Sufferer My Trigger Is Nudity - How Will I Survive In Today's World?!

[WildMermaid]

If nudity in shows disturbs you please listen to the others and avoid porn, also kick that therapist to the curb. I really do feel that you need to process your triggers and have a heart-to-heart with your boyfriend about the reason behind your reaction and the steps you are taking to work on having a more reasonable reaction. He will be inundated with nudity and sexual imagery sometimes, so this one is on you to be clear about and understanding of. I was abused as a child/teen as well and trauma work takes a long time to cope with, but with patience, willingness, and desire to move forward it is possible. I can't really add much more to this topic as I'm a figure and sometimes erotic artist that loves the human form. I wish you and your boyfriend the best.

 

[StarChild]

So, he has suggested "flooding" to basically attempt to desensitize me.

Hi @Breezy816, I hope you don't mind me asking, but I'd like to know, what exactly it was, that your counsellor told you to do. - Did she literally say that you should watch porn movies? Could you please clarify what words she exactly used? Because to me, the following sounds rather like an interpretation of yours, than her actual advice:

The thought of sitting down watching porn all day with my bf is absolutely unbearable.

But of course, my gut feeling could be wrong. So I hope you'll help me to better understand your dilemma.

 

[Freedomfighter]

Well you really are describing two different things here: sexual past trauma and then there is just regular jealousy mixed in. I don't think one has to do with the other, but I could be wrong about that.

I am disturbed by nudity that I do not choose. Have you ever thought about that? It is not that nudity itself is a bad thing, but when it is forced into your day at times when you do not wish to see nudity don't you think that the problem really is not you but rather the media or the medium that forces that into your life? I was assaulted and still am assaulted by stalkers who do that. Forcing their sick visions and needs into my day, so therefore in order for us to deal with anything or anyone that forces something onto us we simply choose to place it at a standstill, to stop the train. Tough to explain, but it works. Because you are the conductor, you choose what to do. I have chosen to completely give up TV and only watch via computer what I want. And guess what, none of the American regular shows make my list, because they are just sick and show a very disturbed life style.

I find that when anything gets forced onto me, and that includes nudity that is forced into my life, then I am so totally disgusted because not because of what it is but rather because it was forced onto me. Whether it is nudity or something else, as soon as someone tries to force feed you anything, and that includes words, acts, visual or audio then yes, I think it is totally normal to freak out.

But the thing with the boyfriend really just tells me that there is still a lot of maturation that you need to complete. That is no criticism at all, but younger people since they have not matured will often display a huge amount of jealousy.

 

[HëllaBubz]

I find this thread interesting, mainly because of how you said you got angry at your bf but you don't seem to understand why.

I don't really place to much weight on responses that start with or include *you MUST do XYZ* or telling you a certain scenario means X, without any other considerations.

For me, it means the person is placing their own experiences onto another person without realising that an identical situation with different people may mean something entirely different.

Sheila Kathy, you may stand by what you've said, however I'd like to respectfully suggest that your response was given with your religious filter firmly in place, and as such it prevented you from fully analysing the situation, and also potentially ostracizing someone. Kicking a non abusive partner to the kerb for doing something they don't realise affects their partner isn't standing up for yourself, it's being short sighted, unfair and limits the potential of the boyfriend to be a better person.

Not only that, but her boyfriend isn't the problem here, the OP's inability to cope with triggers is the issue. Shouldn't we focus on enabling her to feel safe instead of attacking what could be her only solid emotional support?

Now, what I've noticed in my own relationship is that I often experience surges of anger and irritation at my partner after a trigger, and the reason was that I felt that he had failed to protect me from said trigger and as such was complicit in triggering me.

Not true of course, but that's how my mental processing works sometimes.

When we feel unsafe, we respond with anger which is actually fear. Aggression is defensive, even though it can be misdirected.

I would also seriously suggest you getting your hands on 8 Keys to Safe Trauma Recovery.

Therapy does not need to involve triggering you or flooding, desensitization is merely a form of tuning out, which in essence is running away.

Therapists do like to use it, however it is entirely possible to learn how to feel entirely safe whilst facing your fears.

Rather than it being a fear, it is merely another thing in your life that matters less to you because it isn't scary any more.

