This is really weird. I know. I don't want to go into details because typing it up still freaks me out. Anyways, I feel like I'm just acting sorry for myself. Of course I would never think that about someone in a similar situation, it's just hard to thing objectively about myself. This trauma was near me, I didn't see it. But I knew it was going on close to me and I was really scared and felt trapped and was positive I was in immediate danger.
It was a school related event honestly I can't type more than that because spelling it out is too freaking hard for some reason. Anyway, I wasn't even on campus when it happened. I was close by in an outdoor area when I got one of the automatic emergency calls from the college that there was a "certain type of person" roaming around the area. I was on a leave of absence from my actual college dealing with other anxiety issues, ironically enough.
I was attending a community college less than a mile from my home. And then I still had to attend my sibling's close by high school graduation that was outdoors in this huge amphitheater and the entire time there were police helicopters flying around us and sirens going off throughout the ceremony.
Anyway I become really angry with myself when I get the typical PTSD reactions (i.e. nightmares, anxiety, antisocial tendencies, irritability, etc.) I was diagnosed by my psychologists with having PTSD but I get so annoyed with myself because I know other people witnessed a lot more than I did and are reacting less or that they deserve sympathy and I just need to snap out of it because I never had to look that "certain person" in the eyes as the chaos ensued.
I don't know what the point of this rambling is. Maybe I just need validation that I'm not overreacting and am not this biggest wimp in the world and even though my case may not be as severe as some, it's so frustrating. I couldn't take an online quiz after reading a textbook because I saw an image of another "certain person" from a different college campus tragedy and I froze up. I had to hide my textbook in my closet and cried in my room for 30 minutes because of a picture of something that was a similar event but wasn't even the same one. I felt ridiculous. Luckily, this was for a psychology class so the teacher understood. I don't know what I'm getting at here.
I hope someone on this site can understand me because I can't even explain this to my parents. I have nightmares about being trapped in (not that specific situation) school events and wake up drenched in sweat and or crying a lot. It sucks. I'm afraid I'm only perpetuating this because I'm just trying to feel sorry for myself and I don't know what to do. Could this magnitude of anxiety really all just be in my head. And now I've worked myself up and am supposed to meet with my friends and I honestly can't even stand doing that anymore. I want to stay in my room and lock my door and hide. Blech
It was a school related event honestly I can't type more than that because spelling it out is too freaking hard for some reason. Anyway, I wasn't even on campus when it happened. I was close by in an outdoor area when I got one of the automatic emergency calls from the college that there was a "certain type of person" roaming around the area. I was on a leave of absence from my actual college dealing with other anxiety issues, ironically enough.
I was attending a community college less than a mile from my home. And then I still had to attend my sibling's close by high school graduation that was outdoors in this huge amphitheater and the entire time there were police helicopters flying around us and sirens going off throughout the ceremony.
Anyway I become really angry with myself when I get the typical PTSD reactions (i.e. nightmares, anxiety, antisocial tendencies, irritability, etc.) I was diagnosed by my psychologists with having PTSD but I get so annoyed with myself because I know other people witnessed a lot more than I did and are reacting less or that they deserve sympathy and I just need to snap out of it because I never had to look that "certain person" in the eyes as the chaos ensued.
I don't know what the point of this rambling is. Maybe I just need validation that I'm not overreacting and am not this biggest wimp in the world and even though my case may not be as severe as some, it's so frustrating. I couldn't take an online quiz after reading a textbook because I saw an image of another "certain person" from a different college campus tragedy and I froze up. I had to hide my textbook in my closet and cried in my room for 30 minutes because of a picture of something that was a similar event but wasn't even the same one. I felt ridiculous. Luckily, this was for a psychology class so the teacher understood. I don't know what I'm getting at here.
I hope someone on this site can understand me because I can't even explain this to my parents. I have nightmares about being trapped in (not that specific situation) school events and wake up drenched in sweat and or crying a lot. It sucks. I'm afraid I'm only perpetuating this because I'm just trying to feel sorry for myself and I don't know what to do. Could this magnitude of anxiety really all just be in my head. And now I've worked myself up and am supposed to meet with my friends and I honestly can't even stand doing that anymore. I want to stay in my room and lock my door and hide. Blech
Last edited by a moderator:
