Loosening Up Around Other People

[Die Hard The Hunter]

Has anyone here noticed that it's hard to be around people who don't seem as burdened down? Especially if you're in college, or around that age? (The age where people generally are not very burdened).

I spend most of my time working through problems, and when I'm not working through them, I'm thinking about ways to work through them. I'm becoming increasingly aware that other people don't do this. I also spend a lot of time in the presence of these people, and my mind is always off on this other plane where I'm slaying some personal dragon or solving some other conflict I've probably blown way out of proportion.

I don't really talk much around people because I don't have anything to say that isn't problem-related, and that can be tiring for other people to listen to. So I just kind of sit there and stare off into space, trying to think of pleasant, friendly things to say, but not really feeling it. If someone else is talking about something interesting, I may direct my attention to that. But otherwise, I'll just go off into that internal battlefield.

I noticed that this seems to happen to PTSD people, as well as ADHD people (I have the latter diagnosis). The few people I've known who have either PTSD or some kind of related experience do tend to share some of these traits, so I thought I would bring it up here. ADHD people tend to be a fun-loving bunch, and so I'm not sure if this is really an ADHD thing or if I'm just weird for some other reason.

 

[BrownEyes]

Hello Hunter,

I sometimes find it hard to be around others who are less burdened. But I don't think it's because I'm working through my internal problems at the time.

I think sometimes it's because I feel that they are sometimes complaining about things in their lives, when they don't really realize how blessed they are. I find it hard then to listen to them at those times. I also find that don't truly open up to others because I ultimately don't trust them and feel I will get hurt.

But day to day I find that I wear a mask of confidence and that I have an outgoing, positive, fun loving nature. But inside I realize that I'm sometimes faking it. That I would rather be left alone or say something to them to make the feel more grateful for what they have in life.

You say you don't talk much to others because you don't have much to say that's not problem related. I find that I can talk a lot to others by asking them all about themselves. That way I'm in the conversation, but the focus is on them instead of me. I feel safer that way.

 

[Die Hard The Hunter]

Yeah, I do like to ask questions, but it can be hard to keep my attention on the conversation if it's a group of people talking about things I don't know anything about (which is most things in life).

 

[cragger65]

I too have always been social challenged. I think drinking was my way to allow myself to interact with people, loosen me up so to speak. Now, I kind of squirm inside, wondering if anyone can tell just how whacked out I am and how nervous it makes me to be in others' company. I'll chip in a comment at an opportune moment, and then phase right back out again, thinking about whether the comment was "acceptable", despite people reacting positively. It's hard to get up much steam in the self confidence department, I tell ya. But I'm trying to remember my good qualities now, maybe this will make a bit of difference, I hope so.

 

[Grama-Herc]

I have noticed that when I do got out amoung people, I tend to ramble non stop, loudly and only speak about myself. It is, of course, a nervous reaction.

Once I realize I am being inappropriate, my discomfort gets worse, I clam up, I begin to sweat and 9 times out of 10, I will leave.

I have NEVER been able to be appropriately social unless drinking.

I do think about how lucky those others are to even have a life and friends and all the things that go with.