My T Wants Me To Call In Between Sessions

[kagamine]

I don't know how to take that. She's said more than once if I need support throughout the week to call during office hours, even making more of a point of it the last couple of sessions, saying she hopes I can get to a point where I can reach out.

It's not like I don't have multiple times during the week when I probably need to talk to somebody supportive to avoid using bad coping strategies or even just because I'm really out of it, but there's a part of my brain that goes "no, you're just bothering her and you need to just deal with this alone" I mostly get really panicked at the idea of it. I don't know if that's just a normal response or not. I'll be the first to admit I have some messed up boundaries, I tend to keep people at a distance but I also don't recognize where they should even be most of the time.

I don't know if anyone else experiences anything like this

 

[joeylittle]

Oh, I could have written your post. Yes. Absolutely. My therapist strongly encourages me to call in-between sessions if I'm in or verging on crisis. He actually considers it to be very useful to catch some of my intrusive memories or dissociative episodes right as they are happening. Nightmares as well.

He reminds me that the work we do together is a collaboration, and he appreciates it when I let him in to vulnerable moments like those; and what is true is that it really helps.

I still have to fight the urge to apologize every time I call. And I periodically ask if he's overloaded with me. He always says no, and he hopes I continue to call.

My best advice is to just give it a shot. Think of it as instructions, of homework, maybe? (Mine also will sometimes give me guidelines, like if I'm still in distress after 10 minutes of dealing with it myself, I should call. The guidelines help me too)

 

[Underdog]

Yup!!! I started reaching out to people and even called my therapist a few weeks back when I was freaking out and losing all feeling and going numb in all over my body. My therapist said she has been actually surprised that I am reaching out to people at all given how I always soldier on not looking for support. She also said she was surprised I even called her at all but continues to encourage me to call whenever I feel I need to. I have the same issues as you, I don't want to bother her or anyone. What happened affected all around me, but I continually feel like I'm intruding on others if I tell them what is happening to me.

 

[kagamine]

@joeylittle I can try that, having some guidelines might help. I still don't even open up until I've been in session for about 15 mins, I try to act like I'm okay even when I'm really obviously not, but I do trust my therapist a lot more than ones I've had in the past so I'm willing to try

@Underdog I feel like that too, I don't want to put my stuff on other people's plate, it's bad enough I went through the things I did and I'm messed up like I am, I hate making people feel bad when I tell them what's going on.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I still don't even open up until I've been in session for about 15 mins

I know that feeling. Sometimes when I call my therapist (or have my husband dial the phone and then give it to me after she answers), I just sit in silence (maybe some crying on my part, but maybe just shaking with fear) while she slowly supports me and coaxes me into talking. Sometimes our calls are long because of that, but they have always been helpful. I have only called when I cannot seem to find a way to help myself out of crisis mode. My therapist will not answer the phone if she is busy and I have to remember that so I don't jump to the conclusion that she doesn't like me or want to deal with me.

 

[Justmehere]

I have a very hard time reaching out for help from anyone. I have had more than one therapist say things like "you almost pathologically too independent." I had surgery about a year ago, and I refused to ask for a ride to surgery (I did have a ride home) and I refused to be pushed in a wheelchair after the surgery. I'm pretty scared of asking for help.

Reaching out to my therapist between sessions was a downright terrifying idea. At the first session, she went through her policies on in-between session contact. I dismissed them, confidently saying "I will not have any phone calls between sessions. Period."

My therapist explained once that reaching out to her when in distress helped make her job easier. Really.

I looked at her like she was crazy when she said this, and she further explained that it helped her trust that if I was in need of help I would reach out for it and thus she was more willing to push me in therapy. She also said it opened the door for more corrective emotional experiences. It gave me a chance to experience needing help and someone really being there for me.

She also said, "if you keep doing what you have always done, you are going to keep getting the same results."

I did finally start reaching out to her, and it was really hard. I still get scared I am crossing some unspoken boundary by reaching out. My therapist and I talk about that fear of crossing that boundary and that conversation in and of itself has been very helpful. I do reach out anyhow, and it is helping me un-do the effect of the trauma that made me so scared of crossing unspoken boundaries. My brain intellectually knows that maybe there are people in the world that won't hurt me like the past abusers, but it doesn't do much good to just intellectually know that. I'm beginning to really experience someone else as being safe to ask for help from. One time I reached out to her when I was distraught beyond words. It ended up being the best therapeutic interaction I have ever had.

I had a big fear it would make me overly dependent on her if I did reach out. I still grapple with this at times. My need to reach out to her has become less over time, so I guess it's ok. I'm also better at asking for help from others. I still don't like it. I too struggle with boundaries. I get concerned she will invade somehow, in a moment of being vulnerable, without my realizing it. Because of this, I still don't tell my therapist the worst stuff or reach out in the worst moments yet.

It's still hard for me to tolerate the feeling of needing or wanting anything in a time of distress...

 

[HealingHeart]

It is part of some trauma treatment therapies actually like DBT.

One thing I use is a safety / crisis plan that has about six things before calling a therapist.. That way I can build up some skills but know that I can always call my counselor.. At the beginning he used to even ask me to call him to let him know I was doing okay to avoid having to be in a crisis to connect to others (I tend to withdraw when stressed)

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I never had a therapist offer this useful help to me ever. I used to feel like if I needed anything I was imposing on someone and had a very hard time believing I was not imposing.

Now I ask if the person has time to talk and if they do I talk and ask or if they do not I will either call them back later or they will return my call. Now this is huge progress for me.

I also used to apologize for everything and it was never my fault it was an obsessive thing to indulge myself in until I learned not to do this anymore.

If a therapist offered this to me I would take it.

 

[scout86]

Mine wants me to email (he knows I have a "thing" about phone calls). If he doesn't hear from me between sessions, he mentions it. When I left last week, he knew I was going to have a challenging weekend. He said, "Well, you have my number." and smiled. I may have glared at him, just a little & said, "Yeah, why? Do you think I'll need it?" He laughed and said, "Then email!"

I guess there MUST be a lot of people who feel this way. I'm glad you brought it up!

 

[rainbow1]

I email my T sometimes in between sessions when I really need support or feel really low. He has said it is fine to do this but if I have emailed him the first thing I say when I speak to him is 'sorry for the email' but every time he says I have nothing to apologise for and he is pleased I told him how I was feeling. It feels like crossing a boundary to me though and I struggle a lot with it. I struggle to believe he isn't angry with me for disturbing him.