Supporter My Introduction, I'm Glad I'm Here With You All

[Catching_him]

I'm sorry Saelben about your relationship. Was it a very long one?
I keep myself in control of my emotions and not sit around waiting on him and wondering, worrying, etc. I tell myself over and over that "He is IN my life, He is NOT my life". I can't afford to lose track of time, and I'm no good to him if I'm depressed.
It's really hard sometimes.
I don't like being "helped" and so i don't try to with him either. I'm pretty Alpha myself.
To try to keep things in perspective for him as well as me I always say we are Real. And don't lose me...there has to be some accountability on his end. I never say it as a threat, just as a goal or a promise.

 

[7Cs]

In person, I just want my hubby to hold me when I'm crying. He doesn't usually say much but when I'm done we usually talk about what happened to bring the "crying jag" on - but we've been married for 12 years. I'm on the depressed side right now and waiting to get in to see my p-doc. I'm withdrawing a lot and spending a lot of time by myself... reading or sometimes on here. Every now and then he'll come out of the blue, give me a gentle kiss and tell me he's sorry that I'm feeling this way and he wishes he could take it away. He'll also tell me that I'll get through this and I always come out to the other side... it won't last forever. It can be nice to hear " I'm here if you want to talk about anything at all" but I don't want to be pushed and I wouldn't want to hear that often. Of course the simple "I love you" is always good but I would feel weird with "even when you don't love yourself." ... "no matter what" would be better for me.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

Well, yea, quite lengthy... I mean, depends on what one is comparing to... In comparation to how long you two have been together, really long. Now, my track of time messes it up a bit, but 3 times or so?

It became toxic, I am a PTSD sufferer, and I had to take the role of a supporter for 3 months, but like, not a normal supporter relationship.. She didn't want to change the situation that was worsening it. So after 3 months of suffering, I broke up with her.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

@7Cs
Yes, hugs, being held, means a lot :)

 

[Catching_him]

I also

Well, yea, quite lengthy... I mean, depends on what one is comparing to... In comparation to how long yo...

I'm sorry. I also have trauma issues from childhood all the way through my adult years. It is hard to be both :(
But I have learned to disassociate from that when I'm in other roles in life. Including supporter.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

It just became so messed up in the end. She was accusing me, taking things the wrong way the whole time and promting me to stop taking my medications.. While I was completely deprived of any support other than this palce for 2 and a half months.

She is not PTSD.. She has some trauma, but not much in comparation to PTSD material. I hate how it ended

 

[Catching_him]

I'm on meds and if I went off I'd be a basket case! I'm glad you didn't give in! She shouldn't have done that.
I'm glad you had here to turn to.
It sounds like you did the right thing. Are you ok with it?

 

[7Cs]

We have to take care of ourselves, we're really quite fragile whether we want to admit it or not. I think it's only fair, if we expect someone else to support us, that we are seeking the appropriate help outside of the relationship. I think it's good that you left a toxic relationship - she needed help and wasn't getting it, wasn't even trying. It is different being in long term relationship, we've been through good and bad. But when things get bad I make sure I get help. If I don't I've told him to make me because if I'm not trying to get better it's because I can't do it myself.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

I know that later it will be better. But it's been 3 days ago, and it still hurts a lot... It's crippling me still.

 

[Catching_him]

Broken hearts will heal, but with a lot pain first.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

Just, uhh, sucks, so much...
It was streched so much, that the relationship stopped existing before the breakup anyway, but now she apparently realizes what she lost and stuff, but I am not giving in... She needs to work on herself, and I lost myself in that.

 

[Catching_him]

Just, uhh, sucks, so much...
It was streched so much, that the relationship stopped existing before the...

I would stay strong...you are so right about her working on her. Maybe not respond for a few days if she is trying to contact you. It would just make it harder, I would think.