Supporter New And Out The Loop

[lisa1979]

Hi, I am a supporter of a sufferer who was diagnosed in January. He has actually been a sufferer for 20 years after being sexually abused as a teenager. I have been with him for 6 years.
We realised he was a cocaine addict in 2012 when things hit an all time low...his dad died in 2010 and he had progressively got worse. He got some help and he did well for the next year. He is back on it again and is due to go away for intense 6 month rehab very soon.
My main problem is that I have no idea what I'm doing. I never seem to say the right thing and he is always angry and impatient with me like I just irritate him....I love him completely...but am I the right one for him? Am I just making it worse or is this normal? I sometimes feel he is here for our kids and not me...is this normal for a supporter to feel so bloody useless, clueless, out of my depth and like I'm not the one he needs.

 

[Namenotdiagnosis]

Hi Lisa . I'm r sorry to hear what u going through but really well done in being a supporter. It's not easy, it's v v hard. All the moods you have just described is pretty normal for a sufferer, as a sufferer myself that is typically wat my husband goes through on a daily basis as my supporter. However being on this forum has really helped me the support I have been given here is fantastic, so I think your definitely at the right place to receive support. Would you partner consider coming on here to have some support its just s great place to offload and none judges you?

 

[lisa1979]

I will ask him. He goes to counselling and has a key worker etc...and he talks to friends too...he might consider it though. My family and friends dont really know too much because they wouldnt really uunderstand because of the drugs and I dont want them to have a negative opinion of him...so I have kept most of it to myself which is why I've come here. Thank you so much for your response, think I just needed a little reassurance xx

 

[Namenotdiagnosis]

Without sounding negative the drugs unfortunately aren't gonna help but then I used alcohol for years to mask my issues, hopefully he will choose the right time to come of them but it's got to be his descision no one else's because he's probably fed up with people trying to control him. I've been a sufferer for 15 years and have had every treatment and therapy going but I have finally accepted its part of my life. I have good days and some really horrendous days but I plod along . Had he had any therapy? Have you spoken to him about how you feel? It might help if your really open with him if you haven't done so already because he probably won't realise how upset you are and its bothering you .thats what we did and I was really upset because I never knew that it was really affecting my husband and what extent .

 

[lisa1979]

He hasnt had any intense therapy but if he is having a bad day he wont go to sessions....I try to tell him thats when he needs to go but he just says I dont understand. He is going away into a 6 month rehab when they have a bed available and I think that will do him good as they will concentrate on all his issues and bad day or not, he cant avoid the therapy.
I try to tell him how I feel but he deals very badly with guilt...he blames himself for a hell of a lot ans when he knows he has hurt someone he loves he feels an intense guilt. Its almost selfish, like when I have a problem it becomes his problem more than mine so I try not to lay too much on him. He just has such little patience and no matter how bad he feels about his behaviour...when he is in a bad mood or has no patience, there is no talking to him

 

[intothelight]

@lisa1979 Welcome to the forum!

Having a spouse with PTSD pull away is fairly common although extremely painful. There is an entire section for Supporters that you may find helpful and you will also find some support for yourself among members who may be dealing with similar situations.

 

[lisa1979]

Thank you! I appreciate it xx

 

[Friday]

Welcome to the forums :)

Is the treatment program dual-diagnosis? (Addiction + Mental Health diagnosis)

 

[lisa1979]

Yeah its both. All the members are people who are addicts with ptsd. The rehab he is going to is a rehab for addicts but they have said he will have a key worker who can focus on his ptsd as well as his addiction x

 

[Namenotdiagnosis]

Let's hope a place comes available soon to allow you both to feel so much better. Rooting for you both , it's going to be very hard but well worth it I'm sure .

 

[lisa1979]

Thank you so much!!!

 

[Nighthawk]

Hi and welcome :)