Scary for me means one or both of two things.

One, the 'thing' has a history of hurting me, so I fear it for it's own sake.

Two, I may possibly be strong enough to face it, but I'm terrified of the trigger backlash after facing the 'thing', so I'm more scared of symptoms than the 'thing'!!!

I hope this helps you somewhat...I'm rather quiet on here these days, but for some reason this post drew my attention and warranted a reply.

 

[intothelight]

Welcome to the forum!

Take some time to talk to your therapist and get some clarification on what he truly intended. Processing the trauma should be the focus of trauma therapy, but since therapy can cause a spike in symptoms, groundwork should be laid so you can learn the methods (tools) necessary to manage the spikes. If you are comfortable, let your boyfriend know what is going on and share some of the plans to work on the issue. It isn't necessary for someone to completely understand what another person is going through, but it is important for people to understand they are not the cause.

You are correct about nudity and sexualization being everywhere, and since it is not possible to avoid it all in today's society, desensitizing so the impact is not so debilitating is important.

 

[Rumors]

What about art? When you see pictures of cupids or Renaissance period art depicting naked men and women, how do you handle that? Are you as equally disturbed by male bodies as female bodies? Does your boyfriend know?
Sounds like you are projecting your brother on to your boyfriend. That is tough!!! Hang in there!
@sheilaKathy you are projecting your marriage on to others. Just because your husband was a douche doesn't mean that everyone that watches a show that depicts nudity will have the same behavior that he had. Kind of like everyone who drinks a beer isn't an alcoholic.

 

[Breezy816]

Thank you all for the insight! @TreeHugger, my therapist has just said to me several times that as painful as it may be, I need to stop avoiding the nudity and face it head on. He has specifically suggested that I find movies/websites, etc. that have nude scenes and watch them with my boyfriend. He has also used the term "flooding" as the method he is suggesting. A face your fears if you will.

"According to Pavlov, people learn through associations, so if one has a phobia, it is because one associates the feared stimulus with a negative outcome." Which brings me to @TheBubzilla. It is absolutely the feeling that overcomes me that I am scared of. I would give anything to not feel that nauseating, heart-pounding, blood boiling anxiety attack again. Even the thought of how I feel in those situations makes me want to cry. I feel like I am reliving the hurt, fear, and confusion that I most likely experienced in the times I was abused all over again.

@Rumors, art can stimulate the same emotion for me. But, you bring up a good point, it is not nude men that bother me at all. My boyfriend is aware of the situation. I actually told him about my past pretty early on, just because I realize it's an issue and I don't want to spring something like this onto anyone later in the relationship when it puts them in a tough spot. I guess I take the approach of here is me, all of me. Take it or leave it. But, if you take it, don't expect me to change, and I'll do the same in return.

 

[HëllaBubz]

Your therapist is right about needing to face your fears, but how you go about it is key.

My psychiatrist has helped me go from being triggered by just thinking about it to being able to talk about it with half the symptoms.

It's all about noticing when your body feels scared, then stopping yourself in your tracks and doing things to make yourself feel safe again.

Kind of like cutting off a conversation everytime someone is rude......it's really that abrupt!

The 8 Keys book will show you how to do that. Believe me when I say that it is possible to have recovery without being triggered badly. My psych has earned my trust my gently finding ways of helping me feel safe until I felt happy to try.

As New Age and hoo haa as it sounds, it's about being mindful.

Noticing when your body begins to feel unsafe, rather than only noticing when you've ignored all the warning signs and are fully triggered.

I know what it means to be scared of the results.....I go out to exercise every day terrified that I'll push myself too hard and my body will start remembering trauma because of my elevated body stats......at the same time I'm scared if I don't push myself that I'll start gaining wait and turn into the fat, depressed blob I used to be.

Be kind to yourself, your trigger is everywhere, but you deserve to be our enjoying your life, so hopefully we can help you find ways of feeling safe and being free.

