No one can say they didn't warn me

[abbynormal1929]

Hello,

So for those who have read my posts before, this will be more of an update.

My wife and I are "Officially" but not legally separated, really meaning that we announced it on Facebook. She pieced together different parts of heartfelt speeches of how we're separated but still friends, and still family that I copied and pasted on facebook, and in emails to my family, and that we're still living together and love one another. I should be happy that I'm free of her, but I'm not really not free of her. I'd love to say that i'd leave if wern't in a freekin' pandemic, but I probably wouldn't. We announced our separation when she was ready, on her terms. Some time in the future she'll probably ask me to leave on her terms. We're supposed to be friends still.

She's the only person I've ever been in a long term relationship with, only person I've ever been intimate with. I spent years before I met her wondering why everyone wanted to be my friend, and not romantic with, now someone I've been with for 8 years, and had a child with wants the same thing and I'm supposed to pretend I'm ok, and that doesn't hurt, and I don't wonder if anyone will every feel that way about me again. Now we're in a pandemic. I cant get away, can't stay with my mom, or some other friends for a night or so. I can go to work cause I'm "essential", and go for drives, and walks, but nowhere else. All of my social engagements, and groups that provided me support are canceled till further notice. I just want to start smoking again (quit in 2011). I want to be done with all of this, but I can't. Probably not even if there wern't a pandemic going on.

I feel like crap

Jeff/Abby

 

[Wonder Woman]

Hello,

So for those who have read my posts before, this will be more of an update.

My wife and I are "Officially" but not legally separated, really meaning that we announced it on Facebook. She pieced together different parts of heartfelt speeches of how we're separated but still friends, and still family that I copied and pasted on facebook, and in emails to my family, and that we're still living together and love one another. I should be happy that I'm free of her, but I'm not really not free of her. I'd love to say that i'd leave if wern't in a freekin' pandemic, but I probably wouldn't. We announced our separation when she was ready, on her terms. Some time in the future she'll probably ask me to leave on her terms. We're supposed to be friends still.

She's the only person I've ever been in a long term relationship with, only person I've ever been intimate with. I spent years before I met her wondering why everyone wanted to be my friend, and not romantic with, now someone I've been with for 8 years, and had a child with wants the same thing and I'm supposed to pretend I'm ok, and that doesn't hurt, and I don't wonder if anyone will every feel that way about me again. Now we're in a pandemic. I cant get away, can't stay with my mom, or some other friends for a night or so. I can go to work cause I'm "essential", and go for drives, and walks, but nowhere else. All of my social engagements, and groups that provided me support are canceled till further notice. I just want to start smoking again (quit in 2011). I want to be done with all of this, but I can't. Probably not even if there wern't a pandemic going on.

I feel like crap

Jeff/Abby

Hi, Jeff/Abby.

I wish I had words of comfort for you, but I know from experience that there are no words that can begin to touch the heartache you are going through.

I am so sorry you are in this heart-wrenching position.

Sending you hugs. ?

 

[Friday]

I’m supposed to pretend I’m okay. I’m not.
I’m supposed to pretend we’re still friends. We might be, someday.
I’m supposed to pretend it doesn’t hurt. It does.
I’m supposed to pretend I know I’ll love and be loved again. But I don’t.

I’m not okay. My wife doesn’t love me. It hurts. And I wonder if I’ll ever love anyone who loves me right back. Pretending it’s not hard, doesn’t make this any easier. Just lonelier.

A cut&paste Facebook post for you ;)
Alternatively? I hear you.

Oh. And anyone who’d say ‘I told you so’ instead of ‘been there’? Can f*ck right off.

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

Best to leave social media out of the mix. It tends to help ruin any type of relationship..

 

[Ronin]

@Truthful_Whispers Totally N/A to their situation. As well as not contextual to their post.

To Jeff / Abby,
Heartfelt... lot of things.
I feel you / I'm sorry.

It's alright you are heartbroken.
She's still wronging & hurting you even with this separation & how she went about it.

Care to you.
If I had the superglue mending broken hearts, I would pack it right along the care.

 

[somerandomguy]

I'm sorry this has been so difficult, Jeff. We're here. Please keep talking to us. Lots of us really understand.

 

[abbynormal1929]

Thank you everyone for the support

 

[Mee]

Best to leave social media out of the mix. It tends to help ruin any type of relationship..

My PTSD helps a lot of us - shrug.
I have self isolated for three years - I really only keep intouch with friends through social media , plus some of us live continents away from family/ our support networks. Cookie cutter solutions help gingerbread people.



I’m so sorry abbynormal. Ignore anyone who says I told you so. They aren’t in your shoes. Do exploit any and all support networks you can.

As a front line worker is there any temporary accommodation you can use for a short while to give you some distance? It might be worth asking

 

[abbynormal1929]

Most I've been offered as a front line worker is free coffee, and even then just a small lol.

 

[Ronin]

Some coffee better than none coffee but...

:coffee: :coffee: and All The :coffee: to you. ;) Err. Not trying to overcaffeinate you, promise :D

 

[Mee]

Most I've been offered as a front line worker is free coffee, and even then just a small lol.

Well- it’s lovely you can still manage an ‘lol’.

Do you feel able to ask around co workers for a sofa space? Single coworkers might oblige? Others protecting family I totally understand will feel differently than they might normally.


If not then I think you have to start thinking a little protectively. It’s totally ok to say you are NOT ok. I think that’s in fact sanity and authenticity.

 

[Justmehere]

My wife and I are "Officially" but not legally separated,

Hey, that's a step! It's awesome! Ok so I know things are still terrible but it's good to take this step. And super hard.

I'm supposed to pretend I'm ok, and that doesn't hurt, and I don't wonder if anyone will every feel that way about me again.

Nah. You are not supposed to do this. It would be really weird to me if someone I knew announced a separation and they DIDN'T feel some pain and confusion and a little uncertainty about the future. It hurts because it matters and you have a good heart.