Missing: Memories?

[Thornyrose]

...too much empty space. I avoid situations and conversations that make me feel like a freak. It makes me so sad sometimes.

This makes me feel sad to hear from another human being.

I wish you didn't feel that way, but thank you for sharing that you do - it helps because I feel the same way too.

x

 

[HollyH]

Memory loss is incredibly common with PTSD. Many sufferers will experience some difficulty remembering details the trauma itself (this is natural and the body's way of helping you move on), some others might have extrememly vivid snapshot memories, and others still, a bit of both. It is also quite common to experience memory difficulties for personal, un-trauma related things. [FONT='Calibri','sans-serif']These memories, however, are reportedly not completely eliminated but hide beneath symptomatic states, and can be recovered and aided through hypnotherapy (for more info on this there's an interesting paper - albeit historically based on soldiers but it explains some dissociation symptoms (can be accessed online: Van der Hart, O., Brown, P., and Graafland, M. (1999). Trauma-Induced Dissociative Amnesia in World War I Combat Soldiers.

I personally am a bit wary of hypnotherapy as a treatment for PTSD but when done by the right person it can be incredibly useful in conjunction with CBT with those who find it hard to remember details of their past which might be necessary to help progress.

Thornyrose, dissociation is a coping mechanism adopted by some people to mentally avoid highly emotional or painful situations. Children who experience regular abuse for example are particularly good at dissociating - ie taking themselves away to an imaginary place while things are happening so they do not feel the pain. After a while however, such behaviour can become involuntary and people can dissociate at the smallest sign of danger and it can start to interfere with their everyday life. Amnesia, depersonalisation, derealisation, identity confusion and identity alteration can all be types of dissociation when relating to trauma. Avoidance is a signficant symptom in PTSD and dissociation can be linked with this. CBT is reportedly very effective in helping an inidividual overcome these problems if necessary.

Hope this is of some help x

 

[No-Twitch-Tabitha]

I've had that happen...whole stretches of my childhood seem to be missing at times. I have some days where I can recall events and others where I struggle. I know it's because I dissociated a lot. I still do it.

 

[baileysemt]

Unlike many here, I had a really happy childhood. My trauma dates to the last 3 years (I am 36 y.o.) and it has nothing to do with my childhood.

Yet I am missing whole chunks of my life ... years ... I am missing 95% of what I learned in college, and it's so far gone that when I have gone to re-learn some of the things I lost, I don't even recognize it. It's as if I have never seen it before. So I don't know where it's buried, but not even direct review and re-learning is hitting anywhere close... :\

I remember more things from when I was younger, than recently. There are whole stretches of the last 3 years that are GONE. Whole conversations I've been told I had, and I would swear to you up & down it never happened.

The majority of my missing stuff, it's so far gone I can't even dredge it up with reminders, pictures, or active re-learning. It's completely and totally gone.

I understand what dissociating is, and I identify when I am/am not dissociating (and when I have in the past), but I've never been able to tie dissociating to my missing pre-trauma memories. This is just flat-out "memory loss," in my experience. Post-trauma, yeah, there's been dissociation. But I think there is also another process going on here (stress hormones?) that is messing up the wiring or chemistry physically. It's not all just escape behavior.

Bailey

 

[Acer]

Much of my childhood is lost and much of my trauma is from my childhood. I do remember a handful of tv shows since that is how I spent most of my time but I can't recall one book I read though I know I spent a LOT of time at the library to get away from home. I have no childhood songs, nursery rhymes, toys, or regular memories (very few). Most every memory I have is a painful one, though I have intermittent spots of memory, like the color of my bedspread, where my window was located, etc and some old family photos help jump start or even create the other memories. Also, I remember remembering more of the traumas when I was in my 20's and teens but they have slowly faded as well. I am told this is a good thing.

 

[Grama-Herc]

Some time ago I expressed my concern for the same issues. I have NO memories. Anything I manage to recall is only due to mother telling me a story about something I did or said or whatever. My missing memories are huge. My wedding day, childbirth, all of my teenage years, high school. Take your pick. I have no recall of anything untill I am about 23/24 years old.

I am amazed to see the number of members with this same problem. While it helps to know that I am not the only person dealing with this, it is still unnerving. I always wonder just exactly what monster is back there in the past to cause such a void in my memory---hell my life.

I feel cheated. When others are speaking of their childhood, I am left out. Did I like school? Was I good at school? Who were my friends? Hell---did I even have any friends? OOPS! Sorry, got on my soap box again when all I meant to do was put my 2 cents worth into the mix.

 

[MaybeOneDay]

forgotten memories

I would like to add that I can't remember over 10 years of my childhood and as I begin to deal with the flashbacks, the time keeps adding. So sad to say I am realizing I don't remember much and have met many others with similar stories

 

[healing007]

I have no memory before kindergarten. Then, between kindergarten and 6th grade is really fuzzy. Most of my memories are based on home videos I watched awhile ago, and pictures. Sometimes I wonder if I make up stories after I've seen pictures... reality gets confusing for me.

I used to really struggle with accepting the lack of memories. Over time it's been easier to deal with.

Take care.