Need a name for this

[whiteraven]

I've tried explaining this to my therapist multiple times. I really, really need a name for this, because it is intense and the anxiety it is producing is even worse. And it leaves me wanting, desperately, to die. To just be gone from this world.

Whenever I am in a situation that either feels unfamiliar or in a situation/place/around people I know/am familiar with but are really uncomfortable, I get extremely anxious and...scared, I guess. It could even be something I wanted to do or someone I like/love.

Like, I was driving home tonight in the dark from a course I took. And I felt terrified. I stopped at my mom's and it got worse. I seem to be fine once I'm home. I can't pinpoint it; I don't think it's trauma related. I think it's just general anxiety/depression-related, but the worst thing is that, even when I haven't been suicidal for awhile, or just wanting to die, it all comes flooding back.

It's different from that feeling of jamais vu - I get seizures that manifest as that. This is different and I don't understand it.

 

[EveHarrington]

Other people make you anxious when they are anxious?

I am like this.....which is why I cannot have neurotic people in my life. Their anxiety transfers to me.

I always chalked it up to being extremely sensitive and overly in tune to those around me. I don’t know if it has a name.

 

[Friday]

A)
Unfamiliar situations/people = Don’t know what to expect?
People you know being uncomfortable = Don’t know what to expect?
Dont know what to expect = very very bad?

B)
Have an abuse history?
- Where not knowing what to do (unfamiliar situation or people) = bad times?
- Where other people being uncomfortable (holy shit, even THEY are feeling bad) = really badly times?

Responding to current events as if they’re past events? I usually name as “triggered”

 

[whiteraven]

Other people make you anxious when they are anxious?

Hm...no, that's not it. It's like, when I'm out (I can't think of a time it happened when I was in my home) I get these episodes (sorry, don't know what else to call them) when my anxiety increases tenfold and things are dark and unfamiliar.

 

[Abstract]

Are they very sudden and specific in their quality? I wonder about emotional flashbacks...

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

Maybe you are feeling a part? Maybe it isn’t your anxiety, but theirs.

 

[whiteraven]

A)
Unfamiliar situations/people = Don’t know what to expect?
People you know being uncomfortable = Don’t know what to expect?
Dont know what to expect = very very bad?

B)
Have an abuse history?
- Where not knowing what to do (unfamiliar situation or people) = bad times?
- Where other people being uncomfortable (holy shit, even THEY are feeling bad) = really badly times?

Responding to current events as if they’re past events? I usually name as “triggered”

So...I think it's more familiar situations and people seeming unfamiliar. Maybe it's about not knowing what to expect; I get that in other situations, but this just feels so different.

I've never thought of this as something that was a trigger. Possible, I guess. I just don't know.

Are they very sudden and specific in their quality? I wonder about emotional flashbacks...

Yes, they are both. And usually, they occur one right after another.

Can you say more about "emotional flashbacks?"

Maybe you are feeling a part? Maybe it isn’t your anxiety, but theirs.

Oh, that's possible. I'll have to think about that.

I do think that I am way more dissociated than I use to be. Sometimes I think that, since dissocation is pretty much my normal state right now, all the other stuff just seems unfamiliar because I'm truly not living in (that) the world. I don't know if that makes sense or not, but...

 

[Abstract]

The way I understand it flashbacks are reliving dissociative states and possibly involve the senses and emotions. A full flashback means all of these are involved but one can also have just one or more of these involved. That (I believe non clinical) term alludes to a reliving state that involves emotions from a trauma and none of the senses. No seeing, hearing etc just feeling. Triggered by something sensory, thoughts or environment.

 

[whiteraven]

The way I understand it flashbacks are reliving dissociative states and possibly involve the senses and emotions. A full flashback means all of these are involved but one can also have just one or more of these involved. That (I believe non clinical) term alludes to a reliving state that involves emotions from a trauma and none of the senses. No seeing, hearing etc just feeling. Triggered by something sensory, thoughts or environment.

Thank you, @Abstract. I did some reading on this - and I now remember considering this some time ago - and it may fit. It comes closer than anything I've come up with so far.

 

[Abstract]

You can read a bit of Pete Walker if you haven't before. Not all of it officially accepted but it helped me lot.

 

[Sideways]

Yes, they are both. And usually, they occur one right after another.

Have you and your T looked at the anxiety disorders and panic disorders? You may meet the criteria of a generalised anxiety or panic disorder in addition to having ptsd.

What you are describing sounds like a panic attack. It makes sense with a diagnosis of PTSD, but you may have comorbid issues going on.

 

[whiteraven]

What you are describing sounds like a panic attack. It makes sense with a diagnosis of PTSD, but you may have comorbid issues going on.

I definitely have anxiety, but this doesn't feel like a panic attack. At all.