Not Sure What To Do Or Where To Go After Being Brutalized By Police Because I Have Ptsd

[Fadeaway]

Long story short I have 2 people in my life and that is it. I have only really ever trusted 2 people in my life ever.
My husband and one other person.

Lately when ever I have had anxiety, my husband has gone out of his way to trigger me and won't stop. It was like he got off on seeing my anxiety rise and seeing me curled up in fetal position screaming at the top of my lungs because he wouldn't stop talking about what has happened to me and how I need to face it head on.

He has been pushing me to report my uncle and confront my grandma. There is an officer that calls repeatedly wants me to talk to my uncle and get him to admit what he did. I can't I just can't. So my anxiety has been very high.

When I have anxiety I need a dark quiet place to escape too. I have been denied that. My husband opened all the windows and stood blocking them to keep me from shutting them. At this point I am begging and crying for him to shut them, but he insists I have to face it.

Of course the whole time I am just thinking that if someone could tell me "It is going to be ok." I could get my self together, In my heart I craved those words and begged for those words.

Lately he has been threatening to call the police and have me hospitalized every time I am struggling. Even though I have made him swear repeatedly that he won't because I have been waking up with anxiety over that alone his voice telling me he is going to have me hospitalized playing over and over in my head that I can't make stop.

I tried to leave since I wasn't allowed to have a dark quiet place to get myself together and he wouldn't let me leave. At first he blocked the door so I couldn't get out of the bedroom and then he blocked the front door I was able to get out when he unblocked the door when I tried to escape from a window.

He wouldn't let me get in my car and I am too afraid to walk in this neighborhood being the only white person in the area (sorry if that sounds racist, I know that it kind of is as this the first time i have ever really been on the recvivng end) anyways He had a woman call the cops because I was trying to drive and he thought I shouldn't drive while triggered and I called the cops because he I have been held hostage one to many times in my life .

Well that is when things turned from not too bad too disastrous.

Afterwards they gave me directions to a shelter. The shelter turned me away told me that the police should have never sent me there because it was a safe house. I was told no one could help me. I had no money on me so I was forced to return.

At least my husband really understands now after seeing what the police did to me. He wants to sue, but i keep begging him not to because I am terrified of retribution. He wants to write letters and stuff but I beg him not to. I think know he truly gets it. He has been nice to me since and is very angry at what they did to me. But I don't think I can ever trust anyone ever again

I trusted him which was a huge deal and I trusted the other person I turned to for help.

To me, there is no point in even trying ot recover from PTSD because bad things will never stop happening. As long as you excpet it, it isn't that bad, but for the first time in mylife i got stupid and trusted and felt like i was in a safe place. I will never make that mistake again.

 

[Little Flower]

Fade Away. I'm so sad to hear what you are going through. Being held against your will is never ok. I think I might call a crisis line and get some advice or look for a safe place to stay. I'm very worried about your safety.
Peace

 

[Fadeaway]

I have no where to go, I have tried. I am at a complete loss.

 

[Friday]

Fadeaway... If the police brutalized you, please go to the ER for STD meds even if a rape kit is too much. A social worker there can probably also help find you a place to stay.

 

[Fadeaway]

It wasn't sexual just physical but the fear is the worst I have ever felt.

 

[Little Flower]

Well they pretty much just made a sideshow out of me. But they are not the only people who can help u. Ur afraid of being put in the hospital ?

 

[Fadeaway]

I am more afraid of being trapped, but it is the WAY he says it that panics me. Also I don't think mild anxiety that can be taken care of if I COULD JUST GET SOME SPACE AND QUIET and be allowed to get my self together an d be away from the thing that is bothering me, deserves the hospital or police.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

YOUR HUSBAND IS AN ARSE AND HE CREATED THE SITUATION WHICH TRAUMATIZED YOU!

Sorry to yell, but YEAH, your husband played a HUGE role in all of this, and I would say his role was VERY abusive! He pushed you into such a state, called the cops......What did he think was going to happen!?!??!?! Like it or not, cops treat mental patients like sh!t. Your husband had the cops called on you, and they acted like they oftentimes do with people who are *mental*. Now he has the nerve to shift ALL the blame to the cops and want to sue!?!?! PLEASE!

You probably don't want to hear this, but your husband is abusive. You talk about him getting inside your "spiky ball"....I hate to break it to you, but you let the devil in. He's retraumatizing you. This isn't love, not in the least. And yes, the abusive cycle continues because now he's treating you like gold. It will take a downturn again. It always does. I hope you can find the strength to get away from him. Sometimes you need to walk away with just the clothes on your back. I think that would be better than living inside a nightmare.

 

[Friday]

My mistake & apologies. I'm used to brutalized being synonymous with violent rape.

@Solara... Her husband might be abusive... To play devils advocate:

But he may also have simply been trying to help. "Face your fears / come at them head on / it's painful don't give up" kind of attitude is what is preached from high to low. Both inside and outside of PTSD.

Difference being someone who is trained, and someone who just wants to help, are going to go about it in two entirely different ways. I had someone I love very dearly do essentially the same thing for me many many years back. But he also knew exactly what to expect. Not because he was trained, but because this was something, not unknown. And held me completely pinned until my body couldn't maintain that level of out of control. And then we did it again, and again, and again. Trigger trigger trigger trigger. He knew exactly what to expect. And he outclassed me, especially in flail/not being able to think. He could keep both of us safe, no matter how much I lost my mind. Someone who doesn't? That first total meltdown break that isn't able to be rigidly controlled? The first time they see what out of control really looks like? That they've never seen/understood how much the "bad" episodes are only the trifling breeze compared to the storm inside?

And so her husband ends up completely in over his head. At which point most people would be in over their heads. At which point, whether they kicked it off or not, police or EMTs (calling for professionals) is the wise choice. The only choice, if he wants her kept safe.

May be what happened. May not be.

Maybe abuse. Maybe misguided attempt to help.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

@FridayJones ,

You're unaware of American law. What her husband has done is IMPRISONMENT and is VERY illegal! Not letting her leave when she wants to and not letting her get into her car when she wants to.... Uhm, nope, can't do that. He is taking away her freedom and nope, not legal!

And to add....

Its said left right up and down that things that sufferers do as a result of PTSD can be abusive even though they are related to our disorder. That is, there is NO excuse for abuse. I think its disgusting that you are excusing a supporters abuse because he is just trying to help! You have OBVIOUSLY never had the cops called on you, been prevented from leaving under your own free will, etc. Because, if you had, you would NEVER advocate this behavior as being helpful and therefore defend it.

 

[Little Flower]

Fadeaway. Are u safe. ? I am thinking of you. I feel you need more support. Anytime u wanna talk
one of us are here
Peace

 

[Ed Norton]

With PTSD, "facing fears" is best done with a psychologist not a partner. He sounds sadistic and manipulative to me. If you call the cops on someone in a flashback most likely they will attack that person...as the police are filled with psychopaths and sadist