Medicine Frustration

[desiderata310]

All my life, I have had trouble taking medications. For me the cure is almost worse than the disease.
Working to find something to help me with PTSD and sleep is proving no different. Actually, It's been proving more difficult.

Ativan works.. ish. Makes me ridiculously sleepy. It lingers and I find it hard to function on it. Still if I have some I will take it for panic attacks. Usually this is the end of my day however since I can't get back to normal on it. It bad for sleep since it makes it difficult to wake out of nightmares completely so that I can reground and go back to sleep.

Medical MJ has been ...helpful... As long as I am careful to take the correct strain and keep the dose VERY low. It simply depresses the immune system enough to give me a chance to chill. Too much makes me nauseous, panicked and dissociative. *rolls eyes* It's also impossible to take on trips out of state legally or to take to a residential setting. (btw I take it at the insistence and approval of my therapist)

Trazadone is bad news. It sent me into a spiral of depression and suicidality. It very nearly landed me in the hospital. Three weeks of regularly taking, left me with lingering depression and suicidal urges for several weeks.

The most recent is a BP med that is also used to help the user if they have PTSD: clonidine. The idea being that it give the sympathetic nervous system a puncher's chance at calming down. IT WORKED! I was happy to take this for the last two and a half weeks but after my therapist and I compared what I was experiencing (tachicardia, HIGH blood pressure, brachicardia, increased anxiety, depression) and the very long, very ugly week where I was becoming increasingly more anxious and less able to function (and experiencing severe anxiety and paranoia about being out in public) we both agreed that I should NOT be taking this medication.

I quit it last night and I can still feel the effects of it but at least I am not lying in bed unable to coax myself out and crying uncontrollably or completely parinoid of going out in public... at least, I don't think I am... I'll be testing that theory here in an hour. I can say I'm not ready to get back on my bike but I think I can comfortably drive my car without having a complete meltdown today.

I'm frustrated.

Really, more than anything, I want to be a functional human who can sleep through the night without spending half the time dealing with nightmares that significantly disrupt my sleep.

My therapist is says that it's just that I have a sensitive system. This is one of the reasons that he hopes we can find a residential setting I can be in for a bit. Right now, I take something and the side effects ruin me for two to three weeks and leave me struggling to try to normalize in the aftermath. His thought is that with someone there on site they can adjust in realtime.

Honestly, that scares me as much as being given a med and being cut loose! *shudder*

I'm quite frankly scared to try another medication. The side effects of dealing with the last two left me unable to function and feeling out of control. I've been closer to suicide on those to meds, self harmed, felt completely unsafe for longer periods than I have with severe triggers. The cure has been worse than the disease so far...

ok... trying not to cry about all this...

What the actual f*ck?

Anyone else had similar expereinces?

 

[desiderata310]

Pfft... Not immune system nervous system

 

[WildMermaid]

I've been allergic to benzo's (and Ativan) since childhood, and wear a medical alert anklet for them. When I was pregnant with my son I went into preterm labor, and was in the hospital. My husband says that they gave me Ambien and I dropped like a rock and my blood pressure plummeted, they thought I was going to lose my baby too. I have 0 memories of everything after the Ambien. I was in the hospital for days, and that was the first time doctors realized my drug reactions were not quite like others.

@desiderata310 some just are super sensitive to medications and usually they recommend a medical alert I.D. when your reactions are severe. Do you wear one? Has it been suggested? If you go inpatient will you still get to take your MJ? Oh I hope so, if it gives you peace! :hug:

 

[desiderata310]

No one has suggested a medical alert but I may get one anyway. The list of meds keeps growing. I am deathly allergic to penicillin. And sulfa as well. :bored:
Every residential program I've seen views PTSD as comorbid with substance abuse. No one is going to let me have MJ in that setting.

I don't fit that mould of that average Comorbid dx.

 

[WildMermaid]

Please do get a medical alert, being deathly allergic is a scary place to be! They can be bought online fairly cheaply. I've been wearing my stainless steel one since age 14. It is too big for my wrist so I just wear it fastened around my ankle. I may get the tattoo at some point as well, because as i said being deathly allergic is scary. I so understand your drug dilemmas! :hug:

 

[joeylittle]

@desiderata310, you might hate this suggestion - but I'd say you should give prazosin a try. It is also a BP med, but it's a totally different action, compared to clonidine. Prazosin does not affect heart rate or plasma. It works on different receptors, basically. It's the more subtle of the two.

The medication merry-go-round is not fun.

The other thing you could do is just really work on sleep hygiene, or try melatonin - liquid form is generally reported to be the most effective.

 

[desiderata310]

@joeylittle I am going to go my GP this week about another alternative. When I go see the GP I'll mention prazosin.
I can't say I'm excited about the prospect of trying a new med but I'm going to keep trying.
I have been working on sleep hygiene. I haven't tried melatonin. I can give that a shot.