My diary of random thoughts

AnnieMae

MyPTSD Pro
@AnnieMae, I feel like shit on a daily basis. I literally feel like I've been driven mad by trauma and abuse but I don't play the victim 24/7 because that blame game and victimization gets me no-where. I have to take my responsibility in trying to heal and move forward in life. Otherwise I'd go insane, drive everyone else insane and probably commit suicide.

you've got to stop playing the victim and blaming everyone else all the time about the state your in why you can't do "this" or "that". You also mentioned that there was 'nothing wrong with you before all this happened'. This is a cognitive distortion because if you didn't have issues then all of this wouldn't have affected you the way it has. Were you a perfect well balanced human being? I doubt it.
I was. My career was taking off, I had friends, finances in order, a good house, I was close to my family. It was all balanced. I didn’t need meds to sleep. Things didn’t constantly go wrong.
 

AnnieMae

MyPTSD Pro
I am alone. Alone is depressing. Alone is awful. My life of moving up and being around people and growing is over. I truly see myself for who I am now. The world has basically shown me. I am so tired and depressed now. I am busy. Busy by myself and I don’t like it at all. It’s scary and people are truly mean to me. I just don’t get it.
 

AnnieMae

MyPTSD Pro
It’s all situational. I don’t fit in anywhere and I have no help- which means I am helpless. You had a nervous breakdown- you’re weak. You stick up for yourself- you’re a bitch. You like to read- you’re a nerd. My life will never ever be the same and every one else thinks it’s good- not for me. I suck at people yet I have to deal with the o es I don’t like for the rest of my life, but I can’t have those that I want in my life. I have way too much on my plate. And no one can help me. I was under so much stress from him that I lost my mind now I lost so many opportunities and they aren’t there anymore. Everyone tells me it’s because I’m not looking but it’s true. I’ve looked, applied, been shot down, yet all I can do is…nothing. I just want to be by my sister.
 
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