Hi Barry,
I'm sorry for what you went through in the past and what you're going through now. Having PTSD and being around family that don't understand is tough. Real tough, sometimes.
Although PTSD was known by different names in the past,( i.e. shell shock, etc.) treatment methods have changed and more is known about it now. However, unlike folks knowing/understanding about diabetes, PTSD and it's affects isn't commonly understood by most people. Many people are familiar with the term "PTSD" but understanding it is limited, and many folks who have it don't understand it until after a lot of reflection, research, therapy, learning about their triggers, etc.
I think what Scout86 said at the beginning of their post is very important: not only to understand how PTSD changes one's view of the world, but also understanding the particular ways it affects you, i.e. your symptoms.
With regards to other people understanding what you're going through. . . I believe many people do not wish to have a conversation that revolves around the topic of war. It's viewed as an unpleasant subject for many IMO. And your grandmother may be of the generation where people who ended up with PTSD were shamed and told not to talk about it. So, I suggest backing off from talking about war with her and possibly your mother and other family members too. I suggest looking for a PTSD group that you can join so(1) you're around other folks who have it and you don't feel so alone and (2) where you may more easily talk about the war and possibly make a couple of friends that definitely understand.
About your mom and friend talking over you . . . I understand that you took their behavior personally. Of course, I don't know all the circumstances, but their behavior could have been simply a couple of friends chatting/visiting about themselves and having a good time doing it, and their feeling about wanting to continue the good feeling they had between themselves was paramount to hearing about the knowledge you have/had about the phone. IMO this sort of thing happens a lot with people. IMO we/people, in general, often don't give our full attention to other people - people often carry on low grade talk/chit chat about things not too important and think it makes a relationship. I'm not saying your reaction to them talking over you was wrong. I just think that kind of thing happens to all people at times, and that even someone without PTSD could be irritated about it happening to them. My message here is that sometimes you just have to give others some slack.
That being said, I have to admit that folks talking over me is something that really "gets me"! It "gets me" (1) because I have the attitude that it's rude and (2) because of my PTSD I sometimes don't process verbal information coming in fast and that heightens my anxiety and stress. Errrgh! :mad: And I'll take it to mean that others think, or I think, I'm less important. Sound familiar at all?
I have been told that I need to accept that others may not be able to understand the PTSD and how it affects me.
I believe WillowMarie's statement to be absolutely true. I've had PTSD for quite a while. I've observed I need calmness around me and warm friends and family, time to process things and "normalize" myself, and that sometimes I react to things in a weird way. When something happens with family or friends that I don't like, I'm now usually able to speak up and be direct, "Hey, I wasn't finished speaking and you just talked over me." Or, "Wait, please slow down and say that again. I want to understand what you're saying." One of my weird (errgh, favorite?) ways of reacting is literally running out of the room without saying anything to anyone. :confused: It's due to something that happened or something someone said that (in my subconscious) triggered me, unknowingly in the moment. Usually, I "wake up" several minutes later, knowing what happened, then return. I'll just walk in and say, "What were we talking about?" (like nothing happened) or make light of my running away, do a little dance and announce "I'm back" and things will go on from there. Most of the time, doing weird things like I do is now just taken in stride by me and folks that know me. :D
Yes, we have to accept that others don't get us, and give them some breathing room because that's essentially what we're asking from them.
The best thing I can suggest is an honest, direct, friendly conversation, some time when there's nothing else going on. Take Mom out for lunch and talk about stuff. Plan things out in your head first. You'd know better than I do whether or not that's an option.
I think this is a great idea. If you can afford to take mom out to someplace nice it will make her feel honored and special. And if the place is not too crowded and is rather quiet, it will cut down on distractions. The purpose of getting together is to connect with her, so I'd suggest not making the conversation all about you. If she's at least a somewhat decent/caring mom, and you ask for her support and understanding in a non-demanding, non-judgmental fashion I think there's a good chance that she'll want to be more understanding. She may say she doesn't understand, or argue "Why can't you just . . ." at the time, but IMO folks that are even a little bit open may walk away with at least thinking about what you've said . . . . In time, you'll know whether she's that sort of person or whether she's closed. In which case, you'll just have to understand she's not capable of understanding - that doesn't mean she loves and cares about you any less. It just means she can't understand. <Don't know if that made sense.
(((hugs)))
Drew
