Needing Opinions - Does Anyone Else Do This?

[Deleted member 31998]

Long story short, there was a really messed up guy who liked me. I turned him down which resulted in him calling me nothing short of appalling names that no one else have ever called me before. He claims to be in love with me/obsessed and even obtained my number somehow.

Now he is stating that I am mean and vindictive. Whenever someone insults me or does something to really hurt me/make me feel unsafe, I get very guarded. It almost brings out someone who isn't me; a person who has no emotional attachment to the person. I feel as if this person is very manipulative, although lately I notice this person seems to try and not insult me, but if I do NOT do what they want they instantly go to name calling and being aggressive.

Am I truly a bad person? I have cut them off entirely while I try to consistently find ways to eliminate such figures of negativity out of my life. Anything that reminds me of manipulation or some sort of aggression makes me cut it/the person out immediately. Am I vindictive for reflecting to the person how they are towards me? When I say the truth of how they make me feel, they get very upset.

Lastly, does anyone else deal with this? I feel there is still quite a lack of understanding from outsiders towards the PTSD community.

 

[Deleted member 28740]

I find with PTSD that I don't have energy to care about yucky people. Much more to work on. Why do you care what they think?

 

[Friday]

When an asshole calls me names & looks down on me? I take it as a compliment. Also, bullet dodged.

 

[Deleted member 31998]

Fair enough. I guess it's just when people think I'm a certain way, but that proves they don't matter :)

 

[Deleted member 31998]

"Why" is a word I never start any question with, as school did teach me the undertones of the meaning.

 

[shimmerz]

in love with me/obsessed

In love and obsessed are absolutely not the same things. Obsession comes from a place of sickness.

Whenever someone insults me or does something to really hurt me/make me feel unsafe, I get very guarded.

Consider this a great thing. Took me 5-6 years of counseling before I could even think about doing this myself. That is a healthy reaction to a person who is spewing toxicity at you.

I notice this person seems to try and not insult me, but if I do NOT do what they want they instantly go to name calling and being aggressive.

Red flag. Litmus test for people nowadays that I have used? Say NO and stand back - immediate and toxic responses show those who are not healthy for me to hang out with.

Am I truly a bad person?

No.

I have cut them off entirely while I try to consistently find ways to eliminate such figures of negativity out of my life.

Yes. Welcome to the 'I am getting healthy and learning how to make healthy relationship choices club'. It is a lonely place throughout the adjustment period

Am I vindictive for reflecting to the person how they are towards me?

No. But with these types you are most likely just wasting your breath and good energy that can be used for healing.

Lastly, does anyone else deal with this?

Absolutely. Without a question or a doubt. Yes.

 

[seedling]

ditto what @shimmerz said.

Maybe what is brought out in you is a protective coping method. In parts therapy this would be a guardian/protector part of yourself that cuts off the emotions towards someone when it(you) senses danger. A way that you learned to be that protects the more vulnerable parts of yourself that have tender feelings to hurt.
I think you can be glad to have this protective reaction.

 

[Deleted member 31998]

Well, he did say previously that he does not know why he is obsessed. On the flip side, I feel multitudes better knowing that I don't have to hear, see or deal with it any longer. Thank you everyone for all the support!

 

[RussH]

It sounds like, to me, that he is a potential stalker and most likely has a abuser personality. I would stay as far away from him as you can. And no you are not a bad person to to cut people like this out of your life.

 

[seedling]

Yep, sounds like a narcissist type. You can read up on that on line and see if his behavior fits. The big come on about how great you are/how much he cares then, later, you are dirt or can't be good enough.