General Need Advice About Ex-Girlfriend with PTSD & Alcohol Abuse

[Mina]

What are other ways in which you cope?

Alcohole abuse has already been mentioned, but other common coping mechanisms include drug abuse, risk-taking behaviors, self-mutilation (eg, cutting, burning, hair pulling), avoidance and withdrawing. I know there are more...

 

[niceguyhere66]

Mina

I am not sure what she is doing now since she really doesn't talk to me. She broke up with me the day after she got out of the hospital and my contact with her has been limited. She has text me a few times, wanted me to come over and basically hold her before she went to sleep. I believe she was placed on new meds, and is seeing a counsler and psycologist. Plus I think she is going to AA....I pray she is.....

I am just trying to give her space and leave her alone.......if she needs me, I will be there. This just hurts, but I can only imagine what this all is doing to her. I am just praying for her.

 

[amethist]

Hi Niceguy

This may sound harsh but unless you are prepared the for incredible highs and no bottom lows please do not promise to this girl what you cannot deliver. If you really want to be with her for the long haul then you really going to have to stand back when she asks and be there as well. And yes it will hurt like you have never hurt before it's part of the ptsd carer side, it hurts and it carries on hurting for a long time.

Sorry for being so blunt and honest but you need to put yourself first so that you can help her, back off when you need to as well.

Hope you can work out the best way to handle this for both of you

Amethist

 

[niceguyhere66]

Amethist

Thank you for your honesty.......I believe I already know the lows, as we are not together now.......

In the end, I know I love her more than I have ever loved before. She is the most incredible person.......And I do know taking care of myself is first, and learning as much as possible about PTSD I can will help me to help her.......whether I need to just back off and leave her alone, or hug her and tell her I love her and it will be ok. For now, I know she has pushed me away, if it's permanent, time will tell.

One thing, today is my birthday, and first thing I woke up to was a happy birthday message from her. It was nice that she didn't forget me. I was hoping to have heard from her. I did, and text her back saying, thanks hon, means alot, hope she was doing well.

In any event, thank you for your honesty....

 

[Nicolette]

Happy Birthday Nice Guy!

 

[amethist]

Happy bithday for yesterday. :occasion:

Hope you managed to go out wih some friends to celebrate.

Amethist

 

[dust]

I think that with time and therapy it is possible to get closer to being the people we are and to learn to live and love with PTSD.

After 2 1/2 years of therapy I think and hope that I am now ready to enter a relationship. I was desperate to have one before (I needed the support) but am glad that I now have the opportunity to enter a relationship on a more equal footing.

She needs time and space and perhaps the best way you can support her right now is as a friend - which it looks like you are doing. Therapy will help, and she will need support if she is going to go back and face her past therapeutically.


Good luck,

dust

 

[TLight]

She's in a ton of emotional pain and will be for some time. If you can set some of your needs aside, read as much as you can about this illness, try to understand the rocky roads of her recovery, and just be there...........then go for it.

If you are being hurt, distraught over her behavior, if in any way you think you cannot go through this and keep your own sobriety and sanity.........then it would be best to back off and be a friend so you do not get hurt.

If you end up abandoning her abruptly..........it will be bad for her. Thoroughly think this through, what you are willing to do emotionally, are you emotionally strong enough?

The stuff
Mina said about boundaries in relationships is very right on. This process you are invovled in requires you to be extremely adult..........in a way that protects you and sets healthy boundaries with her. This is what will benefit her.
Good luck........

 

[niceguyhere66]

TLight & Dust......

Thank you for your responses. I guess the biggest question I have, is,

Do I reach out to her at all?

Do I just wait till she contacts me?

Do I just leave her alone?

I have a counsler who is just telling me to back off, let her deal with her pain, and if she contacts me, if I want to be there for her, to go ahead and be there for her.

This is soooooo hard, I just want her to know that I am there for her, if she wants me there.

 

[niceguyhere66]

Tlight.......

You wrote

"If you end up abandoning her abruptly..........it will be bad for her. Thoroughly think this through, what you are willing to do emotionally, are you emotionally strong enough?"

For the fact that she won't talk to me, and has broken up with me, and I have been told to leave her alone.......how can I still support her? Should I leave her alone? is that abandoning her abruptly? Cause i don't want to hurt her at all.......i love HER!!!