Relationship More Of A Game Than Ptsd

[Glara]

So I've come to the conclusion that it's more of a game than PTSD, which everyone's been saying all along. Here's why:
We aren't friends in FB anymore but I know he can still see my cover page, &profile pic. On Sat morning I changed my cover pic to a pic with a saying about forgetting the past I order to move into the future. I know he saw it. I know because he texted me today and said his usual he's still alive. I answered by saying it's been a year and he's still alive, he must be doing better. He answered that it comes and goes and how are you. I answered the same. And walked away from my phone for an hour. When I came back he had asked when I'd be down again, he'd love to see me. Hasn't said that since May. I said I was just there (I wasn't where he lives but close) he asked why I did t tell him. Seriously???? I didn't answer that way. He knows damn well why. I just answered that I wasn't there long and I was there for a specific reason.

The reason I say it's a game is because A- he's saying these things because he sees I'm moving on and B- he knows he hasn't contacted me, and in fact he's ignored me, why would I tell him I was there.

Yes, I know I just played a game now too. I just wanted to see what he'd say. I wasn't expecting him to say he wanted to see me. I don't know what I was expecting, but it wasn't that. Anyway, I'm not sure what to do now. I've cried pretty much every day since March.I don't know how I feel about this.

 

[twinkle30]

Why don't you just block him from your fb and block his calls?

 

[shimmerz]

You are giving this guy WAY too many neuron firings.

 

[Wastinglight]

Why don't you just block him from your fb and block his calls?

I second that. I can sum this guy's behaviour up in two words: Emotionally Unavailable. He won't give you the relationship you want, but he won't completely let go of you either. Who gives a shit whether it's PTSD or not? We are all still responsible for our actions.

Why keep torturing yourself like this? Let go of him and focus on yourself, and your own self-development. Only then will you be free to fully embrace your life as a single woman, and be open and available for someone new, who treats you with love, care, trust and respect. Not like this joker.

 

[Glara]

No, I can't block him. I just can't.

I'm moving on with my life here. I'm not planning to move there like I had been.
When we were young it was good because it was casual. Sometimes we each had feelings but most of the time it was casual and easy. We should have kept it like that.

I have no immediate plans to see him. Right now I don't want to see anyone. I'm trying to take care of myself. Just started on new meds. I don't want to deal with anyone's problems. I just went through my own deep depression and had no one to talk to, literally. This was the only place I could come. I can't handle anything at this point. I just want to focus on getting my townhouse and getting healthy.

This place has been really good for me. I needed to get away from here for a while but I still lurked a little. I dont know what I would have done if I couldn't have come here. It's been great to have people going through similar things to talk to.

 

[Wastinglight]

No, I can't block him. I just can't.

Yes, you can. I totally understand that it's a hard thing to do though, cos it feels like such a final act - to block someone. I blocked my ex pretty early on, to protect myself from further pain, cos he changed his Facebook status to Single before I'd even moved out of the house - what a class act that guy is, truly! No respect for me at all. But when I went to block him, I had a moment of panic - actual panic - because it felt like I was closing the door on everything we'd had together. I texted a friend and said "I don't think I can do this." She wrote back: "Yeah, you can. Be brave." So I did. And I haven't regretted it, not for a second.

If you don't want to block him, that's up to you of course. But at least acknowledge that it's a deliberate choice you're making.

 

[nursenurse]

Agree with Wasting Light. Just because you block him and bid him adios does not mean that the relationship was a waste or not real. It a a learning experience, hard and cold at times. However, you have the power to take over your life, and blocking him would be a start. Especially if you are starting to play into his games. It has to end. You know that you can block him and unblock him if you want. Block him for a set period, two days, a week. If you truly cannot live with him blocked, unblock him, you cannot reblock him then for two days. Rinse and repeat until it lasts. Social media is sometimes our worst enemy. It always seems like the carrot is dangling. It is your choice to play into his games or not. And social media around him is unhealthy for you, I think. Just an opinion, no one should be crying for six months over something that never lived up to what it seemed.

