Meds... Freaking out

[Tiana]

As I'm taking my meds, they're going in, I'm realizing what I'm taking and I freak out. I take 600mg of an anti psychotic. Anti psychotic. Psychotic. The word, what it means. What it means to me, what it means to other people, what I used to think as a pharmacy tech before any illnesses, knowing what the pharm techs think when they see the plethera of drugs I'm on. it's getting too real, my perception, the way things look and sound... and now i have to taka a xanax to fix this.

 

[Deleted member 93]

Changing your perception and learning not to care what others' opinions of you may be, but the opinion you hold of yourself to be healthy is what you need. Improving your self esteem will do you a lot better in the long run than taking Xanax to fix what you are describing.

 

[FlyLadyFan]

Yes, Tiana, it's got to be tough being on the "wrong" side of the pharm counter knowing what those on the dispensing side are thinking. Those of us who can only imagine what they're thinking (and then can doubting ourselves and pass our thoughts off as paranoid) can drop it after a while, but you really do know. Hopefully in time caring what "they" think will matter to you less and less.

Take what meds you've been prescribed as you rightfully need them. Eventually you learn to "tweak" your meds different ways at different times to achieve "balance" more often. Then when you have more time in a "normal" state you're learning the skills you need to depend less on meds (usually). At least three-plus years out that's how it's working for me.

Don't feel bad when you have to take multiple meds to control the multiple sides of PTSD ... PTSD is both anxiety and depression, usually opposites but we get the fun of mixing the oil and water in the same glass!

Hope you feel better soon,

FlyLadyFan

 

[Tiana]

Thanks, Veiled and FlyLadyFan. You both have really good points, and you give me differet ways to look at it. That alone alleviates the anxiety when it starts to rise.

Thanks so much!:smile:

 

[janis362529]

Tiana
I know those fears all to well up until Mother's Day I was a pharm tech and knowing what is said behind the scenes has me going to a different pharmacy then where I work so that my co workers do not talk about me with out know everything which I do not want to tell them

 

[Deleted member 93]

I am really surprised by the talk behind the counter. I mean I would think so much dope passes through people's hands it would not even be an issue. The pharmacists I came across have been 10 times better than my doctors as for keeping me informed. Always nice and genuine (maybe the small town I was in). No matter what time of day could always tell me of a possible interaction or if I was having a side effect or interaction or it was panic. A hundred times over I wished my pharmacist was my doc since he had a clue.

I would not have known that my dosage of Xanax was so high (compared to the norm) if it were not for my pharmacist. He said it was the highest dosage he had seen in his career. He was sincere and wanted to help me and he was an angel. Then my Psychologist who did work in psychiatric hospitals since I was born said the same, you clue in eventually.

I think there may be BS behind the counter but who back there is not standing up and saying hey, this shit hurts and people do need help? How many truly feel like knocking people? Or are they just keeping up appearances and following the herd off a cliff?

PTSD is no different. It is a very physical condition. Would you knock someone for painkillers from a major wreck? It takes time to heal and meds help ease the transition to active healing.

I know I needed meds heavily before being educated about what I had and put into practice what is preached here in the information section now. I am no friend to Xanax. Why I am quick to knock it for personal reasons. But I understand the pain one goes through to require it. I had to take 10 mgs a day to half ass control my symptoms.

Just please understand I do not mean to be short in my answers but I am in my anniversary area and breakdown every June... Posting this is exhausting. But look truly at my previous post and this forum and you will understand. A lot really boils down to self esteem and self worth. When you stop giving a rats ass about another's opinion. Easier said than done no doubt. I am still stuck at 3/4 mg a day on good days and as much as 2 on bad ones. I do a lot of holistic (meditation, self talk, CBT, chamomile, and the like) and you must take responsibility of learning a lifestyle change to feel better. It is a lot like being pissed you gain weight eating burgers and pizza everyday, you have to change your life and out look on it.

 

[Monarch]

I just had this conversation with my boss on Friday, he said that I need to stop caring about what other people think of me and don't put stock in their opinions. It isn't worth it, I have to do things because I want to and if someone doesn't like me, **** 'em, I shouldn't care if they like me or not I am not living my life for them. It is hard for me but I am trying.

 

[Deleted member 93]

Monarch, I spoke of this earlier with a daughter. Be who you are, not what other people want. You have your life and have to live it. You get one shot. You pay for your thoughts and actions, not others. Use it to find happiness and peace and be someone who changes the world with your own ideas. Stay away from the herd. I fully agree **** em, find peace within.