Relationship Need Another Opinion

[3kidsinpa]

Need some advice and an unbiased opinion. I have caught my husband on porn sites since he returned from Iraq even though he tells me the medication has removed any desires for anything like that.

My daughter who is eleven went to use his computer to play games and I discovered that he has been using user Ids like lonesome4someone and other ones I will not post here so that I do not offend anyone. I am torn about what to do. I confronted him and he told me it was just a madeup ones that he could remember to "reset" his army AKO account.

I don't believe this but I am at a loss as to what to do. I don't want to give up but feel like it might be best since we are so miserable and constantly arguing. We rarely get along anymore but I still wanted to hang on to try to make things better.

Hoping someone can give some insight into why someone would do this. Is there valid reasons or is he just a cheat? He was diagnosed with PTSD but refuses to have further testing for tbi.

Thanks

 

[BigBear]

You asked about why. I'm afraid that I can't help much there. I know that guys are more prone to porn than girls and more addictable. On the other hand, you'll see many places on this site where people say that porn problems have nothing to do with PTSD. LOL!

What I wanted to say was that he owes it to you to be transparent with you. If he wants to be honorable, he should allow the install of a monitor program that only you know the override password for.

Just my opinion...

Bear

 

[nimkekaa]

I wonder if marriage counselling would be beneficial. You both have been through a lot with him in Iraq and you being a single parent while he was gone.

I hope things work out for you!

 

[anthony]

Shit, I'm a bloke and I don't believe him. I've been where he was, and I wasn't kidding about those sort of things when I did them, and my relationships all fell apart for many years straight... so no, I don't believe him either.

 

[Srain]

Obviously, this is just my opinion and being a Survivor myself and at the same time a person who has been with cheaters and liars, I have a strong view on this subject.

What ever other problems he may have, if he is not willing to address the PTSD and you both know it's an issue, then I would not excuse other behaviour as related to it simply because he has that. I think it's an easy excuse for bad behaviour left unchecked. Using a screen names such as "lonesome4someone" shows bad faith. I don't believe him either, it's a ridiculous story, and I've heard my share - striving to believe some outrageous ones because I was hoping they were true.

I'm sorry you are going through this. If you feel like marriage counseling will help then it's always an option. I hope you take care of yourself and your daughter first and foremost.

Peace and healing,

Rain

 

[Eleanor]

If he is not willing to get help with the PTSD and you guys are fighting, it is just an ordinary abusive relationship, and you are best off getting out sooner rather than later, particularly as there is a child in the mix. Porn can be a stress reliever - and lying about it is still just dishonest, and a violation of the marriage. I'm not buying his story either.

That's my off the cuff opinion, given the info you've shared.

In any case, you need to get some help and support for you and your daughter. Living with untreated/uncontrolled PTSD is no joke. Are you living on or near a base?