My Best Friend Has Ptsd Too, Does Anyone Have Experience With This?

[Changing4Best]

My best friend has PTSD too, does anyone else have experience with this? Also, she lives 12 miles from me, so we can really only see one another once a month or so, as we are both poor and the bus ride between us is $10 American.

Our traumas are similar and we have much in common, and we love to do the same things. Yet at times, we get to discussing our traumas, and I wonder if this is wise. Yes, we, here, discuss our traumas too, as well as therapy, and all kinds of things related to PTSD.

Recently I had to give up my PTSD Service dog for adoption, as the little dear needed surgery and I could not afford it. She still has her dogs, and talks about them often, which kind of hurts. She also posts things on social media about dogs that need to be rescued and I would so like to adopt one, but I know I cannot afford the vet bills, and so it breaks my heart to see these things (with photos and all). I asked her a few times not to post so many of them, but she still does. I asked her if she could make a list of folks without my name on it and send them to those folks, but she has not done this. So finally today I decided not to be selfish and reposted one of them to my page. I guess I am far enough along now to not be so heartbreakingly affected by them anymore. None the less, I teared up as I wrote this last part, so I still miss my Babygirl a lot and I always will I guess.

Life is tough sometimes. A best friend is really a good thing, but I guess we need to take the bad with the good, as is true of all things in life.

This got long, gee! I thought it would be a simple question. It isn't.

 

[Momofthree]

My best friend has PTSD too and so does her husband. We knew each other before we were both diagnosed (back in college) but lost touch after college. Two years ago when I left my abusive husband we re-connected and I moved close to her. She and her husband are a huge part of my support network not only for PTSD but also as a single mother with three children and a toxic family that can't help me. We see each other a couple times a week. When we are triggered and shutting down we are each others call. Not long ago she had a miscarriage after a long time of trying to get pregnant, a mutual friend of ours was pregnant and due at the same time she would have been. This was horribly hard on her but it was something she had to work through, she couldn't ask that friend not to post updates on how the pregnancy was going or beg her not to post pictures of the baby after it was born or ask her never to talk about her daughter when they talked could she? I don't know exactly what your question was but yes my best friend also has PTSD and yes we discuss our traumas, and yes we get into arias where we have to take the good with the bad and love each other's differences. I am sorry you felt like your friend was disrespecting your boundaries but honestly what did you expect her to do? She was posting them on her wall, not yours. Next time maybe you would set it up to block all posts like that until you are ready to see them again. I am very sorry to hear about your lost dog :(

 

[Changing4Best]

Thanks for the reply. I do know there is much more good in our relationship than bad, so I will not let myself get upset with her. I will share my sorrow but not any objections to what she posts. Thanks for your advice.

 

[arfie]

I find huge differences between friends and members of my support network. I meet the friends I make in my peer support groups under pre-established agreements that we are working on psychological issues, complete with "Rules of the Road" to help make that possible. With the friends I meet outside those groups, we are often working from scratch on building boundaries. Other times we are starting with unhealthy boundaries and having to unlearn bad habits before we can even begin on building healthy habits.

The "best friend" I have made the most progress with on this score is the only one of my five sisters I have routine contact with. We trigger one another routinely and have had disastrous results from forcing issues. Our progress has been built on learning to recognize when we are butting heads and to take some space from one another. Once we have each settled our own pieces of the puzzle, we get together and discuss what happened. We do not set timetables on the discussion. It happens when it happens. The agreement to not force issues allows us to interact between the incidents and the resolving discussions.

Just sharing personal efforts. Gentle support while you work through your own, Commited Christian.

 

[Changing4Best]

I guess that is one thing I have trouble doing, is to discuss a problem we had in the past. There have been times when I have had to foot the bill for our friendship, due to her not have a job or any other form of income. For instance, yesterday I paid for her bus fare, our meal, something she needed that she could not afford with what little money she had, etc. However, in the past, she has given me money, like $25 out of $50 her parents had given to her to come and visit me and eat out with me.

Because of the bus schedules, we have an hour longer to visit if we do so at my place, so I have made it clear that I think we should visit here and not there. (Another reason for this is that her place has cockroaches and mine does not). I don't want her to be hurt by this, so I have not mentioned it. None the less, it is a huge issue for me!

I really don't feel it would be wise to tell her these things. What is that old saying, "discretion is the better part of valor" or something? I think there are things that are left better unsaid. In fact I wish I had never said anything about her putting dog rescue things up on FB. I know it is an important cause to her, she is very focused upon it daily. When we are together, she talks about it a lot too. It is just when I see photos that I get all choked up. Talking about it is not too bad. I just will have to "suck it up" and grin and bear it. I know this now.

 

[Spiderallis]

My couple closest friends aren't diagnosed, but they do both have traumas in their pasts. I've even asked my best friend if anyone has talked to him about the possibility of him having ptsd before- we're so much alike sometimes I wonder if he's getting the right kind of help. Either way, we've both got someone to call in the middle of the night when the world is crashing down.

@SheilaKathy I'm sorry you and your dog had to part ways. It's hard when a close companionship like that has to end. Maybe in time you'll be able to re-frame the adoptable dogs posts as other people and dogs finding the love you and your dog shared. I guess it's kind of like seeing happy couples after a romantic break-up, that probably stings pretty bad. Sorry I can't be more helpful, but I understand what you mean.

 

[Changing4Best]

@Spiderallis Your answer has helped a lot, thanks. I can relate to the happy couples thing, as I am a widow. It's been since Nov 2005 since he's been gone, and I enjoy seeing happy couples now.

I did share one of her rescue photo groups today on FB, the pups' mother had been run over and the pups would be ready to be adopted in about 6-7 weeks for adoptions. They are being bottle fed now, by someone who has lots of time, as they drink at all times of the day and night. I felt good when I shared it, as if I am being part of the eventual rescue. The pups are adorable too, chewawas (I know I spelled that incorrectly, sorry!).