My Husband Left Me

[Fadeaway]

I think he is in for some trouble with ssi because he took your money.

I want to clarify that he didn't take my SSI money. He drained the bank account, Everything in there at that time was from his paychecks, but it has always been our money, it all goes in the same pot. I can not cash my SSDI check without an ID so he is listed as the payee.
I get paper checks due to a past issue with social security making a big error.

He wants to make things work, but he needed time away, wich I can't really fault him for, but damn, no warning no nothing and... So as of now the plan is he is going to find us a couples therapist, and he'll take me where I need to go like my Dr.s appointment tomorrow, but he needs time to destress. He was actually very kind today and more like his old self, seemed a bit refreshed.

I would say screw it, if I wasn't in a situation where I can't access much of the help I need. No smart phone, no car, no Id, bad health... he has the upper hand here. I feel powerless but at the same time he sort of get where he is coming from too.

 

[Neverthesame]

I won't lie, I think it's unfortunate that you feel you need to put up with him after that.

But, I understand the reasoning. I'd probably do the exact same were I in your shoes. So I am not crapping on you, in other words.

I think therapy would be a good idea, this is not something he should be doing to anyone let alone his wife.

Though I do very much think it would be a good idea to get your basics for survival covered, ID, birth certificate, a stash of money hidden away where he can't access it. Should this ever happen again, you won't find yourself up a creek.

You might also want to write down the advice you got from ragdoll and others, about places you can go for things like internet access. Having that stuff written down where you can see it, can be good for staying calm in the immediate aftermath of something like this.

And don't forget, we're here for you if you need. :hug:

:bored: Oh and tell him to smarten up. :sneaky:

 

[camabelu]

Checking in, feeling drained and sick to my stomach atm. but still alive. I swear every place I called...

Hi Fade.....I just saw your post today and read through the thread. You are behaving with incredible strength and I felt I had to tell you that. It's so easy to just keep beating yourself up for things that aren't your fault. If you want to spend a day in bed then I hope you will allow that for yourself. And take care of that little girl inside you as well as the grown up you.

I know just what you mean about the 'can't family step in to help' comments that abound and make a person feel even worse because it's a reminder (and often spoken like a reprimand) that there IS no family. Hardly your fault. Nothing could be further from the truth and I'd challenge any of those prone to say such things to even try to imagine what it might be like to make your way in the world when circumstances have created a no-family reality.

Keep breathing, never forget that you are loved - by those of us here, by your inner self, by God if that terminology works for you. None of us is truly alone even though it can seem impossible to believe that sometimes. This WILL pass. It's clear you've been through a lot in your life and that means you know something that many don't. You know you will make it. Easy to seem strong and capable when life flows by and problems don't arise. And for some that is the norm. PTSD is more debilitating than even those of us who have it often realize.

I am sending you love and support.

 

[oasis2003]

Take care @Fadeaway I am sorry that he treated you badly. Hope it all sorts itself out :hug::hug:

 

[Sammyiam]

Thinking of you

 

[Kailani]

HI Fadeaway,

So glad you will have some support financially and hopefully things will get better. I have to say though that if he left so abruptly and has been considering leaving seriously, I would use every day to get every situation in order to protect yourself should this happen again. You need the birth certificate thing fixed, a separate savings account/ bank account that he does not have access to or know about, to learn about all of the resources available, get a social support system in place to help you both cope and have some support; neighbors, meet up group ( found online), maybe a PTSD or health...support groups, church, Maybe your therapist can help you with resources should this occur again. maybe he needs his own therapist. Also sometimes people qualify for a smart phone for health reasons at a low cost, something to look in to. Also this might be a good time to apply for all reduced housing available, like section 8 or walking section 8 or if you are over 55years; senior housing. sometimes the waiting lists can be long. If the housing is in your name, he'd have to leave. This may be just an opportunity to buy you some time but I do want it to work out for you. It's just better safe than sorry. I would look at it like having emergency insurance; hopefully you won't need it however it's there if you do. The notebook of calls and resources someone suggested is a great idea along with checking off listed forum suggestions. Best wishes and prayers

 

[Deleted member 28403]

I hope the situation is any better now :hug: I'm here for you

 

[Chris516]

Fadeaway, Was the account, a joint account, or your individual account?

If it was a joint account. Then it can't be proven that he drained the account with malicious intent. But, If it was your personal account that he managed to gain access to. Then you could go after him for theft.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

Fade, I just found this thread. I can't tell you how sad I am for you. That you had to deal with this alone. I know things are still hard for you, I just didn't know how hard. Yet, you always take the time comfort us when we are sad. You give humanity a good name. (((hug)))