Not Even Interested In Christmas Anymore.

[OliviaMadison]

I used to get so excited when Christmas came.. Partially because my birthday was just two days before. But this year, I could just care less. I don't know why. Every time I hear a Christmas song on the radio, I want to just attack something. Even the word Christmas drives me insane..

Anyone else feel this way about it?

 

[Orglethorp]

My first Christmas season after being diagnosed with PTSD was like this. I think it was actually harder on my sister. I had just moved back home and she was looking forward to getting one more Christmas like the good old days, when we would stay up late Christmas Eve together watching a movie and then get up really early to speculate on what the wrapped boxes under the tree contained and tease each other with ambiguous clues about the gifts we had wrapped for each other. I just wanted to sleep.

 

[TheLost]

I've never been that excited about christmas or hogmany. This year I'd rather just let it pass by altogether as Dad died just 2 months ago. But mum wants to have a christmas dinner so I'll just do the cooking as usual and have it at my house. I just don't want to be in Dads house and him not there. I have told her this today and she just tells me not to start again??! Seems I'm not allowed to speak about my own Dad anymore. She thinks my reaction to EVERYTHING is abnormal. But it's NORMAL to grieve and want to speak about him.

 

[ms spock]

I would like to ignore Xmas this year, after my friend M died.

 

[Thinkingman85]

I don't know how I get through the holidays. I'd like to enjoy them a lot, but both of my parents passed away. All I do is live according to memory. I'm not sure if there actually is a solution that exists.

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear Olivia, yes I think many can relate here, like Oglethorpe said. :( (((((Big Hugs)))).

TheLost, I think you are right, you have a right to grieve. It must be hard too on your mom, because that isn't her 'dad', but her lover, spouse, the person she was expecting or hoping to grow old with. :( Maybe she can't face it without blocking it out? Or she finds comfort in the familiar, where for you it highlights the loss. And you can be in different stages of grief. But you both have more in common, in that way. I'm so sorry. :( (((((Big Hugs))))). Maybe you can do something to honor your dad's memory.. ?

Dear Ms Spock, M would want you to do what you felt comfortable with. Maybe toasting them with a bottle of wine, with an hour set aside for 'just the 2 of you' (in your thoughts and heart), to remember the good things, 'talk your thoughts out' (even in your head), miss M and just be allowed to grieve yourself. The love doesn't end, but that's why you were the wonderful friends you were.

I've had every type of Christmas imaginable. This year, I don't have one day off that coincides with my sister, first time ever won't be cooking dinner, myself or probably in general, will be working mostly up to and including Christmas day, and will probably be alone. Due to work changes the 'present' situation won't be possible, much, either. Or helping others. Which really sucks when you (I) really enjoy it, that part most of all. However, I put up the tree, and now am actually thankful I don't have to cook, as am exhausted. God-only-knows, I think He knows I'm too exhausted. I also think I will really enjoy the peacefulness of no crazy-making being alone.

I still love Christmas. I think of the 'first' Christmas, no home, freezing, on-the-run. It wasn't like it's portrayed or 'romantic' or 'easy'. (But I also think, there was still a 'star'. :) )

I remember when I got terrific new about a loved one, twice actually, well I really wouldn't have cared if I had a balogna sandwich and some tunes, that would have been more than enough. :) My gratitude and perspective affected everything, or how I saw everything. I was so happy. :)

I did see something neat this year, that Christmas (irregardless of beliefs) is a good time to be open to trying to rest, be open-hearted and open-minded to what the future is going to bring, to forget about 'fixing' ourselves, or others.

I like the Peanuts one, "Peace on Earth and Good Will to All Men". :) :inlove:

 

[ms spock]

I don't know how I get through the holidays. I'd like to enjoy them a lot, but both of my parents passed away. All I do is live according to memory. I'm not sure if there actually is a solution that exists.

Is there anything that brought you pleasure in the past and that you can do for your self now Thinkingman85?

 

[Thinkingman85]

Is there anything that brought you pleasure in the past and that you can do for your self now Thinkingman85?

A lot of my pleasure came from letting my parents know of my accomplishments. They were a large incentive to continue going. I will have to relearn accepting pleasure (making music, studying philosophy and science, exercise, nutrition, hanging out with friends, succeeding/accomplishing, etc.) even if they are both gone. I'm still doing what they would want me to do. I'm learning and I'm not giving up.

 

[Britt.f7]

I started this holiday season totally hopeless. I had no desire to celebrate it. I felt no joy at what was coming up. This wasn't good since my boys are teenagers and still expect presents. I'm the present buyer. I wasn't sure how I was going to make it through. My depression was a major problem. Dealing with loss is definitely difficult, especially during the holidays.

Things started picking up for me the weekend of black friday and the week of cyber Monday. I started feeling more optimistic about the holidays. I didn't go pick out our tree like I usually do, but I will help decorate it and get things ready. I'm wrapping presents as I am able to instead of waiting to do them all at once at the last minute. I think taking the pressure off myself has helped.

I like the idea of honoring the one's that have passed. Last year, my first Christmas eve without my mom, things were too chaotic. We ended up celebrating xmas eve at my father's house per my sister's request. I pretty much felt numb but I was there for her and my children. I also played "santa" for my sister, like I did for my mom. That helped. This Christmas eve will be just my husband and children. No distractions. I'm not looking forward to that, but we'll carry on with one of the traditions my mom passed down to us. I think I will also take Junebug's ideas for Ms. Spock and remember the things my mom did at christmas. It was her favorite holiday.

I have to be honest though, if they wouldn't have adjusted my meds I would be worse off. I don't like the idea of meds, but if this is the only way I can function then this is the route I'm taking.

 

[ms spock]

Dear Ms Spock, M would want you to do what you felt comfortable with. Maybe toasting them with a bottle of wine, with an hour set aside for 'just the 2 of you' (in your thoughts and heart), to remember the good things, 'talk your thoughts out' (even in your head), miss M and just be allowed to grieve yourself. The love doesn't end, but that's why you were the wonderful friends you were.

Thanks Junebug,

That is a lovely suggestion.

 

[ms spock]

I think I will also take Junebug's ideas for Ms. Spock and remember the things my mom did at christmas. It was her favorite holiday.

Tis a nice suggestion.

M had invited me to her family Xmas.

 

[ms spock]

I think what I will do is aim to get through as best I can. If I have a few nice moments, that is great. If I don't, that is okay as well. I will just get through being as kind as I can to myself.