New Job And Advice

[Casey_03]

I've agreed to take a job as a war correspondent in Ukraine. I've already signed my resignation documents at my current job and am scheduled to leave Moscow in a couple of weeks. But now I am getting cold feet. I am due to sign more papers tomorrow that will cancel my visa, meaning once I sign them I can no longer reside in Russia legally. It's the final step and there is no going back. I am having cold feet, in part, because I will be leaving behind my ex-boyfriend, with whom I have stupidly been hoping to rekindle things for months. He has shown no real readiness to do so and so I know it's stupid to consider staying for him, but I can't shake the idea that once I sign these papers and leave, I will be throwing away any chance of us getting back together. I also fear that maybe I'm really doing this to put the final nail in the coffin. I'm confused, I can't figure out my real motivations but I know that I'm scared and having doubts. Maybe I'm also just afraid of change? Any thoughts or feedback would be greatly appreciated.

 

[StarChild]

I will be leaving behind my ex-boyfriend, with whom I have stupidly been hoping to rekindle things for months. He has shown no real readiness to do so

Hi @Casey_03, please read and re-read what you wrote. Isn't that in itself answer enough for you?

...Oops, I saw something.... - Could you please clarify for us and yourself, if you're talking about this peace of work, of an ex in particular right now?

My ex-boyfriend who held me in a room for more than six hours and tortured me after unsuccessfully trying to kill me doesn't remember doing it. He doesn't remember threatening to cut my eyes out or waterboarding me. He asked me how I could have Link Removed. He has a daughter and a wife now.

 

[Casey_03]

@TreeHugger, no, it's a different ex boyfriend in Russia with me now. I agree, I did answer my own question. It's very confusing because the pattern of our entire relationship was always him putting up barriers and trying to prevent himself from falling in love (his own words). So the break up was not along the lines of, "I don't care for you and don't want to be with you," but "I care for you too much and don't want to get hurt." That somehow makes it so much harder to walk away. And I seem to keep running into him lately and we have just started talking again. So I guess I still have this hopeless delusion that maybe he will come around. But I realize how stupid it is too wait. Complicating things, though, once I leave I may never again be able to get into Russia, which has been home to me for nearly 10 years now.

 

[darrenS]

if a grown man cannot make a clear and responsible decision , then its best you move on , indecision only leads to uncertainty and conflict

 

[Sandstone]

Is it only about the boyfriend? Or also because you know how it will probably be in Ukraine? I couldn't imagine taking on the pressures of being a war correspondent. I'm very grateful to anyone who is strong enough to do it, because they - you -are showing truth to the world.

 

[Friday]

If he wants to rekindle things... And that's your first priority... You have a shot right now.
Go to him and say you're signing these documents and will be leaving... Unless he wants to make a go of it. You understand if he doesn't, but if he does you'll stay. If he doesn't, you're moving on with your life.

If he wanted to get back together and that's not your first priority? Waiting around in limbo while you re dance a dance you'd already grown tired of? Where you are not his first priority but someone he needs to keep at arms length for his own reasons? Then, yes. You are moving on with your life. Just because moving on and not wasting your life waiting on someone who may never be ready is a good thing, it doesn't mean it's easy.

 

[scout86]

I will be throwing away any chance of us getting back together.

I'm not sure this is a useful way to look at it, but I think the only thing that's that permanent is death. One way or another, you putting your life on hold waiting for him isn't going to solve anything. Sounds like he has issues of his own to work out. He either will or he won't.

once I leave I may never again be able to get into Russia, which has been home to me for nearly 10 years now.

I'd basically give the same answer to this. From what you've said, things haven't been going all that well there. Who knows what's ahead, but it's probably not what's behind.

BUT, if you are having legitimate reservations about the job, that's another matter all together. I think deciding "I think not." is legit at any point, for good reasons. But the two reasons given here don't strike me as "good enough". JMO!

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

I also fear that maybe I'm really doing this to put the final nail in the coffin.

This is what called out most to me. I admire your dedication -I have an interest in the same topic -but you do have a somewhat fragile background (being the PTSD) and it could be a potentially dangerous situation. An aunt of mine got PTSD from helping an international organization in a war zone.

I'd say take a look at how safe it is going to be for you, and how much value do you attach to that?

 

[Freedomfighter]

I admire your dedication too, and have to say: hats off to you, having PTSD and choosing to go into a war zone. I am following the Ukraine conflict and I am appalled at the things that go on there. I am so excited to be able to talk to someone who is actually going into that war zone to report it to the rest of the world. That is way cool, will make it tough on you, increase triggers I am sure.

Just be sure you stay as safe and healthy as possible. We need to take care of our needs, and often a strong professional conviction enables us to find strength we did not even know we had.
That is the professional part, the personal part I usually try not to give advice too, because that is where people really need to make their own decisions in.

You might look at it this way: for every decision you make in your life: ask yourself: is this what I want 100 percent? If you say yes to that question then move towards that goal, if not then choose a different goal. And take one decision at a time.

Do we choose to regard our professional lives as the ones with priority? Or do we choose to live our professional lives without regard to our personal lives?
I view many many people in workplaces that live their personal lives right there, in the middle of the workplace and the results are shocking an appalling to me.