My world just exploded!

[lostforgottensoul]

instead of doing the default position of isolating & letting my head catastrophize everything & run away with myself.

Oh I can totally relate to this one! Just read the title of this thread! ;)

It also reminds me that it's not the situation that matters it's how I handle it, & watching how ur looking for opportunities & not running away from ur reality is really commendable! :)

Well thank you! That means the world to me!

I suppose that reminds me that how it really is isn't always how it feels. If that makes sense.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Her son is flying her up there to his house Thurs! Yes! I don't know how she is getting to the airport as I am working and she gave me the rest of her cash for food yesterday. If I have to I will pay for a taxi but haven't offered yet as I am trying to get him to figure something out on his end. Plus, a taxi to the Orlando Airport is expensive. There is also Uber and an airport taxi.

This also means my dad's car is free to buy!

I cannot believe this is finally ending and ending so perfectly! It started as a super extreme thing and ended with her son doing what he should have orginally!

ETA: Her ex husband is coming to take her to the airport. How about that working out? Now I have to find the time to clean my car inside and out to list it for sale. And still keep my service dog in training's training up. I need more hours in a day!

But, at least this all worked out!

 

[joeylittle]

! It started as a super extreme thing and ended with her son doing what he should have orginally!

I'm glad it's wrapping up so well.

It would be good for you to look back on what you knew when it started, and see how much you may have blown out of proportion as an emergency or crisis. Not that it wasn't stressful - but it's wrapping up nicely and with follow thru on an original promise might indicate that it was more in-hand than it may have seemed (due to dysregulation and cognitive distortions).

 

[lostforgottensoul]

It would be good for you to look back on what you knew when it started, and see how much you may have blown out of proportion as an emergency or crisis. Not that it wasn't stressful - but it's wrapping up nicely and with follow thru on an original promise might indicate that it was more in-hand than it may have seemed (due to dysregulation and cognitive distortions).

I can see some distortions but I am unsure if I am able to see them all. It felt crisis and I was in the middle being pulled both directions. If I hadn't called her son we'd still be here twiddling our thumbs. I had to get super pissed to stand up for myself. It was then that I saw not one person cared about me and was hyper focused on my dad or my step mom. And because of what I came back and told my step mom after I spoke to her son, she called her son and that is what caused him to finally step up. He went to the mother of his daughter and spoke to them about it.

But, what im saying is it wouldn't of worked out as well as it is without me speaking to him and then getting pissed and finally standing up for myself making her then call him. I guess, a good question to ask is why did I have to get super pissed to stand up for myself?

Maybe with distance I'll be able to see distortions? I didn't want anyone to be mad at me in the end. I wanted to stay neutral as I didn't want one side to stop talking to me. My brother was finally talking to me and his wife being nice to me (which is crazy all by itself) and I didnt want to f*ck that up, again, plus they are the avenue to speak to my dad and they already cut off one sister from talking to him. And then you have my step mom who is just broken. And my heart just breaks for her. I know what it feels like. What this exact thing feels like and I didn't want to also abandon her. Maybe thats all distorted, I'm not sure. When it comes to my family it gets all muddied and complicated super fast.

The evicted I was willing to do, though, I wanted to find anything first and couldn't file it at the courthouse for 4 weeks. Thats just fact. But it is also fact that I didn't want to anyway and the reason, I think, is that would really be abandoning my step mom. I felt like that was doing to her what my family did to me. That it would be abandoning her.

I don't know, I think some distance may help with seeing distortions because I feel like I am typing distortions and then justifying distortions but can't see any of it as distortions. If that makes any sense.

 

[scout86]

JMO, but I think where the cognitive distortions enter in is more how you felt during all this.

Beginning with the title of this thread. You FELT like your world had exploded. The reality was you had an unexpected, potentially difficult, problem to deal with. That could have been looked at as a problem, or a challenge, or an experiment, or a bump in the road, or a lot of other things, including a catastrophe. That's, I think, where the regulation/dysregulation thing enters in. You still have to address the problem, but you can play around with how you think of it. Dealing with "a problem", at least in my universe, is less stressful than dealing with the end of life as we know it. (Which, now that I think about it, might not be all that bad because the end of life as we know it could be followed by something better.)

