Narc Husband Part Back On Attack While Therapist Is On Vacation...

[Muted]

If he's still ignoring you then he's still playing "the game".
He's still trying to exercise narcissis...

Wow, thank you @GrayOwl! Just from your advice, I can tell you understand. I'm sorry you have had to endure what you have.

One of the things that jumped out at me is to always be prepared to with an escape plan...for years I went around with a bag packed and ready and somehow had forgotten that.

He didn't win this morning, miraculously and through good therapy and EMDR, I was calm and more or less swooped in ( after he blabbed for over an hour, that's one of his things it's like I live with an attorney with him trying to trap me thru questions etc...) anyway when I did finally talk after listening and listening I pretty much nailed it (thru empathy etc.)and he of course tried to recover, but then I 'had to' go to work. So now I'm being punished thru silence, I agree it affects everyone in the house... I've learned how to somewhat keep my own power, but I hate when it creeps in and then catches me off guard. I will talk to my T about all of this when she gets back.

As far as documenting, I did remember that. I just record him, best evidence there is I think. It has also helped me gain understanding in his tactics so now I call them when I see them.

 

[Muted]

Is the therapist a couples therapist? If not, it would be ideal if one of you found your own therapi...

Thank you, I have been trying... I took my daughter to lunch today and had a nice time. It's a challenge for me to get out, because I have an issue with crowds and stuff.

He's not getting a rise out of me, but he's definitely drained my energy to a degree...

 

[Riot]

The whole seeing you two separately? Sounds completely unethical. Trust or not. I'd definitely inquire about that.

 

[Deleted member 35429]

My therapist refuses to see my husband strictly because of this issue you are experiencing of betrayal and therapist's words being used against each other. It doesn't seem safe to have her treating both of you in my opinion. Sorry this is happening while she is away. Is it possible he is also under stress without having her for support right now?

 

[EveHarrington]

I'm a bit afraid for your children.

You cannot shield them from the effects of a narcissist.

As such they are indeed at risk for becoming narcissistic themselves.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

You have received LOTS of GREAT INPUT!
It's one of the things that I LOVE about the Forum!

Hang in there, and keep up the good coping skills! EMDR is AWESOME isn't it? I have "travelled" farther with it

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

I am surprised any therapist would even see a patient's who are related unless its marriage counselling where both are together, most therapists would not see patients who are related simply because of the conflict of interest and the fact that seeing both can result in the very situation you are having to deal with where he is using something she said against you.

I think you need to address the conflict of interest with your therapist.

 

[shimmerz]

He has even gone to the extent of quoting how she told him to handle certain issues with me that don't ring true or have been misconstrued from how she said or intended it.

I used to vacate the house when my ex got like this. I booked a hotel room and hung out there. I think it is important to not subject yourself to such, even for short times. Can you stay at a friends or something?

Hmmmm, I also used to say (and did do) a recording of the conversation, stating that I would take it into the therapist - no secrets right? We are trying to fix the relationship? lol. He shut up pretty quickly when I threw that out there for him.

 

[aut555]

Love, love the input here. My narc lied all the time, compulsive. Your narc has to have the control as @GrayOwl said. My narc made me sick, stole my personal items, and denied me basic human rights. My daughter suffered. From what l have read, they never change. So you are in for the all champion fight of your lifetime. I seriously doubt he will ever change. So please keep the escape route plan, and start preparing should you wish to leave later. Some little steps now will help feel better. Like a private bank account, study up on divorce, and have your eyes wide open. Because divorce from a narc can be worse then marriage. Go online and look at all the attorneys talking about divorcing these types. My narc dragged out the divorce two years.

 

[Muted]

If that does happen, believe me I will be prepared and I have been saving 'just in case'.

I'm sorry for what you have been through. They sure can make life miserable.

 

[Muted]

I used to vacate the house when my ex got like this. I booked a hotel room and hung out there. I thi...

Are you still in relationship with him?

Yes, I can stay somewhere else if needed. I've spent extra time at work this weekend and that has helped.

 

[Muted]

@shimmerz
I love your quote too btw!!