My Mom Passed This Morning

[lostforgottensoul]

But good for you for being so prepared and on top of the situation.

Im prepared and on top of it? I feel the exact opposite as others see it. And see me. I feel like its all over the place like air coming out of a balloon.

 

[Recovery4Me]

The point of rebirth or the Phoenix...rises from ashes. You will emerge a new you, with clearer boundaries and more tolerance. Be gentle on yourself for self-compassion needs a voice to heal the pain inside, OK? Squeak out perhaps one thought worthy of praise of how you are in the eye of the storm but still walking the path. :notworthy: ...or not...just my mothering coming out to wrap you up in warmth and self respect...:hug:

 

[lostforgottensoul]

just my mothering coming out to wrap you up in warmth and self respect.

You can mother me all you want!

Squeak out perhaps one thought worthy of praise of how you are in the eye of the storm but still walking the path.

Hmmm...

Well i havent given into any of the ritual/punishment urges. Been using all of the DBT & CBT and everything ive learned (and its taken all of that and then some) and so far have been able to fight it.

Not sure if thats worthy of praise though...

 

[Deleted member 12723]

It is worthy of praise.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

What the f*cking f*ck?

These f*cking ritual urges! Damnit they are pissing me off!

 

[Recovery4Me]

Congrats on your resilience and resolve!

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I dont know about resolve...im playing "hop through phone games" trying to distract which isnt working very well. Usually a very hard puzzle game can distract my mind for a bit but it isnt and starting to piss me off...but then im just pissed off and then everything irritates me.

Also not so sure about resilience. Resilient until i give in eventually?

Ugh!

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Why are they even back? Thats what i want to know!

 

[Recovery4Me]

then everything irritates me

There are 5 stages of grief (some say seven). Anger is one of them. Spend some time focusing on you and forget about everyone else. Rumination will not assist you in finding balance at this time. I know, easier said then done.:hug::hug:

 

[lostforgottensoul]

There are 5 stages of grief (some say seven). Anger is one of them

Anger seems to be my only emotion most of the time.

I guess im too scared im going go cave to these urges. I can almost tell you what my therapist would say. "So what if you do? Are you going to die?" Not that he'd want me to cave or that it is even a good thing, he'd just want me to stop obessing over not caving as that loosens things up a bit and make it easier to fight as the entire thing doesnt have so much "OMG" to it.

So now im going to try to read my therapist's mind a bit. Having no idea if that's what he'd say but its the best mind game ive got to stop rummimating about it....

 

[BlackbirdSinging]

I just saw this thread and wanted to say I'm sorry for your loss. My condolences to you @lostforgottensoul.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Thanks @BlackbirdSinging! I really is rather weird. Like grief meets trauma meets i dont know what. Its all rather weird.

But thank you for your condolences! :hug: