Need Some Guidance

[PTSDfree]

Let's just say I'm 16, in my second year of highschool, and my dad wants me to drop out. He's sick of paying for my homeschool program and wants me to just get a job or get married when I'm 18. He wants me out as soon as possible.

I looked up the laws here and I cannot legally drop out until I am 17 in my state. He does not care. He says that if I do not finish my second year by May, he will force to drop out anyway. He really wants me to start college early and do dual credit. He wants me to drop out because I have achieved neither of these things and I have been struggling with flashbacks and nightmares lately and fallen about three months behind. He brings up my mom almost everyday and I just don't want to think about it anymore. It doesn't help to talk about it when I don't want to. I ask him not to and he says I need to get over it because he had to put up with her too. Except I'm pretty sure he was a 230lb man, not a defenseless child half her size. :whistling: I was regularly beaten by her over B+'s. There was times where I was left in her wooden chest only to piss all over myself for two days straight or with a gun to my head. (She killed herself two years ago.) I think it makes sense why I would be nervous about school and why it doesn't help to bring her up at inappropriate times.

I have a 4.0 GPA and want an education. It's a miracle that I'm not failing school right now under this much pressure.

He says that it would be a waste for me to go see a therapist. I tried seeing one about two years ago and she was real nasty and I'm pretty sure my dad and I could sue her for malpractice if we wanted to. I saw another one recently, but it was only my first visit and I got really nervous because I was remembering the lady that I saw few years ago and I didn't want that kind of situation to happen again. I managed to at least talk a little bit and explain my situation.

Any advice? I'm considering getting a GED and taking the HESI A2 (or TEAS) exam and going to nursing school if this doesn't work out. My state allows you to take the GED if you're 16 and have a waiver, so no problem there. My dad wants me to make twice as much as him and become a doctor on top of the other things I've mentioned, but I just think that's too much at this point. Most doctors don't even make as much as him anyway. :banghead:

 

[mary1979]

My advice?
Probably not the most practical, but I've lived it and it can work.


Get out.
Your father sounds like a knob, how could anyone not have sympathy for the dreadful things you have faced in your short time on this earth?
I wanted to cry reading all that and i don't even know you.


Reach out to a crisis support help line, counselor or anyone in a position to recognise the danger you are in there.

He has emotionally abandoned you, his behaviour is also abuse.

I don't know what the laws are like where you are but there should be systems in place to help you get out and be independent, or perhaps there is another family member that can help you?

Honey, you NEED your education, and you need to feel safe and supported

Thinking of you :(

 

[rightkindofme]

Get out. Get your education. Your dad doesn't know what you need.

I'm so sorry. :(

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I have a 4.0 GPA and want an education. It's a miracle that I'm not failing school right now under this much pressure.

You sound so much like me at your age, I LOVED school, still do and self teach everything I can.

I cant come from a "my parent wants me to drop out" as mine wanted as much "normal" view from the outside as possible but i can come from a place of horrid things happening and graduating anyway.

Im pretty sure that you dont have to drop out if you dont want to. Now i get thats a lot, on top of what happened with your mom and im so sorry to hear what happened :hug: and your dad couldnt make it worse if he wanted to.

What i did to get through im not sure if recommend. I stuffed it all down and pretended it wasnt happening but its not a good way to go cuz you end up an old almost 35 yr old struggling.

Also the high school cop, im pretty sure, knew something very bad and criminal was happening at my house but i refused to admit to it and he couldnt start an investigation when theres nothing apparent to investigate, but he forced me into the school counselor once and there was this lady, i had no clue what to think of her, and she said she was part of voluteer therapists that talked to kids, didnt need parental approval, about anything for free. I didnt take her up on it, was absolutly terrified to, but have you talked to your school guidance counselor about your dad trying to force you to drop out but you dont want to? Or even a trusted teacher or the principal. They can help with ways to keep yourself in and lessen the stress load.

As for therapy, i would maybe go to the school counselor, a pastoral counslor at a church, a lot of churches have free counsling. If you want to talk to a therapist and want to go behind your dad, there are ways to, ways probably more today then when i was 16 to gain help as a teenager with teen suicide on the incline.

Anyway, im sorry that you had to go through what you did and have to deal with what you are now! I can relate! :hug:

 

[Recovery4Me]

Are you capable of completing the course by May (as he wishes)? I ask because it is keeping with the status quo and you will have your schooling at that stage completed. I finished in a similar manner and if you are carrying a 4.0 it may be doable.

Another plan... can you transition into a public school? Avoids the cost factor and gets you into main stream where you can network your future and have support in place. Guidance personnel can assist with the legalities in your state.

Question...are you of a religious sector that will culturally expect you to be married at 18?

