No Sleep And I Now I Have To See The Work Dr...

[PinCushionPrincess]

Got all of about 20mins sleep last night, and this morning I have an appointment with the Dr at work, part of a regular series. We've had longer and longer intervals between appointment, and I was looking forward to going in today and telling him how well I've been getting on, at least in relative terms, quite improved on the last couple of times he's seen me. But now I've had so little sleep and I feel and look wretched, and I am a terrible actor so I know there is no way I can go into him this morning and be bright and chirpy and lie. I can just about keep my eyes open.

He sends regular reports to my managers, advising on my state of health so they can know what to expect of me and how to manage me at work, which is good on the one hand as when I was going through s very very tough time it meant work was not an added pressure, but I am acutely aware of being stunted in my career (everyone around me seems to be moving on or getting promoted and I'm just....here, where I've always been). I want to move on and if hoped getting the Dr on side would help as part of that, but I will go in this morning and it will be very obvious to him (it always is, however hard I try - make up, forcing a smile, trying to suppress the anxious tics) that I am not doing so well at the moment. It's just so exasperating and demoralising at this stage...

 

[Adorraj]

Hello I'm new here.
I stumbled upon this page because of my insomnia. I come to the realization that I refuse to go to bed. Well my mind refuses to go to bed because when I lay down I know the words "face it" will echo in my head. My mind makes me face all the repressed memories of sexual abuse. The night before last was the worse. The images of my uncle putting is penis inside of me( I was 5-8yrs old) keep replaying in my head all through the night. I had to negotiate myself out of suicide. It wasn't until I put on a night light and put my teddy bears under the blankets with me and hug them that I finally went off to sleep.

 

[PinCushionPrincess]

@Adorraj I am so sorry to hear of what happened to you, and how it is affecting you now. Night times can indeed be hardest. I hope you find the help and support you need, and that this forum can be part of that!

 

[Friday]

A plague of ironies... I've called in sick to doctor's appointments in the past.

 

[PinCushionPrincess]

If only haha! Unfortunately this Dr is at work, so that would involve being sick for work too, gah!