My Abuser Continues To Haunt Me In My Sleep

[Melody coates]

So usually my nightmares are not about specific events of trauma but last night's was. at least part of it was.My abuser came after me with a broom (which actually happened in real life). The rest never really happened . She put a big rock in a glass jar and tried to throw it at me. i guess she missed her aim or never threw it cuz i was never harmed in the dream. But i did run across the street to a neighbor's house to get help. my neighbor wasn't home but i saw a woman taking a jog so i stopped to talk to her.

I am currently out of this situation but it seems like my abuser will always have some sort of hold over me. What most people don't understand is that it's difficult to let your past go especially if you relive it in your head. Any type of trauma is hard to get over. Whether it results in PTSD or not

 

[KwanYingirl]

Oh, yes, reliving it in your mind. Over and over. My nightmares used to freak me out but now I just notice, shrug it off and get on with the day.

 

[arfie]

I wonder if the insertion of a real world detail means you are getting past the subconscious repression. Just wondering.

I have quit expecting my "bad" memories to act differently than my "good" memories. I don't believe the memory process is greatly influenced by the judicial centers of my brain. A memory is just a memory. Like my computer's hard drive, inspirational literature and pornography are recorded in pretty much the same fashion. Alas, my organic hard drive doesn't reformat as easily as a mechanical drive... Even on a computer hard drive, a simple "delete" doesn't really delete all of it. Traces of it are still there.

Since I quit trying to surgically remove the "bad" memories from my mind, I find they don't have any more hold over me than the bad movie I wasted $8.00 on last night. The memory is still there, but I don't need to stand in line to buy another ticket.

Don't know if I am making sense, Melody, but... Gentle validation while you find your own sense. Hope the nightmares let up soon. For sure, they are no fun.

 

[The Albatross]

I think I would give more credence to:

So usually my nightmares are not about specific events of trauma

It is after all more beneficial and realistic than:

my abuser will always have some sort of hold over me.