My diary of random thoughts

AnnieMae

MyPTSD Pro
No one likes me. No one calls me, people ignore my text messages. My family doesn’t even call me. They are all too busy. I have no one. Nothing. I am working on this house, hopefully I can move within a few years. I am cleaning out my stuff. I have no relationships. That is what is killing me. I am sad and super lonely.
 

AnnieMae

MyPTSD Pro
No, you didn't try them. They weren't on your list.

No, it's not. You think that it is, but it's not. The only person beating you up is you. Honestly - you're doing this to yourself, at this point. I've got no idea why, but you're really keeping yourself stuck. I don't know....I feel like I'm in a similar state a lot of the time, so I'm probably no good for advice. But I can tell you, you haven't tried nearly all the options that you could be trying, in terms of getting to a better place. You've barely scratched the surface. So, don't lie to yourself and say you've already done it all, tried everything.

Not even close.

Are you afraid to get better?
If people don’t want to be my friend or have a relationship with me, how is that me being afraid to get better?
 

AnnieMae

MyPTSD Pro
No, you didn't try them. They weren't on your list.

No, it's not. You think that it is, but it's not. The only person beating you up is you. Honestly - you're doing this to yourself, at this point. I've got no idea why, but you're really keeping yourself stuck. I don't know....I feel like I'm in a similar state a lot of the time, so I'm probably no good for advice. But I can tell you, you haven't tried nearly all the options that you could be trying, in terms of getting to a better place. You've barely scratched the surface. So, don't lie to yourself and say you've already done it all, tried everything.

Not even close.

Are you afraid
oh that's a shame. I'm sorry. 😣
Yeah. Wow, can’t believe how much my life has changed and how awful it is to be alone...I don’t even care about anything else anymore. It’s all like going through the motions without even being excited about stuff anymore. So weird....
 

AnnieMae

MyPTSD Pro
This is what it’s like to open up in a “safe” place. To get berated about meds??? I’ve tried all kinds of stuff that didn’t work. No one here is my doctor or knows but likes to assume they do
 

Friday

Moderator
If people don’t want to be my friend or have a relationship with me, how is that me being afraid to get better?
By linking other people’s opinions of you, to whether or not you can get better? With superglue arc welded to nuclear cohesion type bonds.

Not trying to speak for @joeylittle, just agreeing it LEAPS off your page, over and over.

Other people don’t like me, so I can’t do this.
Other people do this, so I can’t do that.

Other people did this, other people think that, other people don’t do this, other won’t stop that, other people lied about me, other people feel about me, how am I supposed to do anything when other people...
 

joeylittle

Administrator
If people don’t want to be my friend or have a relationship with me, how is that me being afraid to get better?
Well, you're doing everything possible to avoid doing the actual work of recovery.

For some reason, you insist on believing that the answer is: "people need to love and accept me, that's what will make me all better"

News flash: that's not how it works. Ever, ever, ever.

Haven't you ever heard that you need to start supporting yourself, accepting yourself first? That's what will make you capable of having relationships.

SO: you're keeping yourself stuck. Why would you be doing that, if not because you're afraid to make changes?

Be alone. Come to terms with being alone. Work on accepting who you are, just you, by yourself. Work on living your life.

Or.....sit and wait for....what? Someone to tell you, you're hot? Someone to tell you they wanna hang out with you all the time?

Can you see how that's problematic?
 

AnnieMae

MyPTSD Pro
Yes, I see it, but I also know how it is when people tell you they will help you and then they leave. I know it’s me. I hate being alone. I hate being thrown all over the place and used by people. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. I hate my life. If you saw all the money I spent on things you would not believe it. You would not believe how devastating this whole thing is to me. I’m tired of putting things off. I have so much to do but I can’t help the anxiety anymore. There was nothing wrong with me before all of this. He told me “you always play the victim” after he stole from me and Everything.
 

joeylittle

Administrator
I hate being thrown all over the place and used by people.
You can work on stopping this. It starts with learning how to counter these type of thoughts and reframe them.
You would not believe how devastating this whole thing is to me.
Oh, I probably would believe it. It's not useful to get stuck on insisting that no-one understands. A lot of people understand. A lot of them are on this website.
There was nothing wrong with me before all of this.
I'd work on changing this thinking too. You're a human being, which means you have things to work on about yourself, always. But more importantly. - this kind of hard-line sense of "before" and "after" is only going to reinforce those false beliefs that you had everything but now, you've lost everything. Those concepts are perceptual, not factual.
 

Survivor3

MyPTSD Pro
@AnnieMae, I feel like shit on a daily basis. I literally feel like I've been driven mad by trauma and abuse but I don't play the victim 24/7 because that blame game and victimization gets me no-where. I have to take my responsibility in trying to heal and move forward in life. Otherwise I'd go insane, drive everyone else insane and probably commit suicide.

you've got to stop playing the victim and blaming everyone else all the time about the state your in why you can't do "this" or "that". You also mentioned that there was 'nothing wrong with you before all this happened'. This is a cognitive distortion because if you didn't have issues then all of this wouldn't have affected you the way it has. Were you a perfect well balanced human being? I doubt it.
 
Top