just get on a plane and fly away. . Any where

I hope you decide to get therapy. It may work for you. Tough part is finding someone who you could relate to and open up to. It may take a few sessions for you to decide.

Thank you.. im gonna call the place I went before this imcident

And yes my little girl is about the only thing that makes me smile. .. Other than her. . My trust in others to be there is gone. According to everyone..well my wifes family...I should be over it by now.

 

[euca]

Good for you Shannon. My significant other has no idea and would never get it either. But..(just like arfie said), he is my partner not my therapist so I'm clear in my own mind on that. Your first priority should be to find some help that will allow you work through your trauma and be in a better place to manage your relationship. Your little one is a great reason to work hard at this. My three angles make life worth sticking with, although I have often dreamt of flying off into the sunset one way or another. But, they need me, she needs you and don't let yourself think anything otherwise. It is possible to manage this condition, it is possible to be more in control of our relationships. I hope you do call your previous therapist and it works out for you.

 

[euca]

Additionally, people who don't understand PTSD often do think we should 'get over things'. This is the clinical issue, PTSD is what happens when you can't get over things. It is a medically recognised condition. They may not understand this, but you can. Be gentle with yourself.

 

[macca]

Shannon, you need and deserve support. You cannot "just get over" PTSD. I'm pretty sure that's what they used to say to veterans before it was understood. My husband is usually supportive, so I am lucky, but even so he still has trouble understanding at times. A good therapist can make such a difference. Meanwhile, keep your little girl close, and stay here for her sake!

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Your wife sounds....Cold. I'm sorry she isn't more supportive. I've gotten the same lines from people in my life. As if I have a choice. Yes, certain things are a choice but I can't will away some of my worst symptoms any more than a diabetic can control their blood sugar by wishing it to be so. Ugh. Sorry, peeve of mine.