Not Sure What To Do About Therapy

[piratelady]

I swear almost every time I go to therapy I'm posting in here about it.

I had quit Therapist 1 (T1) back in May because we were making no progress. So I start with Therapist 2 (T2). He missed one of my appointments, I flew off the handle and cancelled. I got overwhelmed trying to find yet another therapist, was in the throws of some pretty bad depression, so I went back to T1.

I had an appointment with T1 today and now I remember why I quit going to him. I actually had an OK week this week. No crises, I wasn't on the verge of tears, so I was at a loss of what to talk about. We start talking about my vacation. I told him one of the problems was the lack of alone time. I need to have a little time to myself each day to sort of re-charge. He asked how long I've been this way. I tell him since maybe 6th grade-ish.

That inspires him to ask about my childhood and if my brother sexually abused me. He did not. He tormented me, I know something was off with my step-dad, but I don't know what.
T1 then asks me what I felt was wrong in therapy. I told him that I am fine if I came come each week and get things off my chest, but when it comes to coping on my own, I'm still at a loss. I don't have the skills and I need to learn them. What does this all add up to? The only way I can be OK on my own, therapy free is to be on anti-depressants.

He says because I felt the need to seclude myself as a pre-teen and still rely on alone time to cope that means I've been depressed since the 6th grade. The only hope is some prozac.

I am at a loss. How can I look to a therapist to help me learn to be self-sufficient if the only option he has to offer is meds. I like T2's structure and style to therapy, but I felt he was unreliable. Also, if I went back to T2, how do I tell him that he made me mad so I went back to T1. Grrr! I wish I could get a magic wand, and combine the two together into 1 awesome therapist.

I'm guessing I need to figure out how to narrow down my list of in-network providers and find someone I can work with. I think it would be manageable to do now, since I'm feeling less depressed. *sigh* I hate therapy....

 

[Deleted member 12723]

You sure are having a hard time finding a therapist that is a good match for you. Today at my session, I asked the therapist if she could remomend a good therapist for me when my sessions with her run out.

She came up with 2 names. Mabe you could call recepionists and ask for recomenedations. I can see why you hate therapy. You have not had a good experience. I know that meds can stabalize you. Are you against meds? Then you should not take them.

I am sorry you are having such bad luck. Hang in there and do not give up. You will find one that is a good match for you. Take control of what you want and expect and need out of a therapist. You will find one. It is going to take some time. I am sorry you are having such a rough time.

 

[piratelady]

I am seriously considering meds to deal with the anxiety. Anti-depressants I am against at this point. I firmly believe that if someone could just help me learn to cope with life that I would be ok on my own. I think I'd be able to handle the ups and downs a little better. I have told T1 this many times and today made it crystal clear that he feels it's not a matter of needing to learn coping skills, I need meds and that's it.

If I had a chance to finally figure out how to control the crap that goes on in my head and I was still struggling then I would consider anti-depressants. He assumes it's a "chemical imbalance" because I avoid confrontation and always have. I need to just get over it I guess.

On the bright side, I am not struggling so much with my depression. My feelings now are manageable. I think I can safely start the hunt for T3. To be honest, I learn more about myself and why I do things by using this site, than I ever did in therapy. I am not as useless as I like to think :)

 

[Deleted member 1860]

IMHO T1 is uneducated about what it means to need alone time every day to recharge.

This symptom alone is NOT a sign of depression. It is a sign that you are an introvert (I am too).

Introverts recharge through their alone time whereas extroverts recharge through their interactions with others.

Honestly, I laugh at the idea that introversion is a sign of depression. I'm not saying you aren't depressed as well, but we can't all be social butterflies. It's horrid for a professional to tell you that you must have a DISORDER because you need alone time!

ETA.... Alone time is NOT "seclusion"! T1 seems more damaging than helpful.

 

[Meadowsweet]

I agree with Scaredoflonely, therapist 1 seems more damaging that helpful.

If you did decide to go back to T2, as a therapist he/she should be able understand your feelings when he cancelled, and your reaction to them.

Or, while you are feeling a little stronger, maybe your experience of T1 and T2 will help you to find the right T3 for you.

 

[piratelady]

ScaredofLonely, thanks for the input. I guess I never realized that needing alone time to recharge was an introvert thing. :)

What really got me is how he said that my needing alone time growing up was a sign of depression because I wasn't being sexually abused. That made me very angry and feel invalidated. I don't think I reacted incorrectly by trying to limit my exposure to the people who mistreated me.

