Nosey Neighboors driving me insane

[Wanttonotbebothered]

Hello. I am new to this site.

To make a long story short, I moved to the city almost four years ago from a rural area.

It is driving me insane.

I cannot stand living next to constant people 24/7. The driving is very triggering I hate it here.

But last week I had a altercation with a neighboor and now I am in fight or flight. Hypervigalace extreme stress afraid to go outside ready to beat the living snot out of the neighboors but dont want to. I have a family and want to be safe and live in peace!!!It rises up inside me whenever I hear her voice and I cannot avoid these people they are all around me and I am basically living in thier basement.it is a sepreate unit.

She is the type of person whom thinks life is easy and has tons of friends and thinks her shit doesnt stink. I call her mommys little princess and miss perfect because she lives in her mommys condo with her endless group of friends.

Right now I cannot even go outside to get the grocries because she has two decks and has taken to the front deck directly above .y head and windows to spread joy and happines with her chatty cute voice and everyone loves her!

I have to close all my blinds because people are stopping to talk to her directly in front of my window.

I used to walk every day with my baby and be friendly but now we are stuck inside the house with the curtains drawn or half drawn it sucks i want to move so bad and I need to leave here to resume normal functioning.

I want to post about what happened that set me off but I can't think about it this minute or I will go on a rant. I promise I will though. I and my family were grossly violated and these people think that its okay and acceptable. I live in fear of them and her voice drives me up the wall!!!! Also her high heels across the floor drive me crazy and always have. But now after the altercation it is worse.I can't stop thinking about beating her face in!!! I don't want to and cannot, but boy I can't stop wishing I could.

I will though and I hope after hearing someone else will understand what I am going through. I am not a bad person I just want to be a happy normal decent person. I hate myself since moving here am on meds and therpy but need to get out of this area too much stress and triggers.

 

[EveHarrington]

Do you have the same landlord?

High heels in an apartment are just RUDE!

Are you using sound machines? If not, get a few. They really do help.

 

[Ronin]

So she is friendly & going on about her life...

Which drives you nuts?

Look, I get being bothered by noise and sensory issues. I do.
But just living is not an act of aggression.

 

[Wanttonotbebothered]

Its not that, its that something went down and now she is triggering me. I need to move necause it is driving me insane and I don't want it to. I can't look eave the house anymore either.

Basically, we came home one night and our baby was crying.the neighboors have a bunch of friends and for the past two days, they were drilling and banging at almost midnight fixing something in her basement.

The way our unit is set up its like they have to walk through our only entrance/exit, and they parked in our space as well. Not that I care, but I knew something was up because THEY care about that kind of stuff. Very much.

They were staring through the windows and grumbling.

Finally at 11 oclock at night the baby is finally asleep. A knock on the door.

I figured they needed something moved.

So even though I didn't want to awnswer it.

Instead the men pulled me aside with my baby and asked me if I waw abused and they would kick his ass right now!

Oh boy.

I said no. Of course no one is getting abused here. But the neighbiirs do make me feel uncomfortable.

I explained that boyfriend was older plus deaf. So I was sorry but he is just a jovial guy.one of the men did not like my awnser and told me that I would proboally just sleep with anyone. He smiled and told me I would lay down with anyone???

Then I kept trying to explain that he was wrong.

Eventually i was outside alone and scared trying to talk him down.because he was naking accusations and rattling off craxy stuff. He said ms perfwct talks about us all the time. But didnt give any specific awnswers. I was freaking out and had no idea whom these people were and he was acting like I knew him forever. He did not like anything I defended us with and just got more and more crazy when I told him he was wrong.

He started to scream through the parking lot in the middle of the night that we can boil our baby in a microwave and that we are evil.

After this the girl came down and wagged her finger in my face and said that it was my fault for talking to him??? But he was knocking on my door. Being agressive, and I was trying to reason with this person, since apparently they can't mind there own business.

He threatened to beat the crap out of my biyfriend and screamed some more. There were three other guys. They all stood there and were concerened about this lunatic and standing over my family telling him he waa a hero and good guy????

I never could tell you who these people are.

When we told them if they didnt leave us alone we would call the cops.

I started to cry ms perfect laughed in my face and informed me it didnt matter and said that everyone loved her and we were just trash so who cares.

I live in in a minority neighboorhood. Idk

 

[Wanttonotbebothered]

I have had such bad hypervigilence and anger it is hurting my chest and the anger I realize is fight ir flight. No we dont have the same landlord. Her mom owns her place. Her mom is also mean and nasty too. I really think some peoppe cannot live around other people like this and it is me. I have had problems before in the past and moved alot but now I am stuck. Have not slept or left the house to walk in a week. I like people but xannot live next to them. I honestly do not care what other peopke do. I am guessing the slamming stuff on the floor and high heels are on purpose.
I also heard a dog a few times being dragged across the floor and yelping. I did let perfect know that I heard her since she is so interested in not minding her own busniess and I can hear her gossiping on her deck all the time. I don't care but boyfriend said he does not care what they think and he is going to live in his own hoyse.
I do not feel comfortable and now we are arguing about that and we do not really argue about anything.
I noticed they shut up and listen to us and it is driving me up the wall.
I mean she will wear high heels for hrs and hrs at all times if the day.
She is always surrounded by huge men. And she is always home as well and never alone.

 

[EveHarrington]

Can you move?

