I have dealt with PTSD for a long time from several traumas throughout my life. My T has recently said she wants to do parts work with me. She encouraged me to purchase Coping With Trauma-Related Dissociation. I got the book and have read through a couple of chapters. There is definitely a lot that I can relate to. I am feeling confused about what this means. My understanding is that PTSD is a spectrum that goes from PTSD to DID. Is that correct? I am learning that I am further along the spectrum that I thought. This is both upsetting and a relief because it means that I can get the correct support. Due to a huge trigger that occurred a month ago and basically brought back ALL of my past traumas, I had to take a leave from work. Here are some of my questions:
Is it possible to have parts that I am aware of only when I am stressed?
What is the difference between having a part and the inner child?
I feel like I have "gotten lost" in myself since I had a trauma happend as a teenanger. I basically stare into space, sometimes lost in flashbacks, sometimes just feeling numb.
I felt like I was both inside me and outside, coaching me about what to do at the same time when my daughter disclosed a trauma she had gone through. That triggered extreme PTSD for a few years until I found my current T who helped me feel happy and "normal" for the first time in my life.
I became aware of a child part a couple of years ago from doing inner child work in therapy. Through EMDR, I rescued her and helped her feel like she wasn't alone. I haven't felt her for a long time. These feelings have come back due to the triggering incident and I can feel her again. She is part of me but not me. When I visualize her she has blond hair, mine is dark. She feels sad and alone. I feel sad and alone sometimes, but I can feel her sad and alone feelings separate from mine. I bought her a teddy bear that she hugs and sleeps with sometimes. Lately, I sleep with the bear when I cant feel her just in case she needs some comfort. Before I took my leave from work, she wanted to stay home and hug the bear, but I told her that she could hug it now and then had to put it away until later because I had to go to work. That day, I felt her again at work. I was walking down the hall and everyone else was busy. She was feeling abandoned and alone. I also felt her the other day when I went to the dollar store to buy myself a workbook. My husband kept suggesting notebooks that were small because they had nice covers, but I wanted one that was bigger. Then she saw a small, fuzzy pink book with a rainbow on it. When I picked up the book, she hugged it and loved that it was so soft. She actually spoke to my husband and said "I want it." She had never spoken before. I bought that book even though it wasn't what I wanted because I wanted to make her happy. I haven't felt her since then.
I felt another child. Or maybe it was her. I don't know. This was after the triggering incident but before I felt her sadness. I was at the hospital for a severe migraine. I also have a brain disorder (fluid doesn't drain properly from my brain and it causes high pressure) , so the doctor wanted a CT. I felt the child when the porter was taking me to get the CT done. He was wheeling me really fast and it was a lot of fun. I had a huge smile on my face and I felt like I was not myself, but a child. I have also suddenly started to feel scared. I have loved thunderstorms for as long as I can remember. We had a storm last week and I felt scared. I was like a child being scared, but I could not feel the child. I don't know if this is the same child or not. There was one day that mys husband said something in a weird growly voice when driving. He was complaining about another driver not turning. His voice frightened me, and I felt like myself but it isn't something that would normally scare me.
I also have a teenage self that I don't like. She is very argumentative and picks silly fights with my husband. This has only happened a few times, and not for a few years. I was aware of her but unable to stop her/myself from being so difficult.
The other thing I have experienced was very bizarre to me. I was driving home after a very stressful day at work, again after the triggering incident. I was looking forward to going home to eat some pistachios for a snack. I started talking in a really weird voice. It was me but I could not control it. I don't do impressions. I have never been able to. The voice kept repeating "nut snack" then said "I'm nutty for nut snack" and then had this weird cackle type of laugh. I had two thoughts at the time. 1. I had gone totally insane. 2. I was impressed that I could make my voice do that. I thought that maybe I was able to do impressions but didnt know it.
Do these incidents relate to typical PTSD? Where are they on the spectrum? I don't exactly know what this means. I want to explore it, but I am afraid to at the same time. I appreciate any insights you may have.
Is it possible to have parts that I am aware of only when I am stressed?
What is the difference between having a part and the inner child?
I feel like I have "gotten lost" in myself since I had a trauma happend as a teenanger. I basically stare into space, sometimes lost in flashbacks, sometimes just feeling numb.
I felt like I was both inside me and outside, coaching me about what to do at the same time when my daughter disclosed a trauma she had gone through. That triggered extreme PTSD for a few years until I found my current T who helped me feel happy and "normal" for the first time in my life.
I became aware of a child part a couple of years ago from doing inner child work in therapy. Through EMDR, I rescued her and helped her feel like she wasn't alone. I haven't felt her for a long time. These feelings have come back due to the triggering incident and I can feel her again. She is part of me but not me. When I visualize her she has blond hair, mine is dark. She feels sad and alone. I feel sad and alone sometimes, but I can feel her sad and alone feelings separate from mine. I bought her a teddy bear that she hugs and sleeps with sometimes. Lately, I sleep with the bear when I cant feel her just in case she needs some comfort. Before I took my leave from work, she wanted to stay home and hug the bear, but I told her that she could hug it now and then had to put it away until later because I had to go to work. That day, I felt her again at work. I was walking down the hall and everyone else was busy. She was feeling abandoned and alone. I also felt her the other day when I went to the dollar store to buy myself a workbook. My husband kept suggesting notebooks that were small because they had nice covers, but I wanted one that was bigger. Then she saw a small, fuzzy pink book with a rainbow on it. When I picked up the book, she hugged it and loved that it was so soft. She actually spoke to my husband and said "I want it." She had never spoken before. I bought that book even though it wasn't what I wanted because I wanted to make her happy. I haven't felt her since then.
I felt another child. Or maybe it was her. I don't know. This was after the triggering incident but before I felt her sadness. I was at the hospital for a severe migraine. I also have a brain disorder (fluid doesn't drain properly from my brain and it causes high pressure) , so the doctor wanted a CT. I felt the child when the porter was taking me to get the CT done. He was wheeling me really fast and it was a lot of fun. I had a huge smile on my face and I felt like I was not myself, but a child. I have also suddenly started to feel scared. I have loved thunderstorms for as long as I can remember. We had a storm last week and I felt scared. I was like a child being scared, but I could not feel the child. I don't know if this is the same child or not. There was one day that mys husband said something in a weird growly voice when driving. He was complaining about another driver not turning. His voice frightened me, and I felt like myself but it isn't something that would normally scare me.
I also have a teenage self that I don't like. She is very argumentative and picks silly fights with my husband. This has only happened a few times, and not for a few years. I was aware of her but unable to stop her/myself from being so difficult.
The other thing I have experienced was very bizarre to me. I was driving home after a very stressful day at work, again after the triggering incident. I was looking forward to going home to eat some pistachios for a snack. I started talking in a really weird voice. It was me but I could not control it. I don't do impressions. I have never been able to. The voice kept repeating "nut snack" then said "I'm nutty for nut snack" and then had this weird cackle type of laugh. I had two thoughts at the time. 1. I had gone totally insane. 2. I was impressed that I could make my voice do that. I thought that maybe I was able to do impressions but didnt know it.
Do these incidents relate to typical PTSD? Where are they on the spectrum? I don't exactly know what this means. I want to explore it, but I am afraid to at the same time. I appreciate any insights you may have.