Anyway, not sure I made that very clear. Does it make sense?

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Does it make sense?

It does. That is how it felt in the beginning. I think that changed slowly. Not really only when I got pissed but when my brain was asking "ok, what are we going to do about it?" I guess what I am wondering, though I can tell the title is definatly distorted, how I prevent that in the future? Or is it just a 'learn from to think back on' sort of thing?

 

[scout86]

For me, it's a learning process, for sure. I try to recognize something that's starting to get to me, and stop and analyze the situation from a "how appropriate my stress level?"stand point as quickly I can. I almost think of it as a game. "Spot That Cognitive Distortion". It can be hard to do, in the moment, because a lot of parts of your brain are screaming at you that the world is coming to an end. Practice.

So, yeah, after the fact, do an assessment of how you were thinking about things and try to identify distortions. You handled this pretty well, but some of those distortions, uncontrolled, put you through more drama than was really necessary. I think one of the huge advantages of this forum is that a lot of the people you were talking to here understood what was going on. If you'd been dealing with 'civilians' a lot of people would have been confused about both the level of anxiety and the switching back & forth between "ok" and "not ok".

Actually, my T once told me "We need to create a few more stopping off points for you between 'everything's fine' and 'the end of the world is HERE!' " Maybe not exactly the same thing, but related. Does that make sense?

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Does that make sense?

Totally!

And, yeah, I was going back and forth to "omg not ok" to "its all going to be fine". I think part of the "its all going to be fine" followed talking on here and also talking to my brother and my dad. I told my brother "its anxiety brain, im sorry" and my dad has learned to calm me down over the years. The way it felt the entire time was the same and it was "OMG WHAT THE f*ck AM I GOING TO DO?" But, my brain is one that makes plans and searches for plans. How it feels and what my brain is doing rarely matches. Not sure if that makes any sense. But that throws me off a lot.

 

[joeylittle]

The way it felt the entire time was the same and it was "OMG WHAT THE f*ck AM I GOING TO DO?" But, my brain is one that makes plans and searches for plans. How it feels and what my brain is doing rarely matches. Not sure if that makes any sense. But that throws me off a lot.

That's what DBT is for. Emotion regulation and distress tolerance. Those skills need to be strong, because the times they are needed are invariably stressful.

Your world was never going to explode. You were faced with an annoying problem involving family, and it needed solving. Every step of the way you probably needed to slow down and regulate your emotional response. As you acknowledged, there was no need to get pissed to stand up for yourself - in fact, there's no need to even see it as standing up for yourself, actually - especially if thinking "I need to stand up for myself" results in heightened emotion, like anger and panic.

You've said before that your brain makes and searches for plans. That's not an attribute that is healthy. There is a difference between problem solving and catastrophizing. Making plans for things that have not yet occurred, and/or holding onto various eventualities so you can feel prepared - this is the stuff that makes the head spin out, and leads to emotional reasoning, dysregulation, all that stuff that we need to work to avoid.

Can you go back to the beginning, look at what you were told, separate it from the emotional response, and see instead what the action items for the problem solving were?

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Can you go back to the beginning, look at what you were told, separate it from the emotional response, and see instead what the action items for the problem solving were?

Probably. I see what you are saying. May need a bit more distance as emotions haven't fully settled but probably.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@lostforgottensoul Glad that things are finally calming down and a solution is in the works. Overall I think you did pretty good at handling things. You looked for solutions, you took advice, you maintained, and you finally stood up for yourself without losing it.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I still feel like my world is super out of control and I have been trying so hard to post about it and cannot seem to find words or it just sounds super stupid.

I am being forced to trust (and that alone is hard) the woman that made my life a living hell for years! Called Drs and lied about me, single handily parterned with my mother and brought my end family into a her "web" where they believe every word she says and then turned on me. The woman that googled me, found where I was posting online, printed and passed out what I was saying to then "debunk" what I was saying. It is insane how she can grab people like she does. They start to talk to her and its all over. One of my sister has now gotten hooked and out of it twice now, and appologized twice now.

