General New-ish To This And Not Sure How To Help My Iraq War Vet!

[Dezarae]

I grew up an Army brat and my dad was deployed a few times, so I vaguely knew what to expect once I started dating my boyfriend, but it has been years so I can't remember everything about how to help.

He was completely fine during the summer, when it was warm and we were able to get out and do things to keep his mind busy. He had a couple of flashbacks, one really bad one on the 4th of July, but now that it's cold and we spend most of our time inside, it's getting harder to keep his mind busy and he seems to be getting worse.

He's having nightmares and flashbacks more often now, often losing sleep and having to throw up from them. One nightmare got so bad, I woke up with an imaginary gun pointed at the back of my head and him yelling at me in Arabic.

He's starting to get more and more edgy, more and more irritated every day. He picks silly fights and blames it on me, he's becoming forgetful. If he calls me and I don't answer, for whatever reason, he'll call back until I do answer or until he gets super irritated and leaves me a very worried sounding voice mail explaining how not answering my phone is not like me and that I need to call him back as soon as I can. He'll get mad at me for going out with my coworkers without him, he'll get mad when my guy friends call me beautiful but then get even more mad when I point out that his female friends call him stud and regularly blow his phone up at all hours of the night. It seems as though he's doing whatever he can to keep me at arms length or even push me away.

He refuses to admit that anything is wrong and that if there is something wrong, he can handle it on his own.

He will not go get help, no matter how I ask him. I even told him my Dad would be more than happy to talk to him because he was in the same war, as well as one other, and is also dealing with PTSD.

The only one I've been able to talk to about any of this is my step mother. She is the one who suggested I find a support group or a forum of people dealing with the same things, that if he won't go get help, I should at least go get help for myself because of how demanding this kind of relationship is emotionally.

I just don't know what to do anymore.

 

[myvetswife]

Welcome Dezarae. If you come down the supporters section you will find a lot questions answered.

You are not alone!

 

[Dallas]

He will not go get help, no matter how I ask him.

You can't force him to get help. It sounds like a very chaotic environment you are living in and only getting worse. I would hate to see things escalate, it could be dangerous for both of you. Is there any way you can move in with your parents or a friend until he decides to get help? The way things are now, it is not healthy for either one of you. At least if you separate from him until he decides to get help, you may be able to find some peace and stability in your own life.

Sincerely,
Dallas.

 

[Dezarae]

Dallas:

I did move in with some friends and cut back the amount of time I spend with him. I only see him one or two nights a week now, though we talk nearly every day. I think all of his symptoms are worse right now because it's winter and he's cooped up inside with no real way to keep his mind off of everything. It was never this bad when it wasn't cold outside. I've stopped asking him to get help, but its frustrating that he doesn't realize what I'm going through just as much as I don't understand what he's going through. It helps a lot being able to talk to my step mom about it since she's going through the same thing with my dad.

Dezarae

 

[Dezarae]

Welcome Dezarae. If you come down the supporters section you will find a lot questions answered.

You are not alone!

It's hard not to feel alone. Everyone I've talked to are, of course, all civilians who have never had to deal with any of the effects of a veteran's PTSD, so they all think I should leave because I shouldn't have to deal with the "crap".

 

[SRE7267]

You are in a good place here. We are all here, navigating PTSD and I have found this forum to be very helpful. By being here, I've made some great progress in learning how to communicate effectively with my guy and when he says or does (or doesn't) do something that I don't understand, I can often find people/threads to relate to here as they have gone through something similar. I've learned a lot in the past couple of months and I am sure that you will too. Just continue to remember that you need to take care of yourself first -- this can all be incredibly exhausting as you know.

All the best to you - hoping thing have eased up a little since your last post.

 

[dms]

Hello Dezarae, welcome to the world of PTSD! It hurts and I/we all understand your pain and confusion..

 

[bootz]

Thanks for the post. The weather affects is normal People too. It makes sense that the cold winter months would be more intense for our vets.

 

[Toria]

I do sympathise as in my Husband's diagniosis, the fact that he is incapable of just sitting and doing nothing is practically impossible for him. He cannot turn off his mind unless he has something to focus on.

Easier said than done I know, but can you look at some of the things you do during the summer and then try to translate them to winter? Planning trips or journeys, I don't know. Just something he can get his teeth in to.

 

[myvetswife]

Everyone I've talked to are, of course, all civilians who have never had to deal with any of the effects of a veteran's PTSD, so they all think I should leave because I shouldn't have to deal with the "crap".

so true, but there a lot of vet supporters here! We understand you and the "crap"