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Sufferer my trauma is making me miserable

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Feli

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hi. call me feli. i'm 20 years old. high school graduate, unemployed. up until about 11-12 years of age, i've been physically and verbally abused by my father who suffered from bipolar disorder and schizophrenia. as a result, i have been diagnosed with ptsd since about 8th grade. i'm on sertraline, and i've come to realize that it is truly not helping. i have close friends online, but recently i've been having so many outbursts and being so hypervigilant in everyday interactions between us, trying to nip every problem in the bud as soon as it crops up, that it's becoming a burden to them and myself. i try and address "problems" that no one else notices or cares about, often times bluntly and aggressively as by the time i perceive the "problem" my stress is already rising. it gets so bad that i can feel my hands shaking as i type, and my heart racing.
I'm also avoiding seeking employment, not out of laziness, i WANT to get a job and earn money and move out on my own, but i just... can't ever make myself do what needs to be done. I don't really know what i want out of posting this here.. just.. some help, some clarity, some advice, anything... i'm just so sick of living like this but i'm so scared i'll never get better
 
Welcome to the forum. Are you in a safe place? And do you have a trauma therapist right now?

Glad you found us!
 
yeah, i'm at home, and i have a therapist but not necessarily a trauma therapist
i should clarify that i no longer live with my parents, i live with my grandmother who is now my legal guardian, and my father is for all intents and purposes not a part of the family anymore
 
hello feli. welcome to the forum. sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here.

in my own 50 year relationship with ptsd, getting my current symptoms into words and sharing those words within my therapy network is always my first step in managing those symptoms. you have an excellent start on that with this post. i hope you'll feel safe and blessed to keep on going. listening. . .

welcome aboard. i hope you find healing companionship here.
 
i'm on sertraline, and i've come to realize that it is truly not helping.
If sertraline isn't effective as far as antidepressants go I'd try Paxil (the only other antidepressant really rated for PTSD) or Wellbutrin (anecdotally, SNRIs affect dopamine which has more of an impact on PTSD symptoms than serotonin).

You'd probably get more efficacy from a GABA analogue like gabapentin/pregabalin or dissociative anaesthetic like ketamine (via clinic, the street stuff is not really designed for prolonged treatment) or very low-dose DXM (90mg or under).

NDMA receptor modulation for hyperarousal in PTSD is far more effective than SSRI. We are beginning to understand that SSRIs in general and the serotonin theory of depression do not always provide beneficial treatment & are not based on sound science but rather studies pushed by pharmaceutical companies for-profit.

As always consult a physician/pharmacist if you have questions (I am not a dr, just sharing what worked for me), and make sure to do the research yourself beforehand.
 
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Welcome to the forum!!

You mentioned you're 20 years old and your grandmother is your legal guardian. Is there are physical or mental health issues or disabilities you're having to coexist with on top of everything?

I have depression as a key feature of my ptsd as well. I've tried a whole range of SSRIs, SNRIs, Tricyclics, Monos, atypical antidepressants and atypical antipsychotics. I've also tried ECT. It's a very complex area, and if you feel you're not making a lot of headway with your sertraline, you should speak to the prescriber about trying a different type of anti-depressant.

Sometimes with work, and just trying to make things happen, using a diffuser range of services might be helpful. Sometimes social workers are worth their weight in gold (sometimes not!), and they're often available through not-for-profits.

Anyway, just a couple of ideas. Hope you find this place helpful:)
 
hi. call me feli. i'm 20 years old. high school graduate, unemployed. up until about 11-12 years of age, i've been physically and verbally abused by my father who suffered from bipolar disorder and schizophrenia. as a result, i have been diagnosed with ptsd since about 8th grade. i'm on sertraline, and i've come to realize that it is truly not helping. i have close friends online, but recently i've been having so many outbursts and being so hypervigilant in everyday interactions between us, trying to nip every problem in the bud as soon as it crops up, that it's becoming a burden to them and myself. i try and address "problems" that no one else notices or cares about, often times bluntly and aggressively as by the time i perceive the "problem" my stress is already rising. it gets so bad that i can feel my hands shaking as i type, and my heart racing.
I'm also avoiding seeking employment, not out of laziness, i WANT to get a job and earn money and move out on my own, but i just... can't ever make myself do what needs to be done. I don't really know what i want out of posting this here.. just.. some help, some clarity, some advice, anything... i'm just so sick of living like this but i'm so scared i'll never get better
You will, I did so you will too.

Focus on taking tiny steps forward. Tiny, little things.

And take as many breaks as you need!
 
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