 

[WildMermaid]

If you feel you need to expose yourself (pun not intended at all- just not clear thinking) to nudity and sexual imagery then doing that solo might be safest. On your own you can look at certain images, and move past others, it might be easier to determine what you feel or which thoughts are your triggers, and to explore them safely without fear of judgement. I don't know your situation and am not qualified in any way to advise these are just my two cents. :hug:

 

[QueenPhina]

suffering from PTSD, any sort of nudity sends me into a sever panic-anxiety attack. This is really affecting my life, especially in relationships. Last night my boyfriend was watching House of Cards and a nude scene came on. I of course experienced the intense flooding of emotion that is followed by anger towards him.!

Hi Breezy816, first off, welcome. I'm new myself and came upon your post while browsing around. Next, just wanted to let you know you're not alone!! I also suffer from PTSD from sexual abuse and I feel very similar to what you mentioned regarding nudity (intentional/non-intentional acts of viewing). I can relate to what you felt when your bf was watching House of Cards, and it frustrates me as well because this type of a sensitivity/trigger isn't anything that we desire, and in this scenario (where a nude scene was not necessarily predicted/foreseen/known, but "stumbled upon" - the way most media sneaks it in these days), we feel angry because we are like a deer in the headlights, unaware, unprepared for what was about to happen. But it does. And suddenly a wave of.. whatever... rushes over us... the "intense flooding of emotion", and we weren't ready for it. (Let me also say, I'm just SOO relieved I'm not the only one!). This is very difficult when trying to maintain a healthy relationship. What, are we supposed to never go see a movie with our significant other? Are we supposed to ban them (and ourselves) from watching things? (lol). It is very frustrating, I agree!!

Now... @SheilaKathy I must say I applaud your fierceness! I do agree that any man who is committed to another should NOT view another naked woman/women INTENTIONALLY, and that if they do, than they have in fact cheated (regardless of what society and men today think). However, I don't think that was the case with Breezy816. Her bf didn't pop a porn DVD in - then by all means, walk over there and turn that crap off! He was watching a TV Show that's on Netflix (one I've browsed and been interested in watching, and am now nervous to do so because of this post! Eek!), and not a "racy/vulgar" type one where you would expect nudity, etc. If I understood the initial post, it was more than likely a sudden scene cut - into a nude scene - that was not anticipated. Can you clarify a little more on the type of scene, @Breezy816 ? Just want to ensure I interpreted that correctly.. and also ask if it was a sex scene or exactly what type of nude scene (I saw you mention your trigger is not as strongly associated with male nudity, which led me to assume it may have been a woman disrobing?) ...

I certainly don't believe he intentionally triggered me. This just seems to be one of the emotions I feel as part of my "attack" that comes over me. But, there are many times where nudity can arise with him that he didn't choose. He is aware of my problem, but explaining the feelings you feel to someone that has never experienced the feeling makes it difficult for them to relate or even comprehend. Until today, I have never seen that someone else in this world has the same trigger, so it just sounds crazy and made-up. I feel like it almost comes off as controlling or jealous when I express hatred of seeing naked women pop-up. This is an issue in every relationship I've ever had, because it is unavoidable in today's world, so I can't expect my partner to go out of their way to avoid the situation from occurring. But like most have posted, it is an excruciating feeling, and I would give anything to not experience it, but don't see how that is ever possible.

I can strongly relate to this type of scenario where your bf is simply "watching TV" and something sexy/nude comes on. It's infuriating. It makes me absolutely livid because: (1) I want my bf to look at me and only me, (2) I believe viewing a nude image/film/anything other than me is cheating, and (3) I understand that what just came on (a nude scene) is beyond my control. This in turn angers me because now there are two things going on here that I (personally) feel strongly about - (1) my significant other has now laid eyes on a nude woman other than me, and (2) my strong feelings/views on female degradation/porn/nudity/sexually exploiting women (yes, even a nude scene in a TV show). ...... I could probably also throw in my own insecurities due to sexual abuse and all the sickening stupid sh*t that comes with it... like feeling intimidated/jealous by even viewing another woman (acting or not) that is portraying that she is comfortable with herself (body) and her sexuality (being sexual) - two things I am absolutely NOT comfortable with because of abuse......