I agree with you guys, that T1 is not helpful. I am thankful he helped me get out of my recent depression, now I just need to move on. Perhaps I should bookmark this thread so I can remember why I left if I ever consider going back.

I think I'm going to talk to T2 about my concerns with his reliability. Either we work it out or at least he can give me some names of other therapists to try to call so I can narrow down the list and it won't be such a daunting task.

Thank you both for your replies they were very helpful :)

 

[cherryblossom]

It took me a very long time to find a therapist that was right for me. That's not to say that the people I saw were bad therapists. They just weren't right for me. I find it really difficult to talk about 'stuff', so finding someone who I feel comfortable sharing things with was so important for me.

I'm not really sure this is going anywhere other than to say, if your therapist doesn't work out for you, don't give up trying to find someone who does. It's really difficult to start all over again, but when you find the right therapist, it's definitely worth it.

 

[piratelady]

Thanks Cherryblossom.

I spoke to T2 briefly on the phone today. It was not a good conversation, lol. I got incredibly flustered, rambled incoherently, called him unreliable, and then rambled incoherently some more. He did give me the name of a "stand up guy." I felt bad and did text T2 after I calmed down and apologized. Ah, Good times...

Anyway, I looked up the person he recommended, and sent him and email through his website. Asked three basic questions. One being - do you have experience with PTSD. We'll see what he says, and go from there.

There is also one I potential therapist I've found through my search of in-network providers. I left this one a voicemail. We'll see if he calls back and what he has to say.

My boss and I had a discussion today about all of this. She told me about some herbal supplement that someone else told her about and suggested I forget therapy, lol. She doesn't know I have PTSD.

Hopefully soon I will find a therapist that is more of what I need. While I continue the search, I am going to try to do some self-help. GO TEAM!

 

[Deleted member 12723]

(((Piratelady))) Good for you on the efforts you have made in your search for a decent therapist. I imagine you are getting quite the education doing all of these things.

So did I read correctly, you are for anxiety meds but not antidepressants? I just wanted to clarify. I am on both and it has stabalized me. I am doing very good. But then I believe in medication to help assist the therapy process. I do not have any side affects.

I guess I am lucky. I hate to be on pills. But they help me. I cannot afford to go to the hospital, and that is where they wanted to put me.

You seem to be doing very well. I congratulate you on that. You are doing it yourself. Good luck on the therapist hunt. I hope you find a good match for you. It will make all of the difference for you.

 

[piratelady]

Gizmo: Yes, I have been considering anxiety meds. Lately, my anxiety has been getting to the point where it interferes with my ability to do my job. However, I am still hoping I can get a handle on it without meds, but in all honesty, I am not confident in my abilities to handle my anxiety attacks.

Regarding anti-depressants, no I don't feel like I need them. Typically, my depression become more severe when my life becomes too much for me to handle. My depression became severe last year when my ex lost his job, was binge drinking, and my mom was diagnosed with cancer in the matter of a couple week's time. It was too much for me to handle. But I was able to go to therapy, talk through it and come out of the depression. My reasoning is, if I can talk with a professional and feel better, why take meds? Why can't I just learn to do for myself, what therapy does for me?

The first time a doctor tried to put me on meds because I was sad, they made me more depressed and soon after I tried to kill myself. If I am still functioning, despite some depression, I will not risk taking a medication that could very well increase my feelings of depression. If my depression was so severe that I was not functioning and therapy was not helpful, then I would be more open to it. At this time I am not.

I am hoping to finally find a therapist that is willing to work on me without needing me to be medicated so he can do his job. I think for a therapist to say they can't help me learn to cope with life unless I am medicated is a sign they are suffering from LTS (Lazy Therapist Syndrome).

Anyway, I know you weren't looking for a big rant about meds and my therapy frustrations. I just have such strong feelings about it.

 

[Chosen]

I agree completely with you. I won't take any meds. I don't need meds. In fact, I know of some studies proving that meds aren't effective long-term (Link Removed ). I think too many therapists out there want to throw pills at patients so that they don't have to do as much...so many of the meds out there actually do more damage. Just look at the list of side effects. I think almost everytime there's a commercial for an anti-depressant, depression is listed as a side effect! That's ridiculous to me! I won't ever take meds.

 

[Chosen]

thread hijack:
Wow! Anthony liked my post! Is this lame to be excited about the owner of the forum liking my post? Hmm...I don't care. I'm going to enjoy this moment regardless of its potential for lameness! haha. :)

End of thread hijack