However, just leaving is not an answer as you need to be emancipated legally first. There are steps that need to be taken. Perhaps consider talking to someone in the Juvenile Justice and Child Protection Services about intake.

Be proactive not reactive...it will take a lot of courage. My Mom tried to marry me off around your age as well. One step at a time.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Get out.

Get out. Get your education.

'Getting out' maybe be very much wanted and needed but its not as easy as some would think being 16.

Child labor laws prohibit a livable wage. Emancipation, depending on the State, isnt even very easy, which opens the legal doors of a full time livable wage.

Now living with another family member, is that doable?

I do agree that dad is toxic but i also know the struggle of being stuck, underage, and not being able to 'get out' of that toxic enviroment.

Obviously i could of if i told someone and showed them the evidence but that thought so terrified me that i thought of a worse way above telling.

I managed to stay in the toxic (my therapist says "horrible") enviroment and still get through school. I have no idea how other than stuffing it down but thats not good to do.

I just wanted to add that 'getting out' isnt as practical or easy as some may think. Emotional abuse isnt even reportable in most States. And finding that "evidence" in ones that are reportable is impossible most times.

Its sad but the truth of our country.

 

[Powder]

What anyone else wants of you needs to be the last thing that matters to you now.

From what you described, you were constantly being told not to think for yourself and to do what someone else wanted, or face abuse. The whole thing is abusive, the totalitarian rule as well as the obvious acts that were abusive themselves.

Your intelligence is a threat to such people.

Getting an academic education will be of use to you, but not as much as obtaining a re-education in emotional intelligence, of which your family deprived you. Only you can seek out the correct and balancing opportunities to bring your life into a state that is harmonious to you.

I'm sad to hear about all that has happened to you. You're strong and have gone through so much. You will find the right path, giving yourself time to take it one step at a time. You should be allowed to make mistakes and learn from them. A B+ is not a mistake, it's a passing grade.

Do you have a therapist or a counselor or go to person of support?

 

[lostforgottensoul]

You should be allowed to make mistakes and learn from them. A B+ is not a mistake, it's a passing grade.

OMG DO I AGREE WITH THIS!

I also had to get all As, i graduated with a 3.5 GPA but if i got a B or even a B+ on anything, i was punished. I had to look normal.

Now in my mid 30s, i do not allow for human error, at all, in any way.

Learn that its ok to make errors, its even ok to fail a test as long as you learn from it and do better next time, learn that at 16 and you are way ahead and dont have to try to learn that mistakes are ok as an adult, or arent as far behind in that area as i am.

 

[Biz]

I rarely give 'advice', but I'm going to be pretty specific to your post. I work with young people who either dropped out or face major barriers such as homelessness, criminal backgrounds, disabilities, etc. And your dad sounds like a major stressor.

GED works, use the waiver since your dad will authorize it. Then, apply to a college where you can live on campus. Lots of state schools or community colleges don't care if you have your GED. Your grades will likely get you some academic scholarship support. You can use the therapy services offered through the school. Consider majoring in something that is job-specific like computer science, accounting, business, nursing, etc. Consider ROTC to pay for school if it makes sense for you.

Good luck.

 

[J.N.]

I managed to stay in the toxic (my therapist says "horrible") enviroment and still get through school. I have no idea how other than stuffing it down but thats not good to do.

I just wanted to add that 'getting out' isnt as practical or easy as some may think.

As soon as I learned how to use the bus and drive my own car I made good use of it. I spent a lot of my evenings in late-night Starbucks, tea/coffee shops, and libraries to only return home to sleep, eat, and shower-nothing else. I'm not sure how your living situation is, but this is the alternative you can take while you're still living under your circumstances.

I had gotten married at 19, similar to what your dad is thinking, and was married to a marine. We stayed married up until I finished my undergrad studies and he was out of the service, so we divorced when I was 23. Although having a partner helped a lot in the financial part of living, he cheated on me and it took me a bit of time to rebuild my self-esteem from that. It wasn't worth it in the end.

 

[mintchocolate]

I am so so sorry..... My parents were also not supportive of education after high school, but I went out with a loan and scholarship, I basically applied everywhere that would provide me with a loan and scholarship. And I went with the one university that did provide me that. It took me 2 years after high school though. My parents didn't even celebrate my college graduation, but that is okay with me nowadays. It's my life and if they can not celebrate with me, that's their problem, not mine. Do things for yourself and for your life. I mean even though you end up with high salary job, the money isn't going to go to your father, right? Why he is even concerned about that? Just to make himself happy and to make himself feel like he has some authority over your future.

 

[rightkindofme]

I didn't mean to sound like I thought getting out was instant or easy. It isn't. But it is sometimes what some of us have to do because there is no good to be had in staying.