amanda3of4
New Here
Hello folks,
Today was my FIRST day at my new job and I'm a bit worried. My new job is helping take care of individuals with developmental disabilities. It's almost like being a caregiver, except I'm specifically helping those with disabilities be independent in their own homes. I REALLY want this job! I love the idea of working with people with disabilities. But then it occurred to me... I experience SEVERE dissociation, depersonalization, AND derealization. I also have severe memory problems! And what's more, the shift I've been placed in is a 24 hour shift and I will be allowed (and expected) to sleep while the client is sleeping. BUT I HAVE NIGHTMARES! I groan in my sleep almost every night like I'm in excruciating pain, it's from a mix of the nightmares and the flashbacks. I also have a nervous twitch that comes and goes. During the day it's very noticeable but nothing more than a quick twitch of the head, but when it happens at night it could be mistaken as a seizure because it becomes a full body spasm. I EVEN have certain behavioral disadvantages as well because of the trauma I experienced growing up. I don't understand relationships, or how to interact with others. I don't understand how to be part of a group, I'm constantly the outcast even among the outcasts. And I've long thought that in some instances I might actually be invisible based on how others react when I try and be part of a group! It's as if I'm not there at all! How am I supposed to help people with developmental disabilities if I half qualify for one myself?!?!?!?! Don't get me wrong, I am exaggerating. I don't have autism or down syndrome or Asperger's syndrome or any of the other disabilities that my new employer listed as qualifying conditions for this program, but I match some of the symptoms of those disorders, so there are going to be points which I can't help. I can't answer questions. I can't encourage. Am I really right for this job?!?!
And my BIGGEST question. Should I tell the employer? They seem to be much more understanding about mental disorders and they're a very relaxed work environment. But I'm still scared of being turned away if I'm upfront and honest about having CPTSD and Bipolar 2.
Today was my FIRST day at my new job and I'm a bit worried. My new job is helping take care of individuals with developmental disabilities. It's almost like being a caregiver, except I'm specifically helping those with disabilities be independent in their own homes. I REALLY want this job! I love the idea of working with people with disabilities. But then it occurred to me... I experience SEVERE dissociation, depersonalization, AND derealization. I also have severe memory problems! And what's more, the shift I've been placed in is a 24 hour shift and I will be allowed (and expected) to sleep while the client is sleeping. BUT I HAVE NIGHTMARES! I groan in my sleep almost every night like I'm in excruciating pain, it's from a mix of the nightmares and the flashbacks. I also have a nervous twitch that comes and goes. During the day it's very noticeable but nothing more than a quick twitch of the head, but when it happens at night it could be mistaken as a seizure because it becomes a full body spasm. I EVEN have certain behavioral disadvantages as well because of the trauma I experienced growing up. I don't understand relationships, or how to interact with others. I don't understand how to be part of a group, I'm constantly the outcast even among the outcasts. And I've long thought that in some instances I might actually be invisible based on how others react when I try and be part of a group! It's as if I'm not there at all! How am I supposed to help people with developmental disabilities if I half qualify for one myself?!?!?!?! Don't get me wrong, I am exaggerating. I don't have autism or down syndrome or Asperger's syndrome or any of the other disabilities that my new employer listed as qualifying conditions for this program, but I match some of the symptoms of those disorders, so there are going to be points which I can't help. I can't answer questions. I can't encourage. Am I really right for this job?!?!
And my BIGGEST question. Should I tell the employer? They seem to be much more understanding about mental disorders and they're a very relaxed work environment. But I'm still scared of being turned away if I'm upfront and honest about having CPTSD and Bipolar 2.
