Welcome, PTSD suffer!
This is a VERY safe place to come when you need to get feelings out...you can start a journal/diary and write pretty much anything you want. Maybe no one will read it but you...some might...but sometimes just getting your feelings and thoughts written down it creates a little 'order'. You can also keep track of how you are feeling day to day.
Everyone here is kind, compassionate and caring, and though we all come from different backgrounds and PTSD causes, we ALL relate to the pain, the way our symptoms are unpredictable. I find that one of the most upsetting things...symptoms coming when I'm fine or close to fine. Just know that you have a right to FEEL whatever you feel. It isn't right or wrong, feelings just ARE.
I hope that you will check out the different areas of the Forum, and find some similar stories to yours, or maybe some different ways of thinking about things. It can't hurt!
What I like about being here, it that I am supported, whether or not I am agreed with. There is SO much understanding that we are all in a different place in our healing!
Blessings of peace to you!
AKJ