Lost and confused

[Rumors]

I imagine it would be nice to just let somebody else drive the bus for a while. I mean if your day is planned by others, meals are cooked, bedtime set, wake up set, it might feel very safe, secure, and comforting to just turn off for a bit and let someone else call the shots. I might not ever leave! There are days where I am done adulting... lol. Hang in there!

 

[FauxLiz]

@FauxLiz All I can say is everytime ive been in, I couldn’t wait to get out.

@She Cat trust me I wanted out every day all day I just found I was less hypervigilent inpatient

Use the booze to not be able to think straight and super fast speeds so when I wrecked and pasted away my wife would get the life insurance money

I don't use the two of them together. When I have considered suicide even when I have had financial issues that was never a factor. I first considered suicide at 12 and have struggled with it since

I imagine it would be nice to just let somebody else drive the bus for a while

I am not looking to let someone else drive the bus @Rumors in fact my desire is to get certain issues and behaviors under control so that I can return to work. Right now I am struggling with SI, SH, numbing behaviors and issues with sexual reactivity/re-enactment. Until I am able to face the past and actually verbalize my traumas I don't know how I can deal with them and move forward.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@FauxLiz The real problem is... You are facing your trauma right now, you just haven’t actually called it by it’s name....

 

[Rumors]

@FauxLiz
My post was actually a reflection of how I felt about it and not intended to reflect how you should feel. Just a different perspective. As well, let me add that as someone who has been in the pits of hell delving in to childhood trauma, sometimes it is ok to let someone else drive for a while. Someone trusted and appropriate that can help you get out of your own head and just help you begin to feel, be scared, feel helpless, and the various other things that come along with ptsd but give you a soft place to land. For me, I feel like I ALWAYS have to be in control and driving the bus. Reality is we aren't always in control and sometimes you have to rely on others to help you find your way. That doesn't mean that you are helpless or not being an active participant in the journey, it just means you are letting someone else punch the coordinates in the gps and drive for a while.
My gps is my therapist. If I had a different life I would absolutely have gone to a center and spent time healing myself. My therapist is my touch stone person and although I am in a good place right now and driving my own bus, next week could be different and I would be in her office asking for her help to navigate me out of the pits. It's tough and there is no right or wrong answer HOWEVER you have to open yourself to the possibility that anything is possible.
Best wishes on your journey...

 

[FauxLiz]

@Rumors thank you for the clarification. When I read your post I started thinking about what you said and you are right, it would be nice to relenquish control the way you describe. I am a complete control freak and I managed the lack of control inpatient by overly organizing my binder paperwork inpatient with dividers, post it flags, highlighters and muliti-colored pens.

 

[Rumors]

@Rumors thank you for the clarification. When I read your post I started thinking a...

Uh me too!!! Complete cluster f*ck control freak here!! It does get better... I had a need to be in control of my emotions and feelings all the time and know what was going to happen next.. it isn't possible. I just let things sit with me now and let them come over me like waves on the ocean. Some of the waves crash harder than others but most of the time I can ride the current if I just let myself. It's when you fight the tide you capsize... you have got this faux. Have faith in yourself enough to know that so far you are 100% successful at navigating the ocean tides and you haven't failed yet bc you are still here punching coordinates in the gps trying to reach land. You haven't given up on yourself and you need to know that you never will. When it gets rough, roll with the waves and reach out to someone safe and reliable. Let them help you get to shore. You have got this!
My therapist tells me often that her office is the one place that breathes hope. If I can't find it anywhere else in the world know that her place is a place of hope. That was the most hopeful thing and feeling I have ever had. Instead of fearing what would happen I simply looked at it as a place where hope lived. It was pretty cool actually and it likely saved my life... find your place of hope and go hang there.. hugs if you are ok with that!