 

[Amanda_j]

@Glara I understand the position you are in, I struggled HUGELY with this myself. In the end the decision was taken from me. He blocked me, and disappeared. He was a coward and he had no respect for me in the end. But he has saved me from further pain, he did something I was too afraid to do, and as devastating as it is now, I know that there was no other way for me to move on.

 

[Wastinglight]

Just an opinion, no one should be crying for six months over something that never lived up to what it seemed.

Yes, this concerns me too. No-one is saying that a breakup is easy - you can't just turn off your feelings for that person - it takes a while, a good long while.

I like to think of a breakup as a bonfire. At first, it burns big and bright, with all the pain and suffering you feel as your hopes and dreams for your future with that person go up in flames. It will burn for a time, while you process the loss, and grieve for it - remember that the loss of a relationship IS something you have to grieve, and you will typically go through the 5 stages of grief as you come to terms with it (and not in order necessarily). But then, after a while, the bonfire will start to burn down naturally, and eventually it will go out.... unless you keep throwing fuel on it! This is why some of us are advocating that you should block him - it will be so much easier on you if you do. Like @nursenurse said - you can change your mind down the track if you want/need.

But, it will only stick when you decide to change your mindset. Yes, it hurts for a long time, when someone does this to you. But do check in with yourself and make certain that you are not holding onto the pain any longer than you have to. It will slow down the healing process if you are.

 

[Sweetpea76]

At least block him on Facebook.... You don't have to block his number yet if you feel like you just can't. But seriously, if he is creeping your Facebook page and only messaging you to keep you dangling when he sees you're moving on, then block his ass. See how much he messages you when he isn't reminded your life doesn't revolve around him.

 

[Glara]

So everything has changed since last week. He's texting everyday, multiple times, almost like he used to. He has been repeatedly apologizing for what happened and for the fact that he's " a basket case".

He asked when I'd be in town again and I told him I had just been there ( I wasn't actually there, but was in his state). He was upset that I didnt get in touch. I told him I would have but he's been shutting me out.

I'm not sure that he's fully back, because sometimes it's seems like his texts are forced, or an effort to send. Like I explained before. We're no longer friends on Facebook but I think he looks at my profile, which is set to private, but he can see my cover pics. He initiated all this after I put up one about forgetting the past and moving on. It seems like something snapped in his head and he realized how long he's been shutting me out.

I know it'll never be what I thought in the beginning. There's no future in this. Why am I " wasting my time"? I'm not. I'm making all my plans for my future without him. Plans with my daughter and our condo, and vacations etc. I will see him when I'm in town, but I won't go to see him. And when I'm ready I'll date other people.

 

[anonymous]

No, I can't block him. I just can't.

You can block him, but you don't, and you know what, that's ok. I dont think it's a good idea, and I hate to see you get your heart broken by him so much. People have suggested blocking him for a long time, but you don't. You are making an informed choice to not block him, and I respect it.

It might be worthwhile to instead look at why you don't block him, why you stay in contact, and what benefit it brings you... and find other ways, healthy ways, to have that same benefit. I used to keep in contact with someone who would say hurtful things to me at times. I still haven't fully 100% blocked them. Now and then, they say and do something really hurtful. I struggle all over again. It all started to shift when I began to look at what benefit it brought me to keep them in my life. I know this sounds strange, but yeah, there is a benefit to almost every behavior out there, even if the behavior as a whole is not healthy or helpful. If there was no benefit, we would not do the behavior at all. Now, when they say something mean, it doesn't phase me so much. I am close to letting them fully go too.

It's all totally your choice.

I just went through my own deep depression and had no one to talk to, literally. This was the only place I could come. I can't handle anything at this point. I just want to focus on getting my townhouse and getting healthy.

I'm so glad that the depression is lifting. May be it was playing a big role in how this all feels for you - it's all real. When I have been depressed, hurtful things people do tend to sink me really low.

This place has been really good for me. I needed to get away from here for a while but I still lurked a little. I don't know what I would have done if I couldn't have come here. It's been great to have people going through similar things to talk to.

You have been great to have around here.

Maybe one of the very small benefits of being in contact with him lets you give yourself permission to connect with this forum. I want you to know that even if you blocked him, you are still welcome to come here and process all of this. Same for if you do keep him in your life too. If it helps you to come here.