The woman that controls my brother. I tell everyone that he has his own brain but she is one master manipulator. And I was able to back away from it, block her, and find my feet and my voice and my balls to start to stand up for myself and then KABOOM!

I am a nervous f*cking wreak and I cannot seem to figure out how to stop this or challenge it.

I took my electeric out of my dad's name so she couldn't turn it off. I paid it every month. It was in his name because moving in here we each picked something to turn on and he just never had me move it into my name due to paying another deposit. But I did that. It's the cars. I am forced to trust that they won't come and take my car. I paid for it but legally its my dad's as its in his name. We did that because of three back to back accidents. All off my record now but now no one wants to insure me because I have not had car insurence in over 5 yrs. And the one quote I got is insane! But I will put it in my name. I will buy out dad's car loan, if I can. I need $4100 plus tags & title. I will be short. And then I have a pain pump refill on the 24th, I have to cancel my therapist on the 25th though I BADLY need a therapist appointment. Due to work, it has been 5 weeks since I have seen him! I BADLY need to see him but nope! I am scared to move it to the 24th (if he has an opening and this soon, I doubt it) because what if I MUST do something that day? And my health insurence is the f*cked up type of plan my last job had. A forced health savings that the company pays part of. But its $750/$750 meaning, after it hits $750, all Drs and all medication is self pay/retail/full price like you have no insurence until I hit $750. My pain pump refill is over $300 alone and I think what they bill the insurence is a few thousand. Self pay is a like a 70% discount they said. I have seen the coverage itemized "not a bill" from the insurence and it was hundreds on many lines. I am usually paying over $100 every refill and that was 20%. Then the Seriquel XR will be due in 2 weeks. That is another $300+. That $750 will be gone with just those two things, meaning I will need a good amount of money, soon. If I spend all of it buying out that loan, then what? Can't not refill my pump. That is life threatening and can't go off the Seriquel cold turkey. And my brother indicated he would loan me money if I am $500 ish short of the loan but then there is more attachment to them when I need to figure out how to back up from them. I always pay people back. My dad can tell them that. But that is more attachment to them when just texting her makes me a crazy nervous wreak!

I am just a nervous wreak! And I am sure my brain is doing all of this. I texted her "please don't take my car away from me! I will put it in my name but I can't until the 25th because of work" and she texted back "why would I do that?" And I am thinking to myself "because you are you and seem to gain pleasure from my pain!" But didn't tell her that.

I don't know if I am making any sense at all. I'm sorry. This is why I haven't started a new thread. I am all over the place. I don't even know how to make sense. I am in a ball on the couch rocking because I don't know what else to do. I am trying to focus on training Chopper but struggling with that and also struggling with finding time on top of all these things I am supposed to be doing, per my brother and his wife. Whom has way more control over me then I am comfortable with. My car is on sale on criags list but no one is biting and they are controling that and I am scared if it sells and I am short money and then if they take dad's car. If it doesn't and I put it in my name and it dies and I no longer have a good savings. I mean I have A savings but not more money then I need coming in like when my dad was here. It is a 6.5 hr bus ride to one of my Drs. My brother is saying "trust me" but I lost my abilty to do that 10 yrs back. My dad is now fully out of contact. Who knows what will happen with the promises he made to me when it comes to the certifications.

I feel like I am sliding down a mud hole and I am trying to stop the slide and can't. And I can't not stop it as that means they have all this control over me. I cannot budget out money to cover the pain pump and the Seriquel if I don't know if the car will sell and for how much and if I am needing to borrow money from my brother or if I am putting it in my name. And I just feel like I am out of control. And Chopper is suffering from this as well as he is way more stressed then he would he otherwise.

Ugh, I don't know what I am trying to say or how to say it. Just ignore me. I'm sorry. I cannot find words....

ETA: I didn't post this in my diary as I want some help with it and its on topic of this thread. Sorry if this should have been a diary post.