General Military Attitude

[Sighs]

I'm not sure if this is a PTSD thing or just a military thing. (My man was career infantry for about 25 years.)

He seems to think that if you just try hard enough or practice hard enough you can master any task. I don't think that is true. For a start he is 6 ft and very physically fit and strong. I'm 5 ft, female and work in an office. He has very good vision and hearing. I wear corrective lenses and one eye qualifies as legally blind - even with the corrective lenses. I try SO hard to keep up and work hard and practice sports, but frankly I'm a klutz. Always have been. I think he forgets that every one of the people he worked with had to be physically fit and co-ordinated enough to pass the entry test.

Over the weekend we were doing a sporting activity together and I was really struggling and he turned to me and said "I've never seen someone spend so much time doing something and not get any better at it." I cracked. I basically threw a toddler temper tantrum and went home and left him to it. When he got home he couldn't understand why I was upset with him.

He seems to think chipping me for not trying hard enough will motivate me to do better. Honestly it just makes me feel like quitting altogether. Sigh!

 

[Laurie McLaughlin]

Hi there -

Speaking just from my side, and I am not an expert, I do not think what you describe is specifically tied to PTSD.

Again from my side, he does sound like he might have a hard time understanding what you are going through.

I do know that when I have people who are like that in my life, I have to work at increasing my own courage to make sure I am able to talk to the person in my life who is not seeing me for who I am and make sure that I have an honest discussion with them so that they can see the truth they currently don't see about me - even though doing this can be scary because people don't like to admit they don't know or understand something.

Hope it all works out for you

Namaste - Laurie

 

[arfie]

I call this, "Trophy Conditioning." The trophy is all that matters and you "suck it up, shake it off" or whatever, all for the love of the trophy. In my husband's case, he picked his up from athletic training. Military training is a kissing cousin to athletic training. It can be brutal and insensitive.

Stand your ground, Sighs. Hope you can forgive him the blind spot.

 

[Glara]

This isn't military or ptsd. It's just competitive. I've known plenty of people like that.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Am I the only one who sees the irony in this? Flip that shit around on him and tell him he needs to practice harder so his ptsd will go away. Tell him you're giving him one month so he better practice, practice, practice or you're leaving him!

Do you think he'd understand then?

 

[Eagle3]

I know how you feel. My MA instructor is like this, to the point of being verbally abusive sometimes. I finally got mad at him one day at just flat-out told him how much physical pain he was causing me with every critical comment when I was trying as hard as I could to do it right. I said that if I didn't get any positive feedback soon, he was going to see me just give up one day. It actually surprised him, and he's made a real effort to change his ways.

Try to find a way to express your deepest feeling in a way he can understand without being too critical yourself. I had to take some time to calm down before I discussed the situation, but it is possible to see change if things are discussed clearly and without accusations. Good luck!

 

[Sweetpea76]

It's probably a lot his personality, but I think the military exacerbates that attitude, especially if he was in any kind of position of authority... Ah, the expectation of perfection. "If you can't get the small things right, then how can I trust you to do the important things."

 

[Sighs]

He was a very senior NCO for many many years.

I guess its like anything - certain professions attract certain personalities and then over the years make them more so. (If that makes any sense.)