Relationship Need Help Plz

[ajk1990]

So I have a best friend with combat PTSD. He is my inspiration to be a better person. He is so strong and so brave. I watched him grow as a person over the last 6 months he is a true inspiration to continue to push through even when it feels like I really have lost it all. Well the last time we hung out it seems we talked about it all. From the loss of my child to that I over think things to him seeing people that aren't there and his nightmares and some small things in combat he had seen and done. Well we r the kind of friends that I can litterly lay in his arms and know he won't hurt me or do anything I don't want him to do. Well things got a lil hot n I shut him down bc I want him to respect me n not see me as a piece of ass. Well today out of the blue he told me he was cutting his ties with everyone not in the military and including myself. This is not the first time but I haven't talked to him all day and I miss him. What should I do I don't want to lose him but I don't want to seem desperate. What do I do?

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I guess my question to you is why you think he would just see you as a piece of ass even though he has gotten to know you so well and is one of your best friends? Isn't that how a lot of great relationships start out? I mean the best of friends can turn into the best of relationships, right?

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am so sorry, let him go his own way until he figures it all out. Hugs.

 

[ajk1990]

Your so right solara and bc he told me that night when I said all I wanted to do was make him happy he said to me that the only ppl that make him happy is his children. I just let it roll off my shoulders bc he just got done talking about some serious stuff... N I felt that way bc he has a habit of pushing me away for a while n then coming back it hurts so badly that I litterly can't move on he is always on my mind. The part that messes me up we just spent the whole night together three nights ago n I played hard to get n he told me he still had a great night now he won't speak to me n has pushed me away :( I feel stupid now

 

[Dee Morris]

It sounds like he spent 6 months getting to know you, reached out because he wanted something more and felt like he needed to move on after you shut him down and relegated him to the friend zone. Give him some time. He may or may not come back but in the meantime, you need to decide what you want from him. A man doesn't generally spend that much time being a "best friend" just to get laid so I can see how his feelings would be hurt. At the same time, I can see how he would feel like he needed to spend some time trying to figure out how to cope and having you around is a distraction from his healing. Don't take it personally or be too hard on yourself. I have a tendency to put up some huge walls myself. It's easy to do. Easier than being vulnerable anyway.

 

[Friday]

Playing games with combat vets is risky.

 

[risingsun]

he has a habit of pushing me away for a while n then coming back

If I have this wrong, feel free to disregard or correct me as I don't quite know all the details of your relations with this man.

If he keeps pushing you away and then coming back, you may need to figure out if this is the kind of friendship you want/need right now. It sounds like that must be pretty tough to deal with emotionally, going back and forth like that?

I agree with Dee. It might be a good time to do some soul searching and figure out what it is you want. It sounds like you want to be friends whereas he wants to be lovers. If that is the case, I'm not so sure then if it would work out because he will always want more. But then again, if he can accept where you stand and stand with you anyhow then it could be a lifelong friendship. Maybe that would be a great conversation, Honesty regarding what you want and what he wants. If he can accept that and move into the lifelong, best friend zone (which you seem to want), then maybe he will shift his thinking and behavior and it won't go to that level that you do not seem to want.

Best of Luck to You. If he is meant to be in your life, then things will get better. I have learned that. Just give him Time.

Sometimes, I have fought to keep people in my life that were not supposed to be. Maybe they served a purpose for a season and now that season is over. I have also had people return back into my life after a bit of a separation that were, in fact, supposed to be in my world. Then, I have had people stay that were always supposed to stay. Trust in the Universe. It will all work out. You will see. Keep the Faith. Best of Luck to you, Rising Sun.

 

[Sighs]

Pushing people away is very common with combat PTSD. As is feeling frustrated with those from non-military backgrounds (because we don't and can't fully understand.) Your friend's decision may have nothing to do with you "shutting him down".

Having said that, it does sound like you are dealing with your own issues. No offence, but it sounds to me like he is not in a position to support you emotionally and you are not in a position to support him emotionally. Perhaps better for both of you if you have some distance between you right now.