My T Suggested That Gf See Her Too

[Ruinedforever]

I've been seeing my therapist for about 3 months now, and last week she suggested that I bring my gf to session, since I was having difficulty remembering the order of events after my trauma (car wreck; I was hysterical; called my gf immediately after and she rushed to the scene).

I could tell it was hard for gf to tell what happened from her point of view; some things she shared in session I had no idea about. But then my T suggested that she has some referrals for my gf if she ever wanted to talk to someone, or that gf could start seeing *her*.
(Then my T asked me if I was comfortable with that, and I said yes. I felt like I was put on the spot).

Of course, gf won't need to be seeing her for as long as I will, and I do understand that my trauma has affected her as well. I'm just torn.

Would it be weird if we were to see the same therapist separately? I think gf feels guilty about coming to session with me Monday bc it was "my" time, and it was really hard for me to hear some of the things she shared, because I scheduled another session (yesterday) just to get all "my" shit out.

I really want to be supportive of my gf, since she's been my biggest support since my trauma. And I do want her to get help she needs. She just doesn't want to see another therapist because then she would have to tell the whole story again, when my therapist already knows what happened.

Thoughts? Opinions?

 

[Silver.]

Well, if I missed this, forgive me, but how do YOU feel about her seeing your therapist (on her own time)?

 

[Ruinedforever]

Well, if I missed this, forgive me, but how do YOU feel about her seeing your therapist (on her own tim...

I'm not sure. I do want her to get the help that she needs though. It feels like she's "my" therapist and my gf needs to get her own, but I know that's just me being selfish.

And I'm finally starting to trust my therapist and my gf said she doesn't want to do anything that would compromise our relationship (both me and gf, and my relationship with T)

 

[Silver.]

For me, I wouldn't want to share my therapist (which I will use T for the sake of typing). Even though what I tell my T is confidential, I would feel like when my s/o was seeing the T, words I have told the T would be running through her head while she is listening to s/o. Then I would wonder, when T is talking to s/o, is it coming directly from T, or are my words and feelings coming out of T as well? Is she changing what she would normally say, because she knows things about me?
Is it crazy kind of thinking that a T would do this? Maybe lol. But that is just me.

If my T wanted to meet the two of us at once, like you did, that would be okay, for a visit, to help gain perspective. But for me, having a T is a pretty private thing. You have established a relationship with her over the past 3 months, so in a way, you have a right to tell your g/f that you just don't feel comfortable sharing the T.
But of course, this is up to you. I hope you can get it sorted.

 

[ShodokanJenn]

My T won't see two members of the same family (or two people in a relationship) separately unless it's part of couple's therapy. For individual counseling, he will only see one person. He says that it would interfere with appropriate client-therapist bonding and trust if he were to see more than one person from the same family/relationship. I know I wouldn't be comfortable with my husband seeing him individually for long-term treatment. I'd be fine with a session or two, but not more than that. I think you know how you feel about this - now the question is, will you speak up and let your therapist and girlfriend know you're not comfortable with it?

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

To me, this screams conflict of interest. I wouldn't let it happen, not in a heartbeat.

 

[EveHarrington]

It's not selfish in the least to want your own therapist.

It avoids conflicts of interest.

Let's say you have a bad PTSD "episode" and while you don't mean to do anything wrong, you scare your girlfriend. She goes into therapy and tearfully tells the therapist how terrified of you she is. The therapist hears your girlfriends version, filled with fear. The therapist later heard your version which in all likelihood will give a different slant. How in the world can the therapist remain 100% impartial and supportive of both of you? In short, she can't. (She's human, we're all human.) she may start to take sides. You may end up with compromised treatment as a result. If the conflict becomes too great, you could both be terminated and both have to start again with new therapists. In short-----the risks are too great. You each should have your own therapist. IMHO.

Also------you will each likely be talking about the other person. What if something you say in private accidentally slips out in your girlfriends session? (Or vice versa.). Not good.

Wanting things for yourself isn't selfish. It's called healthy separation. Enmeshment and triangulation should be avoided in these types of cases.