Need Some Advice...

[FauxLiz]

I am trying to figure out if this is something I should discuss with my T. My grandmother passed away early last week and I had to return to my home town and my family of origin. I was completely stressed out and trying to keep things together was difficult. While I was gone I was randomly searching for people on Facebook and my T there. His page was basically locked down, just showed his profile and cover photos without access to any other information which is how I would expect it to be and also how I secure my own account. Because I was so stressed out I kept returning to his page to use his photo to help me calm down when things got really bad.

So the advice I am looking input on is whether I should tell my T that I found his page and if I do tell him do I also tell him that I used his photo to calm myself while I was gone?

 

[Beaglefan61]

That is tricky. You do not want your T to feel invaded so while wanting to be up front if afraid of reaction, i can see how it would be tough. Facebook pages existing and looking one up i do not see as an invasion of privacy as there are different privacy options. His putting a picture there is his choice as that is also an option. Given he has other clients i am sure it has come to mind that his clients may look in. You did seem to need to feel the sense of connection to him for a sense of comfort. That is very understandable. Do you feel like you need to talk to him about how seeing his picture was for you? If it would get in the way of openness, then it may be wise to given he has his Facebook settings on private. If it would cause more damage than not by it not meaning so much to talk about and the possible consequence being worse than the need, i could see how you'd be scared. You did need the comfort of feeling that connection. To me that is very human. You did not invade his privacy. That is what Facebook settings are for. If I can understand that, why wouldn't your therapist? Just a question. I hope you will not cause yourself too much grief given some of those things to keep in mind. If too much grief is caused to you about bringing it up, it may cause you misery your therapist would not want you to suffer (and that certainly you don't want to suffer).

 

[Freedomfighter]

Not sure I understand that, you are a patient of the therapist, you are paying that person to take care of your mental health. You can or you can not share that discovery, that is your prerogative.
As a patient you have a business relationship with that therapist so if the page you found disturbs you and might give you problems when you see the therapist in person then you might want to discuss it.

I don't think that a therapist would think in such terms, because the healthcare field is full of patients and doctors, besides if you already know that therapist and you talk to him in sessions, then why would it be wrong to view a picture of his website? You are already his patient and you are communicating with this therapist in person. I really do not see how that would be a problem since you are a patient of his and already are talking to this therapist anyways.

Unless there might be some underlying issues, perhaps the fear of relying on that therapist too much, perhaps the fear of personal feelings or fears that might creep up. Perhaps of trauma that might make the patient react to the therapist in unknown ways.

You are uncomfortable viewing the picture of that therapist even though you already see that person in therapy and communication is occurring between you and that therapist.

I would say if you continue to see and talk to this therapist, and after a view weeks the discovery of that other information you found online still troubles you then you might want to address it with him: since then it would mean that something is bothering you. If you are afraid of bringing it up with that therapist there may be some underlying issues that could interfere with a healthy patient/ therapist agreement.

 

[Sandstone]

I think he would take this as a sign that therapy is working. You are showing that you know he is solid and reliable, which is where you need to be to make progress. In that light, I don't think it matters whether you tell him or not.

 

[Friday]

Why wouldn't you tell him?

Not that I can't think of a lot of reasons why you might not, but your actual reasons will be a lot more telling.

 

[FauxLiz]

@Friday The reasons for not telling range from feeling like what I did crossed a line to being terrified that he would believe that this was a deal breaker. We have addressed the issue of transference and erotic transference on my side previously. I am confident that he knows as we have discussed at length that neither one of us wants to cross that boundary. At the same time I am concerned that he will feel that I did cross that line. I know he is married and has children as his organizations website has a video of him doing an interview when the practice first opened and he mentions them there. I have never and do not intend to try and find them on the internet as that I know would be crossing a line.

@Sandstone I would really like him to think it is a sign that things are working in therapy because they really are. I just struggle with appearing too needy. I already have permission to email or text him if things get bad and I need to talk, I am just afraid he will see this as having gone too far.

 

[NightSky]

I don't think you have crossed any lines whatsoever. I tend to agree that it's a good thing and speaks to the comfort and strength that the relationship brings you. The internet is public. Anything your T puts online is fair game and I highly doubt he has not considered this when posting.
The only reason I can even imagine you needing to bring it up is so that you can hear him tell you it's ok so you don't feel ashamed.

 

[FauxLiz]

@NightSky I think you have identified for me the actual issue here. I am ashamed and feel guilty about looking him up and using it as a crutch. I also think that I have an issue with understanding how to manage the client-therapist relationship. I struggle with trusting him.

 

[NightSky]

I struggle with that as well. I imagine many of us do. It's hard to feel dependent on someone. And somehow we are supposed to feel that in order for the therapeutic relationship to rewire our brains. It's all attachment stuff and it's hard to navigate. That's why it's up to the T to set and hold boundaries. And I find it helpful to periodically talk about my attachment to my T, with her. I haven't figured it out yet as I'm very much still in the push and pull phase where I feel like I "need" her yet I stay very guarded. I just keep talking to her about it hoping in time it will feel less shameful.
I don't believe the picture was a "crutch" for you. I believe it was a reminder of a relationship in which you feel safe and supported and you needed to feel those things at that time. And that's so understandable and normal.

 

[kilted]

It's part of several types of therapy that clients are encouraged to carry their therapist in their mind as a support in times of stress...... so that the positivity and safety of the therapeutic relationship can be used outside the therapy room. Getting support from looking at the therapists facebook page is doing this in a more explicit way.

If your therapist is a good humanistic/relational therapist then telling them what happened, particularly your feelings of conflict around telling him, is likely to be positive, because it is part of the "relationship" that is a significant part of the healing process.