Looks Left, Then Right....sits In The Back.

[Necreitus]

My names Nate. I was diagnosed with severe Combat PTSD in 2013. I've been struggling to accept my diagnoses still. I served in Iraq with 2/3 Infantry. I was both Infantry and Supply; so I had roadside bombs, mortars, bullets, and angry comrades to deal with....sometimes I think I preferred all the rest over my brothers. Lol.

For the most part I wrung the counselors clean of info and refuse medication (personal preference not out of pride. Medicine is good for some). I deal with my down days with meditation and a lot of complaining. Im in a better place with my Individual Unemployability, which allows me to stay home and make enough to live. It helps, but doesn't satisfy.

I'm trying to figure out what is permanent and what isn't. I'm trying to finish my therapy with a new perspective of my future. Do I plan to buy a briefcase and go back to work eventually? Or do I plan to work from home the rest of my life? Regardless, I'm trying to get back to making my income. I deal with nightmares, hypervigilance, driving rage, and nervousness. I used to become paranoid and hallucinate, but with the IU I have lessened my stress. I'm going to school to become a programmer, and I do believe I can make a decent living from home.

I know many of you deal with much worse symptoms than I do now, but I used to be there and I can tell you it gets better through activity and time. I have a great support group, my wife's family, so I had more upfront help in recovery. What I need now only you can give me. Help me understand how to plan my life forward so I can stop being stagnant and angry. I get bored with my most loved and valued activities, yet can't seem to figure any other activity to do. I feel bad sometimes because I feel as though I don't deserve my IU, even though I TOTALLY do. I guess I'm a worker bee with a broken wing and don't know what the next step is. I've asked counselors, but they return with general guidance and incomplete answers.

Thank you for reading all this and I hope you can help or validate my issue.

 

[Deleted member 33437]

Welcome Nate :)

 

[BaMuoiBa]

Welcome Nate, your among friendlies here.

IU does allow some of us the leeway to find the balance dealing with the beast and that's a good thing for sure. Then, there those of us who forged our lives using work and booze to to mask everything and anything related to our behavior and raining hell upon those who we loved (and those who may have deserved it).

Here it is 2016 I'm at 80% (140% before VA math), have not worked for 10+ years since I elected to retire after 27 years of biting the bullet dealing with the beast. Applied for IU over a year ago and the RO is still sitting on it. At 71 they will delay, deny and hope that I'll die - time is on their side. As long as I'm still a degree above room temperature I'll keep poking them in the eye. Good luck in you endeavors brother.

Ba

 

[Chin Strapped]

Welcome Nate.

I'm 32 work part time in a menial job and lie about that fact to people who ask me what I do.

It's a bitter pill to swallow, but yes, things are different now and that's how I stay less stressed. I feel guilty about collecting money from the VA each month, but know I probably deserve it.

Hopefully you will enjoy being a programmer and find the right location to do it.

I see my life going one way, living in more isolated areas and keeping the same very small social circle and family contacts.

I enjoy some stuff though, so find time to do hobbies.

Personally I feel there is no happy ending when living with the beast, just learning to deal with it and doing your best. But if you or anyone on here find the cure, let me know yeah, I'm counting on you lot ;)

 

[Deleted member 43454]

Welcome Nate, I'm living on 70 percent over here.
Taking me awhile to just accept that.
Stagnant and Angry has been where I'm at for a bit now lol. Least on my bad days.
Progress at turtle speed over here but progress none the less.
Programming sounds like a good deal considering your situation.
There are certain types of people who can do that line of work, my step dad is one of them.

As for me personally learning those programming languages etc the thought alone almost brings a headache.
But the more power to you, you can def make a good living doing that.
When you applied for IU was there any risk of losing your 2nd amendment for it?

 

[Deleted member 43610]

When you applied for IU was there any risk of losing your 2nd amendment for it?

yes, they can. and for a lot less. I'll expand more when I have time...

 

[Friday]

Welcome to the forums.

Since we seem to be sharing ;) I haven't worked a real job in 4 or 5 years. Before that did the stay-at-home-parent thing, the full time student thing living off grants and scholarships, and a helluva lot of different kinds of jobs over the years. Trying to get back into the land of paychecks & real money for awhile now, but been pulling the old one thing going wrong after another thing. Of course it has been. C'est la vie. Never applied for benefits, but damn glad for those that have/can/& do.