@Breezy816 I want you to know that all of these emotions you felt in that moment YOU ARE ENTITLED TO!!! I feel very similarly! You have every right to feel the emotions and feelings you do. It took me a looong, long time to learn that I do not need to apologize for the way I feel... but I do want to learn how to reverse this and feel positive, or at least identify my triggers and know how to lessen them and shorten the effect they do have on me. The thing that sucks about this scenario that involves your bf is that just like in my case, (if I understood yours right!), I also know my bf didn't just sit there and Google "porn", ya know? He's simply watching a TV show! So who am I really angry at when I feel that rage - my bf, or the nudity? Probably both. I get mad at my bf because he saw another naked woman. But I'm more upset at the nudity because that's what was out of my control, AND out of my bf's control - subjecting us both to it. And now something as short as a 5-10 second sex scene or disrobing scene has cast a shadow on my day/night, caused a ripple in my relationship that wasn't even between us, and caused me to suddenly become aware of my physique, confidence, and sex drive - all of which probably suck in comparison to whatever just appeared on TV...''

Long story short, I know what you feel. I struggle with it too. But I'm worried about what your counselor told you regarding:

has never known someone with my trigger. So, he has suggested "flooding" to basically attempt to desensitize me. The thought of sitting down watching porn all day with my bf is absolutely unbearable. But, maybe I just have to try.

Please, FIND ANOTHER COUNSELOR. With the past you shared with us, it is VITAL and CRUCIAL for you to have a therapist that specializes in sexual abuse. I agree with @Solara

Time for a new therapist. Nudity triggers aren't uncommon for a sexual abuse survivor. I'd say many of us have them! I think you need to find a trauma therapist.

I am not currently in therapy but I was when I was a teenager. I gained some things from it, but looking back I was never fully comfortable really talking or opening up because my therapist was male and he didn't specialize in sexual abuse/trauma. It led to a bunch of "treatment" and "medication" that I went through that looking back was probably a waste of time because I wasn't being honest and the poor guy was probably as uncomfortable as I was (out of his field, not his specialty) and just trying to go down his therapist list of tips and tricks. I have been longing to go back into therapy (for real), but I have learned that because of my sexual abuse it MUST be a female and she absolutely would have to specialize in trauma. I've been through too much to dig that deep into the emotional and mental pain just to express it to someone who doesn't know how to help. All I know is that porn is a huge trigger, and if I was being told to "flood" myself with images of pornography with my bf, I'd probably just go sit in a corner and kill myself instead because it would be way less painful.

Now, what I've noticed in my own relationship is that I often experience surges of anger and irritation at my partner after a trigger, and the reason was that I felt that he had failed to protect me from said trigger and as such was complicit in triggering me.

Not true of course, but that's how my mental processing works sometimes.

When we feel unsafe, we respond with anger which is actually fear. Aggression is defensive, even though it can be misdirected.

I would also seriously suggest you getting your hands on 8 Keys to Safe Trauma Recovery.
.

I found that extremely interesting; mental processing is alone, but that shed light on some of my own emotions. I'm deff going to check out that book. Thank you @TheBubzilla for that recommendation!

Now I'm not sure how to decipher this feedback:

Well you really are describing two different things here: sexual past trauma and then there is just regular jealousy mixed in. I don't think one has to do with the other, but I could be wrong about that.
I find that when anything gets forced onto me, and that includes nudity that is forced into my life, then I am so totally disgusted because not because of what it is but rather because it was forced onto me. Whether it is nudity or something else, as soon as someone tries to force feed you anything, and that includes words, acts, visual or audio then yes, I think it is totally normal to freak out.
But the thing with the boyfriend really just tells me that there is still a lot of maturation that you need to complete. That is no criticism at all, but younger people since they have not matured will often display a huge amount of jealousy.

