I know some of what you are going through. I didn't serve in the military or war but I got my PTSD from a traumatic experience where I was terrified that a man was going to kill me. I'm one of those people who was afraid to sleep in their own bed so I'm very grateful to veterans. =) I am having relationship problems too, and yesterday my husband announced he is done unless I commit to the relationship right now, which I just feel too much emotional hurt and pain to do so. He has his own problem with addiction and with our powers combined there is just too much crap for one marriage and he cannot handle my PTSD on the top of his stuff. A few months ago, I found out he acted out and him and the therapist decided not to tell me which I was hurt and angered about because it just brought the past up and everything I have gone through with him and it was hell. Then I just went numb and disassociated and was like I don't care what you do. And he took that to mean I didn't care about him. Since then we haven't really had a relationship and it has just been me and him. When he told me it was over, I was crying, but then there was the sense of relief. I'm still trying to get honest with myself about what I want out of life and who I am since I spent the majority of my life up to this point coping with what happened to me since my brain shut off twice and blocked stuff out. I feel like just want to work on my crap for a while and not have to worry about having a relationship with another person. Anyway back to you, I'm sorry you are going through this. It is hard to be emotional close to someone. Also when someone blames you for the problems in the relationship like it sounds like your wife is doing? I actually wonder if maybe with her depression, she doesn't have PTSD too or something traumatic that happened to her that she hasn't dealt with because why if she feels that way is she still with you? I hope that doesn't offend you. It's just when you were talking about your wife, she reminded me of myself. For years I hid behind my husband's stuff, and was like "You are the one with the problem." I even went through this codependent program with him and the therapist and everyone kept saying to me, why are you so unwilling to look at yourself? Because there's nothing to look at! I kept saying. The only reason I thought I was with him was because he lied and pretended he was a different guy and I married him and marriage was a big thing for me and of course I wanted it to work. But no.. The truth was I had PTSD and it went undiagnosed for years and I was unwilling to look at what happened to me because it was so frightening and sick and I was at the mercy of crazy person. I just wanted to lie to myself that nothing had happened to me, and I wanted to put up with my husband's crap because he controlled my life and geez it was safe! I didn't have to actually go out in the world and deal with life. I could just let someone take care of me and pretend pretend games with myself. Sheesh. This is getting long. I don't know if it helped you in anyway or not, but something to think about I guess. Best of luck.