 

[Wanttonotbebothered]

No. We have been out of work. We do construction, boyfriend had two major surgeries.
We are waiting for the green light and then one of us will go back.
We do have money saved, but idk who would rent to us right now.
The area i live in rents are extreme expensive and they want through screenings. One bedroom apts go from around 1000 to 1800!!!!
Neither of us our criminals but the competition is fierce.
We would like to move out of the state but that is not easy to do. Feel very trapped right now its not helping.
I wanted to leave since I got here.

 

[HealingInProcess]

No. We have been out of work. We do construction, boyfriend had two major surgeries.
We are waiting for the green light and then one of us will go back.
We do have money saved, but idk who would rent to us right now.
The area i live in rents are extreme expensive and they want through screenings. One bedroom apts go from around 1000 to 1800!!!!
Neither of us our criminals but the competition is fierce.
We would like to move out of the state but that is not easy to do. Feel very trapped right now its not helping.
I wanted to leave since I got here.

Try and get outside when you can and get away from the neighborhood. It sounds like you're in a tight spot but try to put this woman out of your mind. The more you dwell on her the harder it is to deal with. I know what it's like to be stuck believe me. I'm sure you've survived many difficult situations and this is nothing new. You can do this.

 

[Neverthesame]

Have you tried the police?
If your neighbor's are threatening violence against your boyfriend, that's not a silly reason to call them.
There's no reason for anyone to be yanking you out of the house in the middle of the night unless the building is on fire.
They certainly shouldn't be looking to "kick some ass" in front of a child.

 

[Wanttonotbebothered]

Thank you. I'm afraid to start anything because they were listening to us apparently and making assumptions about my family. So I was scared to report them because I don't want to go down that road. They could easily report us. They don't have children so they don't have to worry about anything. They also do look better than us because they are well off and we are in thier basement. We are just renting and like I said her mom owns her place.
I am afraid that people won't believe me. I have some ptsd triggers from constantally explaining myself and defending myself and I can't do that anymore.
In acuality, therapy stresses me out at this point because I feel I have to explain all the time.
I do like my therapist alot though she is very good and I enjoy seeing her.
I am hoping that with time this feeling passes.
I am less angry but still feel sick and like I'm choking or going to throw up at various points in the day.
When I hear them upstairs I feel jumpy.
I'm embarresed and ashamed because we go to the food bank for now and get diapers, and now that I know they are directly above my comings and hoings at all times up on thier perch I am feeling violated and like crap.
I do have to get out of the house, but am thinking about packing the stroller in the car instead of walking through the neighboorhood. I have to do ot qhen they are not standing over me though.

I don't know if anyone deals with this but you know when people look down on you and accuse you constantally, you know you are not wrong but you get sick and beaten down. You lose confidence and fear of what people will think about you takes over.
You worry constantally about what other people think about you, because people can hurt your family if they don't agree with or like you.
Defenitally screaming threating stuff and instigating and knocking on doors at all hours of the night, warrents a call to the police.
This happened a week ago.
Idk if I could just make a report of the incident without the neighboors knowing? In case anything happens?
I'm guessing they just do not like my boyfriend or maybe don't like the way he is but thats to bad for them.

Oh also note that they made a point to let me know that they are not only wonderful friends with all the neighboors, but multiple times have been told they chat on the phone with my landlord because they are very good friends.
I forgot about that untill this happened.

 

[Ronin]

You worry constantally about what other people think about you, because people can hurt your family if they don't agree with or like you.

Ok, without the what would people think worries and all part...

What IS the risks here, what did these people direct threaten to do?

I get anxiety clouds thinking and that is fine.
But from how you described them otherwise, they do not sound utterly unreasonable, so while getting if they target you & your boyfriend only and not anyone else, wondering how much of it is direct what is going on, vs your anxiety inserting threat where it isn't, or at least not so immediate.

 

[Friday]

Instead the men pulled me aside with my baby and asked me if I waw abused and they would kick his ass right now!
Oh boy.
I said no. Of course no one is getting abused here. But the neighbiirs do make me feel uncomfortable.
I explained that boyfriend was older plus deaf. So I was sorry but he is just a jovial guy.one of the men did not like my awnser and told me that I would proboally just sleep with anyone. He smiled and told me I would lay down with anyone???
Then I kept trying to explain that he was wrong.
Eventually i was outside alone and scared trying to talk him down.because he was naking accusations and rattling off craxy stuff. He said ms perfwct talks about us all the time.

If i’m understanding things correctly, these guys thought you and the baby were being abused and came to rescue the 2 of you? And when you denied it you found out the entire building thinks you and the baby are being abused? And as you denied it more they blamed you for any abuse your baby goes through if you didn’t leave with them right now, and that parents who do nothing whilst their kids are hurt and killed by their spouse // women who shack up with any kind of abusive asshole regardless of what it does to their kids are evil?

I can definitely see how you got super triggered (sounds like he maybe was, too? Describing things that aren’t happening) ...finding out people think you’re being abused, and then being accused of being abusive yourself... if you have a history of being abused / either childhood trauma or DV or both. How many times did no one come save you no matter how bad/loud/how could people not know; or how many times did you tell people you were fine, nothings wrong, it’s okay? Either way, wham! :confused: Talk about a perfect storm of Then/Now all coming crashing in, at the end of a long tiring day, with a screaming baby and stressors up to your hairline already. What a f*cking hard situation to suddenly find yourself eyeballs deep in.

***
The biggest thing that helps me when I’m triggered is knowing that I’m triggered. IE overreacting / responding to a situation now, as if it was a situation then. I can’t always take the mental/emotional step back in the moment, but afterward doing to helps me parse what actually happened vs what I felt was happening. Right-sizing the situation.