Death My mum died last night

[Tornadic Thoughts]

Sending my sympathies and many heart hugs to you and your family. Take good care of each other.

 

[Deanna]

I'm so sorry about your mum, barefoot. Death is just hard whether it's sudden or a person knows they're dying. It still comes as a shock. We are here for u. I'm glad you posted. As scout said- just keep writing.

 

[Freida]

I'm so very sorry .....:hug:

 

[blackemerald1]

My condolences @barefoot. I send a prayer for you.
:hug:

 

[ILoveLife]

I'm so so sorry @barefoot :hug:

 

[Tinyflame]

I'm so very sorry @barefoot :( :cry: :hug: :hug:

 

[Emotional girl]

So sorry to hear of your loss @barefoot .My thoughts are with you and your family x

 

[barefoot]

Thanks for your kind words and thoughts, everyone. Feel very overwhelmed today. So I’m cleaning the house.

 

[Slushie]

My heart goes out to you and your family @barefoot, so sorry x

 

[shimmerz]

My mother went suddenly too. Much harder on the ones left behind because it isn't like they were suffering and we wanted them released from that.

On the upside of sudden death, it sure is hell is the way I want to go. After watching my dad suffer for years, it gave me a completely different perspective on losing my mother the way I did.

Regardless it is a wash of emotions that are so strong it really is difficult to put words to them - but keep trying.

Deepest regrets for your loss barefoot.

 

[barefoot]

Thanks @shimmerz

Yes, you’re right - it’s so hard to have her just suddenly gone when she seemed so fine! While, at the same time, I think it happened very suddenly so that is something of a blessing for her...and for us in that it hasn’t been a long, painful, drawn out process.

It sounds like such a cliche but it feels so utterly gut wrenching to not have had a chance to speak to her and say goodbye.

I almost phoned her on Friday but then a work thing came into my diary and I thought I’d phone her on Saturday morning instead. And then there was never that chance. And I feel so completely gutted about that.

Dad is in overdrive, getting in touch with people and trying to make plans - even though we haven’t seen the funeral director yet to get an idea of timeframe.

This evening, he’s talked at me about crematoriums and showed me photos of chapels. He’s asked what kind of coffin we should get. And he asked whether we should dress her in some of her clothes or whether we just “let them wrap her in whatever they want to wrap her in”.

He’s not a very emotional man. He is being uncharacteristically upbeat. He’s laughing and joking and being the chattiest and most animated I’ve ever seen him! I’m sure this is his way of coping and that he’s running on adrenaline. But it’s hard that he’s looking like he’s almost on a high about this! I know he isn’t...but it’s hard seeing him like this at such a time.

Dad and sister have both said they don’t think they can speak/do a reading at the funeral. They looked expectedly at me. I “do” public speaking. But I don’t think I can do this. I don’t think I can do it without sobbing. They won’t pressurise me to do it at all - they’ll be fine if I say no. But I’d feel bad if none of us stood up to say something and the celebrant does it all. I want to be able to feel that I can do it and to tell them I’ll do it. I just don’t know that I can.

Dad is still talking excitedly about who might come to the funeral and who else he needs to call. It’s like he’s planning a party. It’s like no one’s died. But my mum has...

My heart is really aching.

 

[scout86]

I don’t think I can do it without sobbing.

Sobbing is actually allowed, under the circumstances. At the funeral of one of my best friends, anyone who wanted to speak was given the chance. (The family made me go first, because they figured "going first" would be a problem.) It worked out to be pretty great. A real diverse group of people who'd known him spoke. Stories were told, there was laughter and tears in abundance. In the end, I'm pretty sure the funeral directory was looking at his watch & pacing because we weren't leaving. What ever you decide to do, it will be ok.