@Kroatien I agree with what you are stating about nudity that is forced into life. It is definitely out there. It is definitely an agenda. It's definitely affecting people, especially sensitized people. It is absolutely normal to reject something forced upon you (in this case, the nude scene). But if that is normal, why are you telling Breezy816 that she is simply "being jealous" in regards to her bf viewing something that was forced, in your words, upon both her and him? I don't agree with that, and I personally would be hurt being told that "I'm just jealous" my bf viewed a nude woman that was thrown up on a screen. Why are you even in this forum? Are you saying you never feel jealousy? When you do, is that juvenile? How would you feel if you felt slightly jealous of something, only to be told that you're "acting childish" for feeling that way? How would you feel to be told you're "acting childish" for feeling jealous, when it ties into a trigger for you? Your post was pretty unsympathetic. I found it pretty amusing that Breezy816 didn't reply to you b ut practically everyone else. I wouldn't have replied back to you either if I were in her shoes, because having triggers has nothing to do with having "a lot of maturation that you need to complete". Your last sentence doesn't make sense either "...younger people since they have not matured will often display a huge amount of jealousy" - how do you know how old Breezy816 is? Or are you just like 150 years old so everyone here isn't as "mature" as you? I just had to stand up to that poorly thought out comment, for Breezy816's sake.

Now, where was I?

It is absolutely the feeling that overcomes me that I am scared of. I would give anything to not feel that nauseating, heart-pounding, blood boiling anxiety attack again. Even the thought of how I feel in those situations makes me want to cry. I feel like I am reliving the hurt, fear, and confusion that I most likely experienced in the times I was abused all over again.

@Breezy816 I just wanted to end with that quote on what you feel - I've never heard it described so well. It's like you took the words out of my mouth, except I didn't know how to formulate them before reading that. Thanks for that. Sorry for such a long post, but I just felt so connected to the topic of this post and I wanted to reach out and let you know you're not alone. I really hope this helps. I'm new and just wanting to reach out. Was feeling really lonely and had triggers myself today and guess I just felt like this was the place to vent. Wishing you a blessed day! Keep your head up!

 

[Friday]

Sometimes... When I'm having problems with my own stressors... I look at other people's. Reason being, I can usually come up with a few million work a rounds for other people, but get too caught up in my own stuff to see clearly.

Ex) I can't handle legal paperwork. Long story. Not relevant. Hopefully this seems totally silly to you. There are tons of ways to deal with that, yet when I get caught off guard? My mind empties, followed very closely by my stomach. And I'll then be dealing with panic attacks, and puking levels of anxiety, and rage, helplessness, despair, ideation... Whole dang smorgasbord of fun.

Ex) Can't handle the smell of coffee & Simple Green (a cleaning product). Again, hopefully there are a whole bunch of "Well. Don't XYZ. Or do ABC, or how about 123?

It's a thing that works for some people; start using your problem solving skills for someone else and gets those creative juices flowing, in a way that let's you flank your own problems.

It's what originally allowed me to hire an accountant to pay my bills. I was helping someone else sort out their problems, in this case needing a mechanic... When they'd been raised working on cars... The idea of hiring someone to do something they knew how to do made as much sense as hiring someone to wipe your bum for you (touch wood, a lot of medical conditions actually do require that). It doesn't matter that I know how to pay my bills. I know how to do a lot of things I pay other people to do (like any time I eat at a restaurant: I know how to cook, but I'm paying someone to cook for me :p). Went into a big long speech justifying why using a mechanic is okay... And the exact same argument applied to my hiring an accountant. Oh. Duh.

LOL... No need to actually help me figure out work arounds on those 2 things that trigger me. But, esp if you haven't done it before, use mine or anyone else's and start brainstorming. It may not be the exact same solution that you would present to someone else (it may be) that helps you sort this stressor, but it will get you thinking along lines of what makes sense to you.

 

[Ms.liz777]

everything you have said about how you feel when their is nudity and what happens to you is exactly what happens to me. You are not alone. I choose to avoid it as much as I can and not watch those kind of shows. I think a lot of shows on TV are perverted and not good for anyone to watch but that's my own personal opinion. I found that if am watching a show with my husband and their is nudity and he turns the channel or looks away my anxiety is not nearly as bad and only last seconds compared to hours or days. The fear and Anxiety comes from that I'm with someone ( my husband) that is just as bad as the men that have done bad things to me. That he lacks self-control that he's sexuality is just as dangerous. My sexual memories with my husband and the sexual memories of my abuse blend together When I am triggered by nudity, It's terrifying it makes me feel sick. I find that if he turns away or changes the channel till it's over I know he has self control over his sexuality something my abusers didn't have and I feel safe I can easily separate him from my abusers and can trust him.